All bow to the Dutch Hercules!

A.K.A. Dutch Hercules, Tesco Vee is The Meatmen's singer for their entire carreer. He was the only member to be there the whole time through all the line ups. Tesco writes all the lyrics and most of the music and while he looks rather normal in real life in records and on stage he perfected his own cartoon character voice and image. Tesco played on all the albums and is basicly the Meatmen. Any lineup of the band is him and whatever weirdos he found to play with him and play his songs this week.

Rich Ramsey

One of the founders of The Meatmen, Ramsey was in the navy and catered the deli tray for Frank Zappa, he played bass in the meatmen between 1979 to 1982 when switched to guitar replacing his younger brother, after The Meatmen broke up in '83, he moved to D.C. with Tesco but quickly moved back, where's he now? Beats me. He played on the Meatmen 1981 demo Blud Sausage, Crippled Children Suck and We're The Meatmen and You Suck.

Greg Ramsey

Rich Ramsey's younger brother played guitar in The Meatmen between 1979 to 1982. He quit in '82 and Rich took his spot. He played on the Meatmen 1981 demo and Blud Sausage.

Jim Forsey

I guess he was the original drummer until 1980.

Eliot Rachman

He also played drums from 80-81 on the meatmen 1981 demo. After The Meatmen, he played in Violent Apathy.

Mr. X

He joined the band in 81, played on Blud Sausage and was out in 82.

Mike Achtenburg

He joined the band in 1982 to play bass taking the spot of Rich Ramsey who moved to guitar. He was there from '82-83 and played on both Crippled Children Suck and We're The Meatmen and You Suck. I believe he resurfaced in Just Say No but I could be wrong.

Todd Swalla

Swalla played drums in The Necros before joining The Meatmen in 1982. He played on both Crippled Children Suck and We're The Meatmen and You Suck. He was there from 82-83. In 82, he briefly played in The Misfits. Later he also played in the metal band Warrior Soul with Korey Clark and Necros guitarist Ron Sakowski.

Meatmen circa 1982
Tesco Vee with the Ramseys

All members on recordings up til and including We're the Meatmen...and You Suck! were all replaced in 1983.

Lyle Preslar

He was in the band from 1983-1988 and played rythm guitar and arranged most of the Meatmen's songs during his period with the band. Formerly from Minor Threat. Lyle with Brian Baker also of Minor Threat attempted at forming a band with former Misfits singer Glenn Danzig when The Misfits broke up. Brian and Lyle didn't get on musically with Glenn after two rehearsals and joined up with Tesco. Lyle stayed back in Samhain (Glenn's second band) briefly, recorded some tracks on Samhain's Initium album, played one show with them and quit completely. Lyle played on Dutch Hercles 12" e.p., War of the Superbikes, Rock 'n' Roll Juggernaut, We're the Meatmen...and you Still Suck!!!, and the first 9 tracks of War of the Superbikes II. After The Meatmen ended, Preslar became a record exec for Caroline.

Brian Baker

The group's lead guitar player, he stayed in the band between 1983-1985. He played on Dutch Hercules e.p. and War of the Superbikes. He also came from Minor Threat and after the Meatmen, he formed the D.C. band Dag Nasty. After which fell apart in 1989, formed a metal band called Junkyard before eventually joining Bad Religion, then he returned and played guitar on some Tracks on War of the Superbikes II in 1996.

Bert Quiroz

Before joining The Meatmen he played bass in D.C.'s Youth Brigade. He only played bass on the Dutch Hercules e.p. and was in the band between 1983-1984.

Richard Moore

same as Bert Quiroz

Jason Carmer

He replaced Richard Moore in 1984 on drums.

Graham McCulloch

He played bass from 1984-1988. Coming from Detroit hard core band Negative Approach with his brother Rob. McCulloch also auditioned for Samhain but Glenn didn't think he was good enough. So he joind The Meatmen. He played on War of The Superbikes, Rock 'n' Roll Juggernaut, and We're the Meatmen...and You Still Suck!!!

Eric Zelzdor

He played drums between 1984-1987, I think. He played on War of the Superbikes and Rock 'n' Roll Juggernaut. He also tried out for Samhain in the fall of 1983.

Stuart Casson

I believe Casson replaced Brian Baker in 1985. He played half the tracks on Rock n Roll Juggernaut before quitting in 1986 and being replaced by James Cooper who finnished the album. In 1987, Casson returned to tour with The Meatmen and played on We're The Meatmen... and You Still Suck!!! before the group ended in 1988.

James "Jaimie" Cooper

He joined the band in 1986 during the recording of Rock n Roll Juggernaut. He stayed in the band until 1987 when he quit and was re replaced by Stuart Casson.

Destructor

He replaced Eric Zelzdor on drums in 1987 before being replaced by...

Mark "Gooly" Kermanj

He played drums between 1987-1988 and on We're the Meatmen...and you Still Suck!!!

Members of the Meatmen circa 1986

From left to right: James Cooper, Tesco Vee, Graham McColloch, Lyle Preslar and Eric Zelzdor

The members of Tesco Vee's Hate Police

Tesco Vee's Hate Police

Now known as just another Meatmen lineup, Tesco Vee's Hate Police lasted between 1990-1993.

Tommy "Dog" Cohen

He played guitar in the band until 1992 when he quit and Campbell became the only guitarist he played on Tesco Vee's Hate Police and Fuck Straight Edge.

Keith "DC Man" Campbell

He also played guitar, he was the only guy besides Tesco to be in the Hate Police the whole time and play on all the Hate Police records.

Scotty Slade

He played bass until being replaced in 1992 and played on Tesco Vee's Hate Police and Fuck Straight Edge.

Thorson

He replaced Scotty Slade on bass in 1992 and was there until the band's end in 1993 and played on Gonzo Hate Vibe.

Neil Ekberg

He was TVHP drummer for the whole time during the bands existence and played on all their recordings.

Here's a few words directly from Neil Ekberg.

"ok, thats cool - but what about saying Second only to Mark "Gooly" Kermanj, tesco never had a more solid drummer. He played drums between 1990-1993. the last version of the meatmen was nothin but a bunch of local wannabe players. They kissed so much ass to tesco he had to let them play. they killed tesco, and made it so lame the band just dissolved... keiths nickname - is "iron lung" - dc man is true - but we called him iron lung. those photos of hte latest meatmen group are so gay- could you remove a few of them???"

Sorry Neil, the photos stay.

Tesco uses the name Meatmen again.

90s Meatmen!
(left to right):Rob San Pietro, Stormin' Norman Voss, Tesco Vee, Mark Davis

more 90s Meatmen!

Stormin' Norman Voss

He played guitar in the band from when they reformed as the new version of the Meatmen between 1993-1996 and was the only guitarist when the band went back to using four people. Originally, Voss, Mark Davis and Mark Glass played in their own rockin band called True Grit. Then I guess Tesco hired them as a back up band and called it the Meatmen. He played on Toilet Slave, Pope on a Rope, War of the Superbikes II, and Evil in a Leage with Satan. After he left the Meatmen, he formed a his current rock n roll band The Stormin Norman Fiasco. Check them out.

Mark Davis

He played bass on the same albums that Norman Voss did. He currently plays in a lot of local bands in D.C. and started with Rob and Norman Voss apparently in bands dating back to Cosmic Slop and Sinister Grin or something like that.

Profile:
Age: 7
Bass: 6 years
Nickname: Wilma
Former Band: The Beatles
Favorite Band: Whitesnake
Favorite Beer: all
Favorite Drug: cocaine
Weakness: gambling
Lucky Number: 666
Favorite Dead Celebrity He'd Fuck: Jayne Mansfield
Favorite Race: Black Women
Favorite Altziemers Patient: Ronald Reagan
Favorite Meat Moment: "Getting the shit beat out of me in Boston. These guys rushed the stage, starting kicking me and broke a bottle on my head...on stage..."

Mark Glass

He was the drummer on the Toilet Slave album and was there from 1993-1994.

Rob "Don't Call Me Halfboy" San Pietro

He replaced Mark Glass in late 1994 and played drums on Pope on a Rope, War of the Superbikes II and Evil in a League with Satan. He now plays in a band called Hot Buttered Elvis with Paul Gonzalez.

Profile:
Favorite Bands: Hot Anus
Drumming: 10 years
Favorite Beer: Free
Do Drugs?: Only to excess
Favorite Way To Go To The Bathroom: High-Altitude Shitting at Deny's
Favorite Chinese Food: Cream of some young guy
Favorite Masterbatory Dream: Bea Arthur
Favorite Meat Moment: watching Mark get pummled in Boston
Ultimate Goal: Drink and have 15 year old girls stick their tongues up his puckered starfish

Paul Gonzalez

Although he didn't make it on any Meatmen records,he replaced Stormin Norman Voss in 1996 and played as the band's guitarist until their end. He currently plays in a band called Hot Buttered Elvis with Rob San Pietro.

Profile:
Previous Bands: Barking Starfish/Pyle
Favorite Bands: ABBA, Jethro Tull, Pantera
Favorite Meatmen Song: "Men, Meat and Fire"
Musical Idol: Tiny Tim
Favorite Drug: Coke
Favorite Sport: Pocket Pool
Happiest Moment: orgasm (any)
Blood or Crip?: Blip
OJ: guilty
Favorite Marx Brother: Harpo
Favorite Howard Stern Crew Member: Jackie
Celebrity Most Like To See Dead: Martin Sheen
Favorite Masterbatory Dream: Chinese Arobic Chick On ESPN-2
Favorite Way To See Wavy Gravy Die: Guilotine
Favorite Meat Moment:
1) 8 16-year old girls slamdancing on stage in Salt Lake City
2) same gig where 3 people got stabbed in a riot

Bianca Butthole

Although she isn't an official member of the band, she is important to note because she dueted with Tesco Vee on some Meatmen tunes from 1996. She sings for her own band called Butt Trumpet and with lyrics about strap on cocks redefines what it's like to be lady like.

Okay, so this isn't 100% accurate but this is the best I have with the resorces I was given.

P.S. if you notice that I'm leaving a member out or a member that never existed, please email me. It's like the blind leading the blind when putting this shit together.

\ Thanks to Stephen E. Strychowski for info on the latest Meatmen members.