Children's
Bible
(The following statements
about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or
corrected, i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)
The seventh commandment
is thou shalt not admit adultery.
A Christian should
have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
Adam and Eve were created
from an apple tree.
Lot's wife was a pillar
of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Samson was a strongman
who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines
with the axe of the Apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews
to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without
any ingredients.
The first commandment
was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
Moses died before
he ever reached North America.
Then Joshua led the
Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle
in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew
king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race
of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's
sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When the three wise
guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary
had an immaculate contraption.
St. John, the blacksmith,
dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the
Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
It was a miracle when
Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed
the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the
wives of the apostles.
St. Paul cavorted to
Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
