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Humor

Church bulletins 1

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of  those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands. 

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a  conflict. 

The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. 

Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 

The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved...the financial secretary gave a grief report. 

Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. 

The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church. 

Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa." 

Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals." 

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
 

Church bulletins 2

1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help

 2. Thursday night -- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow

 3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

 4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs

 5. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of  Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

 6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

 7. Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

 8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put Me in My Little Bed," accompanied by the pastor.

 9. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

 10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

 11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

 12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so

 13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen inthe church basement Friday

 14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

 15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"