Chapter 2:
How I Discovered What Works With Women
It's OK To Be A Man
After many years of
study, research and trying different things,
I've now realized that there is a conspiracy against men being
successful with women.
It's very real, and it's very pervasive in our culture.
Let me explain.
Most men that I know have some kind of 'feeling' that it's wrong in
some way to sleep with more than one woman at a time (I'm not even
referring to a Menage A Trios, either. I'm talking about plain old run-of-
the-mill dating of a couple of women at a time here).
But most women that I know have more than just a 'feeling' about
this. Most women are outspoken and very forward about the idea that
it's WRONG for most men to date and sleep with more than one
woman.
You can see it in their faces and hear it in their voices when they
talk about it.
If you know what I'm talking about, give me a silent nod here.
What I've discovered by doing my homework is that the moral idea
of monogamy (having only one partner at a time) has been formalized,
passed down, and force-fed to us culturally by rulers, religions and
women for thousands of years.
I don't mean to get too far out here, but I feel that understanding
where these beliefs came from and how they are promoted will liberate
many readers.
Onward.
Anywhere from hundreds to thousands of years ago, rulers of lands
kept large harems of women. These harems were guarded carefully to
prevent any males except the rulers from having access to these
women. The penalty for sleeping with one of the ruler's women could
be, in an extreme case, your own death plus the deaths of everyone in
your family and village (Back then there were bigger risks involved!).
These rulers kept so many women not just for the sexual variety
that it provided them, but more for the reproductive power that it gave
them. These rulers often had detailed records kept so they could
copulate with only the most fertile women so as to maximize the
woman's chances of pregnancy and passing on their own genes.
So what do you think these rulers did to protect their harems?
Right! They passed laws (that they were exempt from) to promote
monogamy.
In these times there was a great shortage of women, so these laws
would discourage married men (those lucky enough to find a woman)
from seeking sex outside of their marriage, and therefore protect the
ruler's harem further.
Next, we have the church.
Many religions prohibit sex, make sex 'wrong,' give it some name
with negative connotation like 'fornication,' or in one way or another
discourage it.
I once heard a wise man say "Religions take everything that your
DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it
wrong." Why? Well, if you're busy fighting your internal drives, and
you see God as the only way to cleanse yourself of these 'bad'
thoughts, then you are a much better SHEEP.
If you want to get people to follow you, first confuse them, then
convince them that you know the way to get them out of their
confused state. Easy.
Finally, we have women. This is the interesting one.
If you look at it from an 'economic' standpoint, it doesn't benefit
women at all to have their man running around having sex with other
women. She can only be pregnant with one child at a time, and she
can only raise a limited number at a time, so having a man that's out
spreading his seed is BAD BAD BAD for business for her. When you're
out spreading seed, you can't be working or home helping. Even
worse, you might have other kids with other women which will divide
your attention and income further. (By the way, I'm not saying that
there's anything wrong with women's perspectives. I'm just saying
that if you look at it from their point of view, there's not a lot of
benefit to having a man that likes to sleep with a lot of women.)
So anything that promotes monogamy, like religion, is seen as
'right' to many women, as it goes along with what they know and feel
is right.
Now let's talk about men.
My research leads me to believe that men are 'naturally' inclined to
have one main woman that they are devoted to, but that they like to
sleep with other women as opportunity arises. You can believe what
you want, but do yourself a favor and read Matt Ridley's book "The
Red Queen" before you start speculating.
Think about it. There are major advantages to men (or at least to
their genes) to sleep with many women.
First, it doesn't take a lot of energy, and there's not very much risk
involved (I realize that there is risk of disease, etc. but for the moment
think about the fact that a man could probably father dozens of
children before a disease would take him out, making the trade off,
genetically speaking, a no brainer).
I personally believe that men are hard wired to look for sexual
opportunities and seek out sexual variety. (Let me also add that just
because you're hard wired to like sweet foods doesn't mean that you
should eat only sweet foods. This will lead you to sickness and
eventually can lead to disease and death.)
With this in mind, I'd like you to ask yourself:
What are my beliefs about monogamy?
Where did they come from?
Do I like my beliefs?
Do my beliefs conflict with my inner drives?
Would I like to change what I believe based on this new
information?
In any event, from now forward, don't let anyone or anything make
you feel bad because of your NATURAL desires and attraction to
women. (I'm, of course, talking about reasonable desires and
attractions. If you like to think about hurting women, underage
women, etc. then do yourself a favor and get some help.)
But if you're like me and you were given a set of ideas about
women that you are now realizing to be less than useful, then move on
and start thinking about the subject differently.
My perspective is that sleeping with different women breaks no
'law of the universe,' and it's not an ethical dilemma for me. Any
objections that are in existence were created mostly to control, not to
liberate. My perspective is also that it's important to be honest with
people about your views. And yes, this means talking to women about
them. In my life, I've mostly had long term girlfriends. And if I tell a
woman that I'm going to be faithful, then I am.
But if I'm single, then I see nothing wrong with dating as many
women as I want. (Keep in mind that there are some crazy viruses,
diseases and other scary bugs that want to jump on your wiener. So
use good judgement.)
I've found that if you explain the topic like I just have to a woman,
you'll often show her a perspective that she's never even thought of.
My experience is that women actually LOVE to hear a man talking this
way. It's refreshing to women to hear a man being open about this
controversial topic rather than hiding his ideas. It's important to
remember what I said above: "It's OK To Be A Man."
If you are who you are and make no apologies for yourself, you will
be taken seriously. But if you approach the topic cautiously and act
like you're trying to see if she's OK with your views, you'll be seen as
weak and insecure.
I've found that most women will accept you as you are. But if you
try to act like someone that you're not, then you're found out, you will
be treated with disrespect and ex-communicated.
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