"THINKING ABOUT JESUS"

I don't know why but lately I can't stop thinking about Jesus. Yesterday at 2:15 p.m. I was still strugging to prepare this morning's message. And, man, it just wasn't working. Every thought path I tried to go down seemed blocked. The quantity of information and theological data to be sorted through in regards to this morning's Scripture passage was overwhelming. Nothing was working. And I was feeling quite desperate. I mean...can I be real for a minute here? I once read something to the effect that "to preach is to stand naked before a crowd and die...knowing you'll have to do it again in a week." Well, if I've got to do that, I'd at least like to have something to say, you know?

But it's not just me. We all know the feeling. Yours may not happen in trying to prepare a sermon. But it happens to you just the same. The desperation. The feeling overwhelmed. Whether it's work...or finances...or a relationship...or your car falling apart or your roof leaking or your sick dog or whatever the case may be. We all know the feeling of trying to do something...trying to sort things out...trying to make things work and wejust can't do it.

And so lately all I can think about is Jesus. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's my hope in the promise that what I can't do...Jesus can. And then I remember another promise: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

But the truth is: sometimes I don't want Christ to strengthen me! I want to be strong and smart and capable and self-reliant. Why can't I just depend on me? It's so humbling to have to depend on someone else. And "humbling" can be darn close to "humiliating!" But I guess that would be a pride thing, huh! I think of putting aside pride and taking on humility...and there you go again: all I can think of is Jesus!

I got an e-mail from a former congregant in Florida named Jamie. Jamie's life lately has been filled with that confusion and desperation we all know so well. She has been struggling for a long time now with some chronic health problems...she's in a terrible job situation but her financial obligations make it nearly impossible for her to leave...her sister was recently in a serious car crash and, to add the bizarre to the devastatmg, the house Jamie bought a couple of years ago turned out - the worst of all Florida nightmares - to be built on top of a sinkhole! Still, she wrote to tell me that Rev. John Gill, the pastor there, had asked her to give a testimony during service because she is so faith-filled. She said in her e-mail, "I guess when you live in a house that's been filled under with 16 tons of concrete, it gives new meaning to 'On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand." I guess so.

I can't stop thinking about Jesus. That one word - that name - has begun to reign supreme in my mind. I chose "Jesus" as the topic for our current spiritual living class. And I discovered when we met last Wednesday night that, like me, lots of folks have discovered that sometimes Jesus is the one thing that can make sense and give you hope when nothing else can.

I guess the word that comes to mind is "never changing." Everything else in life is up for grabs but Jesus is a guarantee. It reminds me of a story that Lloyd C. Douglas, the author of The Robe and other novels, told about when he was a university student living in a boarding house. Downstairs on the first floor there lived an elderly, retired music teacher, who was in ill health and unable to leave the apartment. Douglas told how he and this man had a daily routine they would go through together. He would come down the stairs, open the older man's door, and ask, "What's the good news?" The old man would pick up his tuning fork, tap it on the side of his wheelchair, and say, "That's middle C ! It was middle C yesterday; it will be middle C tomorrow; it will be middle C a thousand years from now. The tenor upstairs sings flat, the piano across the hall is out of tune, but my friend, that is middle C!" The old man had discovered one thing upon which he could depend, one constant reality in his life, one, "still point in a turning world." For me, the one "still point in a turning world," the one absolute...is Jesus Christ.

I haven't always been a Christian. I spent years searching and wandering and testing and rejecting and running back to God...just like many of you. Even today I don't know that I found Jesus as much as Jesus found me. Scripture says that before we ever loved God, God loved us so I guess that's probably true.

All I know is that my journey today and the journey I believe I am to share with this church is one of following Jesus. Yes, I believe that, as our Scripture reading this morning proclaimed, Jesus is the "Beloved...God's own...the One on whom the favor of God rests." I believe that Jesus tore apart the separation between humanity and the divine and that we have the revelation of God in human flesh with us because of Jesus.

But what I have learned after nearly four decades of seeking and finding and being found is that what I believe is of relatively little importance. What counts is what I cannot believe. I cannot prove that God exists or that God cares for me, but I cannot live as though God doesn't exist, as though God doesn't care. I cannot prove that the path I have chosen is God's choice for my life, but I cannot live any other way. I know that I can follow Jesus and still make mistakes...that I can follow Jesus and make a fool of myself. But I can't find peace following anyone or anything else.

Following Jesus is like climbing a spiral staircase. Sometimes it seems as though we're just circling around, getting nowhere. But then we notice that the circle is getting bigger and bigger and that our perspective is getting higher and higher. More and more expenence is being absorbed and integrated. Our perspective is becoming less and less self-centered and other directed and more and more God ordained. We are being guided by an unseen hand that, even in the midst of suffering and setbacks, enriches and enhances our lives. When I think of all that, I just can't help thinking of Jesus.

Lead me and I will follow
Every step of the way.
Lead me and I will follow
Every step, without regret--
Every step of the way.

And when I fall down, pick me back up.
And when I slow down, stir me back up.
And when I'm overwhelmed
Remind me that I'm not alone.

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