Frequently Asked Questions
We get lots of questions about how we chose adoption, and more specifically about why we chose to adopt from Ethiopia and South Africa. We encourage questions and are always happy to answer them and have prepared this page of "frequently asked questions" to address some of the more popular questions. If you have other questions please feel free to e mail us at brooklee@hotmail.com
Although we prefer the wording of the first question, we hear the second one often enough to know that it is asked innocently and with the best of intentions. But before we answer the question, we should address the term "own children". Since all adoptive families consider their adopted children to be as much "their own" as their biological children, the terms "biological children" (or "bio") and "adopted children" are more frequently used and accepted in adoption circles.
Like most couples, we discussed our family plans even before we married and it was then that we decided to build our family through adoption. Our decision stemmed from the fact that there are so many children spending their childhood in orphanages around the world. We would prefer to concentrate our resources (parental, financial, etc) on doing our part to provide such children with a home. Many people tell us that our children will be "lucky" but, in fact, we are the ones so lucky to have the opportunity to be their parents.
Given our proximity and connections to China, Hong Kong and Taiwan, many people are surprised that we are not adopting from somewhere in Asia. In fact when we first considered adoption, we also assumed that we would adopt from Asia.
When we first began to conduct internet research about adoption from China, we discovered that the minimum age for adoptive parents at that time was 35 (the minimum age has apparently changed to 30 recently) and we knew that we didn't want to wait another 5 or 6 years to adopt. One of the agencies that we had found on the internet was Adoption Advocates International ("AAI"). We saw that AAI also has a program in Ethiopia and after seeing their photo-listing of waiting children and reading more about their program in Ethiopia we decided to apply to adopt a child from Ethiopia. That is how Messay came into our lives!
Now for South Africa! We were ready to adopt from Ethiopia again when we heard about "A New Arrival" Adoption Agency which had just started a new program in South Africa. They were looking for "pilot families" who were willing to pioneer international adoptions out of South Africa (which was only legalized in March 2000). The program is quick and relatively inexpensive but brand new. We put in our homestudy in mid August and received our referral for Elba just a week later.
We started our adoption research on the Internet where we found Adoption Advocates International ("AAI"). AAI has assisted us with our adoption from the very beginning and they were even able to help us find a qualified Homestudy worker in Hong Kong. Their experience with working with families who reside outside of the United States was one of the reasons why we chose them.
We highly recommend the site known as Adopting.Com for anyone who is interested in learning more about adoption. Adopting.Com has links to hundreds of agencies and facilitators for both domestic and international adoptions.
This question isn't so much "frequently asked" as we think it is "frequently wondered". Adoption costs is an important issue and one that we don't think should be kept secret. Adoptions can be expensive and the actual costs vary from country to country and also vary in respect of circumstances.
When our adoption is finally completed and Messay is finally home, we estimate that the entire process will have cost approximately US$10,000. Although the final sum seems staggering, it has, in fact, been made affordable by the fact that we pay a little here and a little there throughout the process.
Elba's adoption has been less expensive because the in-country fee charged by the South African government is low compared to that of other countries. In all, we estimate that we spent around US$7,000 towards Elba's adoption.
Again, the time it takes to complete an adoption varies from country to country and circumstances. In our case the entire process from finding the agency and starting our homestudy to bringing Messay home will have taken almost 2 years. We have taken longer than most because we took our time getting the paperwork together. Many families are able to adopt from Ethiopia in less than a year. From the time that we received Messay's referral to the time we were able to bring her home was only 5 months.
Elba's adoption was even faster---she was ready to come home with us only 6 weeks after we first received her photograph!
So... what language *does* an Ethiopian girl and a South African girl who live in Hong Kong with their Chilean Dad and American Mom speak?
When Messay first came to our home, she spoke Amharic (also spelled "Amheric"), which is the national language of Ethiopia. When Messay arrived she had 2 languages to deal with initially; Spanish and English. She learned to speak Spanish with her father and English with her mother. Within less than a month she understood almost everything we said to her (in both languages!). Within 2 months she was conversant in both languages and now ( a year and a half later) she is fluent (although she still has a slight accent) in both Spanish and English
Messay has not only mastered two new languages---she is also fluent in Mandarin Chinese (after a year in kindergarten) and can write well over 30 Chinese characters. She is also conversant in Cantonese Chinese (she picked that up from the neighbors!).
We know...it sounds very confusing, but we are strong believers that an opportunity to learn a new language should never be missed and Messay has amazed and delighted us with her ability to pick up languages effortlessly. Unfortunately, Messay has not had the opportunity to speak Amharic and in less than two months after her arrival, we found that she was already forgetting her native language.
Elba doesn't speak anything (yet!) but we expect that she will learn Spanish, English and Mandarin & Cantonese Chinese just as Messay has.
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