I’m a cowboy in the movies, born to play the part,
I’ll never drop my character, now’s not the time to start.
The world’s the wild west, that’s always been the case,
But since I’ve got the money, I’ll be droppin’ bombs from space.

I never follow rules, I love to settle scores,
Sellin’ guns to terrorists, piss ‘em off to start a war.
If you give me trouble, you’ll get a face full of my spurs,
Cause actin’ like a jackass is the best damn thing on Earth.

Steal candy from babies, I get off on crime,
I’d take an old man’s watch and then I’d ask him for the time.
If you vote for me, I’ll pay you back in cash,
And if that farmer comes around, I’m gonna kick his ass.

I’ll go with guns a-blazin’, I’ll storm the Senate floor,
I’ll shoot down the liberals, and then I’ll ask for more.
If you give me trouble, you’ll get a face full of my spurs,
Cause actin’ like a jackass is the best damn thing on Earth.

I’ll save all the hostages, I got weapons to sell,
Give nothing to the poor, I’ll just tax ‘em all to hell.
Keep your rights off my women, I’ll keep my hand off of my gun,
Mug the old and kickin’ dogs is what I do for fun.

Cut down the rainforests, huntin’ California Condor,
Drill for oil in Alaska, what else is good for?
If you give me trouble, you’ll get a face full of my spurs,
Cause I love bein’ a jackass, I’m the biggest one on Earth!