"Wow. That was some incredible singing," roared Ares, his index finger and pinky waving in the air, head bobbing as he momentarily forgot his painful run-in with the blonde warrior.
Tapert gulped. "How? She! But...but, Renee can't sing."
"T-Dude, that's not Renee O'Connor, that's Gabrielle," said Colleen who held up a lighter in each hand, flicking them on and screaming at the stage. "Awesome, Gabrielle! You rock ass!!"
Manson launched into a slow, haunting guitar groove. Love snarled happily and joined in. Gabrielle vaulted off the stage and walked over to Xena. She took the warrior by her curvy hips. The Warrior Princess gave herself completely over to the blonde's hands as they began to move to the Bad Ass Bards' sultry rhythm. The Amazon began singing to Xena.
Crush
(#1 Crush
by Garbage)
I would die for you
I have died for you
Lately, dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine
(Gabrielle gently swung her hips into Xena's, challenging her and reminding her of how perfectly they fit together. There were few things in the world that could bring the warrior to her knees, but this was definitely one of them. The bard communicated her love for Xena with her body and with her words as she continued to sing softly and urgently.)
I will cry for you
I have cried for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your guilt
I have prayed for
you
You have prayed for me
I have given my soul for something pure and true
Something like us
See your face every
place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I am talking
You do believe in me
And I will never be ignored
I have burned for
you
Felt pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me
Violate all the
love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
I have died for
you
I have killed for you
I suffer for you
I've done time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sail ships for you
To be close to you
To be part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you
The song ended quietly, Manson and Love holding and adding vibrato to the last, shimmering note.
"Did you hear me?" said Gabrielle to Xena as the song ended and their danced stopped.
"Yes," whispered Xena.
The scene froze and godconnie and Mezzo stepped out from behind a small hill.
"Whewsh," said Mezzo, pulling out a cigarette and lighting up. She offered a cigarette and light to godconnie and they both puffed away.
"Do either of us smoke?" asked godconnie nonchalantly.
"We do after that dance," said Mezzo. The fan fic goddess puffed some more and wiped the sweat off their collectively beautiful brows.
"Not helping," Mezzo remarked.
godconnie rolled her eyes, pulled out her notebook and began writing. First, and most importantly (as godconnie is a choc-o-holic), her smoking, ashy cigarette turned into a chocolate one. She munched happily and lustily as she scribbled more. A large pond appeared.
Mezzo looked at gc questioning. "Ice cold," smiled godconnie.
"Thanks! That ought to do the trick." Mezzo hopped up and dove headfirst into the pond, disappearing under the water. The surface of the pond immediately began boiling and steam rolled off the water in misty waves.
godconnie serenely nibbled on her chocolate and waited. But there was no sign of Mezzo. After a few minutes and still no sign of the green-eyed beauty, godconnie began to worry. Suddenly, Mezzo surfaced.
"Still not working," she gasped, out of breath as steam continued to billow from the pond.
godconnie rolled her eyes and began scribbling again. Ares' shirt ripped open, flying off to expose his large, manly he-breasts.
Mezzo screamed in high, holy terror.
"That was HARSH!" she squealed at godconnie.
"Did it work?" gc raised an eyebrow in question.
"Like all of the North Pole at once," replied Mezzo.
"Well, back to it, then," said godconnie.
"You know, we've tried just about everything and we're not getting through to Tapert," Mezzo said to to her comrade. "Torture, hormones, bad dreams."
"Yeah. I think there's only one thing left we can do," started godconnie
"Show him who the daddy is," finished Mezzo.
The fan fic goddesses began walking toward a nearby hill that was a few yards past where Tapert and Ares were standing in a frozen, eyes wide open, tableau.
"I don't know why you dislike his manly boobies so," said godconnie. "I think his titties are nice."
The Island Goddesses brushed past the two men. gc reached over and gave Ares' studly butt a playful, yet deliciously lingering, squeeze.
"Yeah, if you like mushy, veiny, hairy, he-man titties, I guess so," mused Mezzo, raising an eyebrow at seeing her fellow goddess cop a feel. "But he does have fabulous arms. You know, the kind that could just wrap around you and..."
The fan fic goddesses disappeared behind the hill and the scene resumed.
Love and Manson glanced about, confused for a moment. "Did something just happen and we missed it?" asked Manson. Love shrugged. The rock-n-roll high priestesses noticed Xena and Gabrielle were still standing, staring into each other's eyes. Love and Manson smiled at each other.
"Our work here is done," said Love. "Now I gotta get back and kick some music industry bigwig ass."
And with that, the two women climbed onto their horses and rode off into the sky.
Hmmm, thought Tapert looking after them. Flying horses. I should use that sometime.
Ares, meanwhile, stood perfectly still, his eyes popping and mouth agape at the dance Xena and Gabrielle had just shared.
"That was...hot," squawked the dark stud.
"That was love," sighed Colleen, staring at the bard and the Warrior Princess.
"Love? Are you nuts...they're not in love, they're just friends!" yelled a thoroughly exasperated, eternally clueless Tapert.
But the pregnant executive had to admit that the dance was hot and he tucked it away for future use. "But I'll have to change the scene a little," he thought. "That way people won't know I, um, borrowed it."
"How come she didn't react that way to my song?" queried Ares, truly perplexed by the Warrior Princess' actions.
"Face it, Ares," said the doe-eyed co-ed. "When it comes to real, true, drop you to your knees love...you're just half of Milli Vanilli in a Courtney Love world."
"I'm not following you," said Ares. "And I think I've just been insulted."
The former God of War felt a breeze. He looked down. "OK. Where's my shirt?" And then a strange, happy grin crossed the handsome mortal's face. "And why does my butt-cheek feel so warm and tingly?"
Colleen giggled. "The Island Goddesses have been here," she said, eyeing Ares with not a small amount of adorable lust.
"That's a good look on you, Ares," said Tapert finally noticing the dark stud's naked chest. "I should have you run around shirtless next season as much as possible."
All of this passed unnoticed by Xena and Gabrielle, still standing close and enjoying the afterglow of their recent sultry groove.
"Gabrielle, you were so angry..." began Xena.
"I was. And then I remembered something Aphrodite said about what's going on here," said the bard softly.
"What's that?" asked Xena.
"To remember what's most important to me..."
"It's still me?" the warrior whispered, her voice wavering with equal parts hope and fear.
"Always," the bard smiled into Xena's relief-filled eyes. She raised her mouth up for a kiss.
The executive launched himself at the steamy dynamic duo.
"You know what would be really hot?" said Tapert as he squeezed his pregnant belly in between Xena and Gabrielle, thwarting their kiss. The two stepped back from each other, giving Tapert and his enormously pregnant stomach room. "If we stuck a guy in the middle of this dance. Then you get the hotness of two women dancing, but people will still think they're straight. Damn, I'm good," said the red-haired executive.
Tapert looked around at the group expectantly. "So, who won?" he asked Xena excitedly. "Me, right? Yeah. I thought so."
Xena smiled at the bard. "Gabrielle's the winner, Tapert. Always has been. Always will be."
"What?!" screeched Tapert. "Of all the...Why I oughtta," he sputtered. The redhead shuffled around in a circle in frustration, trying to decide what to do when he suddenly ran back to the stage. The pregnant executive attempted to climb up the front of the stage, but after three failed attempts he ran to the side and climbed the steps. From his semi-lofty height, Tapert grabbed the mike and promptly launched into a rant about the unfairness of it all.
Colleen sighed and rolled her eyes. "Will this ever end?" she said quietly.
Gabrielle chuckled. "I guess we ought to let him have his say."
"Do we have a choice?" snorted Xena as Tapert continued his rant.
After a few attentive moments, even Gabrielle was unable to focus on the executive's monotonous ranting. The bard was half listening when she caught a strange glowing out of the corner of her eye. She flicked her eyes over, turning her head slightly and saw a light shining from deep in the jungle. She looked over to Xena, catching her attention. The bard cut her eyes in the direction of the light. The warrior raised a beautiful, dark eyebrow in response. Gabrielle again cut her eyes to the side, ever so slightly nodding her head in the direction of the light, covering the movement by pretending to absently rub her chin. The bard then glanced surreptitiously around at her companions. Everyone had a glazed look in their eyes, even Colleen. Gabrielle quietly set off into the undergrowth to investigate the strange glowing.
And Tapert ranted on. He was now up to accusing the Island Goddesses of setting him up.
"Duh," said Colleen, who managed to tune in for a moment before checking out once again as the deluded TV mogul launched into touting the brilliance of the fifth season.
Xena broke into a huge, wide, happy grin at Gabrielle's eye-footsie. She glanced quickly about, squelching her smile as she didn't want to attract attention. The warrior waited a few moments after Gabrielle disappeared into the undergrowth and quietly melted away from Tapert's hostages. A few yards away from the stage, she broke into another enormous, ear-to-ear grin.
Oh, yeah, Warrior Princess is about to get lucky, she thought happily.
She and the bard had been unable to spend any quality time alone without interruption since they got to the island save for their brief stay on the boat and Xena had gotten the distinct impression someone had been watching them. The warrior was getting testy due to their lack of mutual affection. Xena began unhooking her armor, thinking of the bard's many luscious curves.
Colleen was musing on her place in the Survivor competition and paying no attention whatsoever to Tapert when out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the Warrior Princess slip away. Colleen looked over to see Ares' eyes glazed over. The co-ed decided to take advantage of his distraction and headed into the undergrowth after the Warrior Princess.
Xena, breastplate hanging in her hand and a happy, goofy grin plastered on her face, quietly traveled the jungle where she quickly came upon Gabrielle in a small clearing.
"Xena, what's going on?" whispered Gabrielle, eyeing the unusually happy warrior and her lack of armor.
"Make-up sex, right?" said Xena, blue eyes twinkling.
Gabrielle chuckled and shook her head.
"I'm not going to get lucky," whimpered Xena.
"Baby, you got lucky the first day you met me," teased the bard. She became serious at the warrior's unhappy face. "And I got lucky the first day I met you."
Xena and Gabrielle heard movement in the bushes. They turned to see Colleen part the undergrowth and step through.
"What's going on, guys?" asked the co-ed.
Xena dejectedly put her armor back on. "Nothing, apparently," she sighed.
"I saw something over here. A light. I thought we should check it out," said Gabrielle, smiling at her dark warrior.
The Warrior Princess noticed the light for the first time. Strangely enough, it seemed to be coming from mid-air between a tree and a bush.
"What is it?" murmured Xena.
Colleen took the index finger on each of her hands and thrust them up over her own ears, making them look pointed. She furrowed her brow and proclaimed, "It looks like a tear in the space-time fan fiction continuum, Captain."
Xena and Gabrielle glanced at each other, then back at Colleen. The co-ed smiled.
"Ooops, wrong cult TV show. What I meant is...it looks like it might be a way out."
The threesome walked over to the rip. It was glowing around its edges and seemed to be oozing lavender light. They approached cautiously and peered in. Through the rip, Xena and Gabrielle saw the green lands of their homeland, Greece. It was twilight and Argo II was standing near a tree hunting for apples. Dozens of apple cores littered the ground at the mare's hooves.
"Gabrielle, that's where we left Argo right before we ended up here," said Xena quietly. "There's our gear and food."
"Let's break this situation down a bit," mused Gabrielle. "The Island Goddesses, who may or may not be goddesses..."
"Oh, trust me, they're goddesses," smiled Colleen. "Roooowwwwrrrrr," she winked and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Gabrielle and Xena exchanged amused glances as the bard continued.
"So. The goddesses bring Xena and me here...plus Tapert...and Aphrodite as well."
"And Joxer's still out there somewhere," added Colleen.
Xena and Gabrielle looked at Colleen blankly. Crickets chirped. A slight wind rustled the tall, jungle grass. A lion roared lazily in the distance. The cicadas began twittering loudly from the trees.
"Oh. Oh, yeah, Joxer," the bard said finally. She continued. "Then they create a dreamworld within the island that they not only bring us to, but they also bring Ares, Antony and Borias," the bard stopped and gasped, turning to Xena. "They must be real goddesses. They have control over other gods and goddesses and are even able to bring dead people back to life!"
"It's a fan fiction," shrugged Colleen. "They can make anything happen just by writing it."
Gabrielle turned to the co-ed. "We're real, Colleen. Xena and I are not fiction," she said passionately. The Amazon closed her eyes and shook her head. "Whatever's going on, the bottom line is they have to be expending enormous power to accomplish all of this. And maybe the rip has appeared because they've taxed their power."
"You mean it's falling apart at the seams?" said Xena, getting to the condensed version of the bottom line.
"Could be," whispered Gabrielle. "And with their attention on Fifth-usia and Tapert, this may be our chance to go home."
"We need to be careful," cautioned Xena. "It looks like home, but we don't know what will happen if we actually step through."
Gabrielle nodded in
agreement.
