Part 4

The first night went by without incident and the next day found them driving through Kentucky, past a town that boasted having made the world’s largest pancake. Nick had insisted that they stop and see the pancake monument. So now after buying pancake key chains and a shirt for Chris, they were back in that car. They were switching off driving, so Joey was now the one behind the wheel with Chris in the passenger seat playing navigator and controller of the radio, while Nick and Tyler sat behind them whispering and giggling like two adolescent girls, which conveniently left Justin and Josh in the back together. Justin was reading and doing his best to not acknowledge Josh’s presence, while Josh listened to music and discreetly glanced at Justin every two minutes. Finally, Josh got tired of the silence and decided to break it. “So, what are you reading?”

“Anna Karenina.” Justin answered flatly.

Josh nodded. “So, is it for class or for pleasure?”

“Class.”

Josh sighed and decided to try another tactic to draw Justin out of his shell. “So, what’s your major again?”

“English pre-law.”

Josh, tired of the one word answers, placed his hand over Justin’s book to force him to look up. Justin did look up, a scowl on his face. “Listen,” Josh began, “I know you’re upset with me, ok? I understand that. What I did to you was really shitty and I have no good explanation or excuse. I was just young and I fucked up. But I did love you. I know you probably don’t believe me, but I did. And I’m sorry. I sent you hundreds of letters saying that and I tried to call you and tell you but I guess it was too soon to say so. But it was four years ago, and if you didn’t believe me then, then I hope you believe me now. I really am sorry, Justin. I know that you don’t trust me, and I know we’re over but it was a long time ago. Can’t we try to be friends? Or at least be civil to each other?”

Justin snorted. “What is that? Is that the impassioned speech that’s supposed to make me forget everything and fall in your arms? Or maybe the one that’s supposed to get you into my pants?”

Now it was Josh’s time to snort. “That was low Justin. I’m not seventeen anymore. My life does not revolve getting into your pants.”

“So are you saying that you wouldn’t have sex with me?”

Josh rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I would. But there’s a difference between not minding it and actively trying to.” At Justin’s rolled eyes, he said exasperatedly, “What you want me to lie? Yes, I’m still attracted to you. But that’s not what this is about. This is about us getting along. Especially since I’m going to be at Yale…”

“You’re going to Yale?!” Justin interrupted, surprised. “Yeah,” Josh said, slightly confused. “Didn’t Tyler tell you?”

“No,” Justin growled, catching Tyler’s eyes in the rearview mirror and glaring at him, “Tyler didn’t tell me anything.” Tyler reacted by slinking down further in his seat.

“Anyway, that means we could run into each other at any time, and well, I don’t want you to hate me. We do have a history together.”

Justin’s face darkened. “I know that. You’re the one who forgot who I was to you, not me. I didn’t go out and fuck some girl, you did.”

Josh threw up his hands. “I know! That’s what I’m trying to apologize for! But you’re just determined to stay mad at me, aren’t you?”

“So the fuck what if I am! I don’t think that you quite understand why I’m so fucking mad at you. You just replaced a boyfriend for a girlfriend. You weren’t the one that was replaced. I didn’t rip your heart out and fucking stomp on it! Here you were, telling me that you loved me and then I had to watch you kiss this strange girl! Do you know how long it took for you to kiss me? Eight months. And I don’t think you ever did it in public. I thought I was special to you, but you proved me wrong, didn’t you? And now you have the nerve to come to me four years later with no explanation and I’m supposed to just forget? If you really cared you could’ve done this sooner!”

“I tried!” Josh cried out. “I called and sent letters…”

“YOU SHOULD’VE TRIED HARDER!” Justin yelled, fury in his face, his body practically vibrating in anger. “All it took were some unanswered phone calls and some returned noted and you just quit! If you wanted me back so much, you should’ve gotten in your car and come to Olmwood and begged me! God, you prick, I wanted to forgive you. But I wanted you to work at it! You’ve gotten everything too easy, even me, and I wanted you to work to keep me! But no, you just went back to fucking that bitch. Yeah, you showed me how heartbroken you were!” Josh tried to interrupt, but Justin was on a roll. “You know, I was so convinced that if you were over me, then I could get over you. Went and found myself a girlfriend, a pretty little girl named Britney. Unlike you, she really was crazy about me. And I really wanted to love you. But I couldn’t because some twisted part of me was still in love with you and in need of some desperate closure. Thankfully, I decided to give up on that, because it doesn’t look like I’m ever gonna get it!”

Josh decided it was his time to talk now. “What do you want me to say Justin? I thought you hated me. Hell, you do hate me! You went and got a girlfriend and I thought you wanted to be left alone, so I left you alone. And as for the whole Bobbie thing, I don’t have an explanation. I fucked her because she was there and I could. It was easier with her than with you because she never expected anything of me. Like I said, I was young and fucked up. But you were special to me, and you always will be. And I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I just don’t know what to do.”

Justin got quiet, his eyes bright with tears that he refused to let fall. “You want to do something for me?” he spat out. “Fine. Tell me why you didn’t love me enough.”

Josh’s mouth fell open. He was so not expecting that. “I-I don’t know.”

Obviously that was the wrong answer because Justin got all in his face screaming. “No! That is not an answer, dammit! You didn’t just have a drunken one night stand. If you did, I might be able to understand it. But went and got yourself a girlfriend, Josh! I don’t care if it takes you the entire trip to think of something, but you’re going to give me a hell of a better answer than ‘I don’t know’. And until that happens, I don’t want to hear shit else from you.” With that Justin opened back his book and went back to ignoring Josh. A heavy silence fell upon the passengers in the car.

Then Chris cleared his throat and broke the silence with, “Hey, do any of you want to have dinner at Denny’s?”

Part 5 >>>
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