Once engaged in conversation, just listening is not enough. You have to PROVE you’re listening to her. Here are two ways to do this:

1. Listen with a blank, still look: Don't react to what she is saying until she’s done. React to what’s said in the full context of the message. Don't nod and go "Yeah, uh huh, I see" while she’s talking because that comes across as blindly agreeing and also that you aren't even listening.
2. Amplify her reactions: Whatever reaction she has to something, repeat it back to her in a way that demonstrates an understanding of it. If it's a negative reaction, try to put a positive spin on it.
3. Echo her words: If she says, "Yeah, it was a tough exam session and I pulled a lot of all-nighters, but I survived" say "Yeah, you survived. It’s over now." You repeat the main point of her last sentence, with different wording.

Empathy is a way of saying "I understand how you feel". This isn’t a good way to say it though, because maybe you have absolutely NO CLUE how it feels to be groped by that guy over there in the club, or to have your dress ripped up getting out of the limo on grad night, or whatever it was that she was trying to relate. A safer and subtler method is to say things like:

"That must’ve been hard"

"I’ll bet you were happy"

"I’m sure you were excited"

"You were annoyed, I’m sure"

"You were probably sooo embarrassed!"

Another way to show empathy with her is to label her emotions. This is done by labeling her current state and communications with a feeling:

"You sound excited"

"You sound tormented"

"You seem pretty broken up about it"

"Wow, you’re really passionate about…"

"I’ve never met someone so intense about this"

Captioning means excerpting a phrase from a story or experience they related to you and feeding it back later. When the girl is telling a story, pick up on some part of it that she’s obviously proud of. Then, refer to it later on in the conversation.

For example, let’s say she’s a teacher and she tells you a story about how the power went out in a classroom with no windows, and how she managed to get all the 1^{st graders out safely into the hallway. Later, when you’re talking about her organizational skills, you say "Well if you can get 30 scared children out of a dark room with no problems, I’m sure organizing things is no problem at all for you!" Inside jokes are also forms of captioning. Anyone else hearing the joke won’t understand it because they don’t have the connection you two have.}

ONLY caption events that she’s proud of. Don’t tease her about embarrassing moments or be condescending to her accomplishments unless you’re trying to BREAK rapport (more on this in the AMPLIFY section).

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