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Here is a song that I feel describes my bad days. (This song in NO way implies suicide!) It only implies the sensations and powerlessness that I feel some days. After that look for the song that best describes ME- it's called DREAMER! | |
| I am a person
who suffers from what has been diagnosed as Multiple Chemical
Sensitivity (MCS) / Environmental Illness (EI) Auto-Immune
Deficiency. This in my opinion on a most
debilitating health issue. Here I would like to share
with you and explain why I am doing these pages.
Please read: How to Find Peace Living With MCS I have since this illness struck went from being a very healthy aggressive, energetic Type (A) individual to someone who cannot predict from one minute to the next how life will go. The reason that I am doing these pages is to help increase the general public's awareness about MCS. Also to compile some of the best information that I have found helpful both on the Internet and off. Auto-Immune Deficiency, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity and Environmental Illness is said to be very controversial, misunderstood and a most difficult topic to deal with. In essence it is not that controversial. What makes it seam controversial is the fact that chemical companies are behind these statements $$$- say no more right!. I will attempt here to give resources for information, books and doctors that have proven helpful in my opinion. I am a person who has always looked at life with an intense love and passion. I have always enjoyed the feeling of just living. I have always been someone who enjoys the magnificence in nature and life itself. The beautiful sights, sounds, colors etc., right down to the smell of the cool crisp morning air. I have made time no matter how busy I was... to STOP and smell the roses and show my appreciation. Life is truly a wonderful gift that we have been given. I have learned so much more through having MCS, that life and health are gifts that are not something for us to take lightly. With the intense love I have for life, the environment, nature and basically all that is around us, I was never a total earth person. I was never into Yoga, Meditation, Herbs, Organic Foods, Organic Clothing or any of that that goes with that type of mindset and lifestyle. The main reason was simply because of my lack of time and knowledge. It sounded interesting to me but I never made the time for this. I was too busy working and furthering my career and family. Well I have had to MAKE the time now. In allot of ways I am unhappy about what has happened. In allot of ways I look at it as a blessing and a HUGE learning experience. I NOW take the time to meditate, educate and help rejuvenate myself. These are all things I feel I MUST DO to get well and strong. My life has changed dramatically over the last five years. I have become very sick with the illness called MCS/EI Multiple Chemical Sensitivity /Environmental Illness. I have in the past worked in Aerospace companies. I have been around lots of chemicals through the normal workplace environment that I was subjected to. I also grew up in Ohio. The town I am from had lots of manufacturing. I am sure that the air quality and water quality were probably big issues when I was young, could be why they wont disclose the information. During my last four years of being sick I have learned how friends and family may not stand behind you. Some may not believe you as your symptoms and condition sound so strange. Some may just quit calling or inviting you to lunch etc. I have found that allot of my friends and acquaintances have had a difficult time understanding and also with coping. Some friends ask me how I am really doing. When I reply honestly they are silent. Then I must talk at double speed to make them feel comfortable. I do dread the old "How are you doing" question. Most every time I lie....yes to even my dear friends and family. I don't want them to REALLY know how bad I feel. Some people I cannot lie to. They are the family members that are around me constantly. They see the differences in ME. I can go from someone who has the world in her hands to someone who has had the world fall on her in under a minute...sounds weird.... It IS! People ask HOW...can you get through this? Doesn't it bother you not to go out? I guess I have to say that I try not to think of the world that is out there that I am missing. I do miss the times at the park with my kids and teaching them sports and having fun. Things like going to the movies and going to dinner. I also felt a great loss in my life that the dreams and aspirations that I once had may be something totally out of my reach forever. But with that in mind. I knew that I must re-invent myself into something else. New hopes, desires and ambitions. I learned not to dwell on what is lost but the GREAT things I still HAVE So to answer the question...YES. I miss the life that I had. I would make big changes if I were to be healthy TODAY! But I must at this point look to the future with hope. Hope that we can create more awareness. Advocate for research, changes and ultimately a CURE! Life is a wonderful thing. It is WHAT you make it. My family and I enjoy allot of quality family time. Despite my illness. The important things to remember is to stay positive, keep creating new ways to function normally and keep researching on your own! With having lived through the pain of loss and working through the stages of dealing with Chronic Illness, I have create the page called: How to Find Peace Living With MCS Check it out, It helped me find peace.... I hope it helps you to find peace as well. Peace and wellness to you..... Di'
Remember the glass is not half empty...it is HALF FULL!
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INTO THE VOID I'm losing power and I don't know why It's a strange sensation Into the void This crazy feeling's screwing with my head I feel a hesitation Into the void I'm being pulled, being pulled down down down Into the void I have finally found a song that describes me. This is my song written and performed by....are you sitting down- Ozzy Osbourne! It is a MUST to hear- it;s NOT what your thinking!!! If you would like to hear it- which I recommend- here are two links. ~~~
"Dreamer" ~~~
My attitude towards life is very well described in this new song by Bon Jovi (I feel that we have to be strong and make noise. We have to live more in the moment as well) This ain't a song for the
broken-hearted It's my life This is for the ones who stood their
ground Better stand tall when they're calling
you out For a song that describes the MCS experience. It is called "Pardon Me" by Kim Palmer. It talks about what it is like to be allergic to the 21st century. |
