Part 10

It had been three weeks since Justin's birthday and he was miserable. Despite all the horrible things the other man had said to him, he missed Josh terribly. Seeing Josh playing the organ during convocation had reduced him to tears the week before. Nothing his friends did cheered him up. Justin's heart was broken.

On the other hand, Josh wasn't doing too much better. He had gone back to his sexual deviant game with Kevin, hoping that if he fucked enough people, the hole in his heart that had been present since the day Justin had walked out of his life would disappear. It didn't.

Joey and Brian noticed the state of their friend and Joey had heard from Chris about how unhappy Justin was, so they decided to do something about it. That's how Brian found himself in Josh's room one Saturday afternoon, watching a boy scramble around the room, putting on his clothes hurriedly, while Josh sat in the middle of the bed, a bored expression on his face.

"So, what was so important that you had to interrupt my playtime? I was just about to pull out a whip." Josh complained, sitting back on his elbows.

"You need to stop. This behavior isn't healthy." Brian told him.

Josh rolled his eyes. "It's the same thing I've been doing since ninth grade. Why the sudden concern now?"

Brian sighed. "I've always been concerned. Me and Joey both. And we blame ourselves for not saying anything. But now I am. You need to stop. Doing this isn't going to bring Justin's back."

An unreadable expression crossed Josh's face at the mention of Justin's name, but it soon hardened again. "I don't give a damn about Justin. I don't want him back." Josh protested.

Brian shook his head. "I'm not stupid. You do this type of thing to forget. First Andrew, now Justin. Which are two completely different situations."

Josh shook his head violently. "No, it isn't. I let them both in too close and now I've paid for both of those lapses of judgment."

Brian put his hands on Josh's shoulders. "It's not the same. Andrew was a prick. He took advantage of your youth and used you, and damaged you. Justin really cares about you. But you're making that situation color your judgment about this one."

Josh drew in a shaky breath. "I really feel bad about what I said to Justin," he admitted quietly. "But when he said what he did…God I was so angry with him. And then what he said about me, it was the same thing that I think about Andrew. Now that I think about it, I was an Andrew to so many people. I mean, they consented but still…" he trailed off, looking at his hands. "I want to apologize, but part of me is so mad at him. It's stupid, I know, but it's like I was trying my hardest to make things good with him and he was just like, whatever, I'm leaving. And then there's another part that's so scared that he's not gonna look at me the same anymore. All wide eyed and wondering."

"You've got to take that chance, man. He deserves your apology. And maybe this time neither one of you will walk away." Brian gave one more pat to Josh's shoulder and then walked out, leaving Josh alone with his thoughts.

_ _ _

While Brian was trying to get Josh to see the error of his ways, Joey made his way to Justin's room. Tyler had already been told ahead of time, so he let Joey in and left to go to the library.

"Hey, Justin." Joey said, sitting on Tyler's bed while Justin sat at his desk, a history book cracked open in front of him.

"Hey. Joey, right?" he asked. Joey nodded.

"I'm here to talk to you about Josh." Joey blurted out. Justin's eyes clouded over with sadness.

"I don't want to talk about him," he said softly.

"Well, good, because I don't want you to talk. Just listen. I know what went down between you and Josh. He didn't tell me everything, but I've known him long enough that I can fill in the blanks. I know you love him. And even though he may not show it, he loves you." Joey ignored Justin's disbelieving snort. "But you see, Josh has these issues with intimacy, as you well know."

"Do I ever!" scoffed Justin. He looked at Joey with sad eyes. "If he loves me, like you say, why doesn't he show it?"

Joey sighed. "Well, Josh will kill me if he knew I told you this, so this is between us, ok? When we got here in seventh grade, there was this guy named Andrew Poston. He was how Josh is now, like Mr. Olmwood. He was a junior, and you know we were these lowly seventh graders, so we completely looked up to him. And Josh, who was just getting comfortable with the fact he liked boys had the biggest crush on this guy. So imagine his surprise when Andrew starts to take an interest in him. It started out small enough, but eventually got heavier and they ended up having sex. Man, we were so jealous because we were these horny thirteen-year-old kids, and here Josh is getting it regularly. And Josh was on cloud nine." Joey paused, his brow furrowing.

"And?" Justin prodded. Joey sighed, and decided to continue.

"Well, after a while, Andrew got a little weird. Like he started tying Josh up and choking him during sex, and at one point even started cutting him with razors. But Josh was so in love with him he couldn't see what this was doing to him. He'd come back to the room with all these strange cuts and scars, but when we said something, he just dismissed it and said we were paranoid. Or jealous. But then one night, Andrew decided that he wanted his friend to use a dildo on Josh while he videotaped it. Well, Josh balked. He refused to let Andrew do that. Well, Andrew wasn't too happy with Josh's refusal. He reminded Josh that he was his bitch, and that he would do whatever he wanted to Josh. And to cement that, he raped him. And then let his friend rape Josh." Justin gasped audibly. "Well, this went on until Andrew graduated. Josh used to shake in fear whenever he was in the same room. He had to go to the hospital more than once. Once, Andrew was mad about his history midterm so he zipped up Josh into a sleeping bag and beat him with a stick. After a year and a half of that, Josh changed. He used to be this goofy, spazzy guy. But by the end, he was this incredibly withdrawn shadow of his former self. When Andrew graduated, he vowed that he would never be at the mercy of anyone else like that ever again. The next year, he became the Josh that is infamous in these halls. No one knows this but me, Kevin, Brian, and now you."

Justin sat there in shock. He couldn't believe it. He still wanted to be mad at Josh, but after this, he couldn't. So many things made sense now.

"I'm not Andrew," he whispered to Joey.

Joey nodded. "I know. Josh has to realize that though. There are lots of things he has to realize, and you too. That's why you two need to talk." With that, he ruffled Justin's curls and left him to process all he had learned.

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