I have no plans for tonight

he said

We were sitting in his Mazda

pick-up

under a street lamp

near my apartment

He was my type

lanky   dark-haired

doe-eyed   needy

I wanted to say come in

have a beer

watch TV

show me your pretty cock

But I was timid

said goodnight

thanks for the ride

then went inside

and downed a six-pack

alone

I never saw John again

The grocery store

where we worked fired me

the next day

I overslept again

hungover and exhausted

from whacking off

until 3AM

Just like that

it was over

no more stocking produce

together

no more secret smoke breaks

in the alley

no more rides home

with a hard on

I tried to call him

got his number from

the phone book

a chick named

Angie answered

said he wasn’t home

I didn’t leave a message

Nine years later

I still think of him

when work is tedious

or I’m on a long bus ride

or my boyfriend is getting

his sex from the Internet

I wonder

could we have been

great lovers

expatriates living in Paris

like Scott and Zelda

or book writing poster boys

for gay love

like Rod and Bob

More likely

I’d still be overworked

and getting blubbery

our relationship well worn

comfy and boring

John

untouched by reality

directed by my boundless

imagination

has become my doppelganger

mirroring my desires

changing to fit my needs

always there

when I close my eyes and say

I have no plans for tonight