The summer day was hot and sticky, sweat glistening above his lip. Was it odd that he hadn’t been out of his neighborhood for the past few weeks? It felt as if he had to start all over.

The park was packed with people, mostly parents with their kids on the playground, shirtless men running around the basketball court, his friends over on the bench. Jordan passed his line of vision and once again, his attention was on the toddler. He was running around with some girl and Justin shaded his eyes to watch as they waited in line at the slide. He willed his friends to the back of his mind.

Ironically, the only thing he could hear was Josh’s voice telling him he needed to get a life, that sucking face with him wasn’t healthy, for either of him. But Justin liked it, wanted it, he thought groaning. Fuck his friends.

Jordan squawked as he slid down the plastic slide, staying put until the girl tumbled into him. They both giggled before running back up to the line. Out of the corner of his eye, Justin saw it and mentally prepared himself. But when he was face to face with Trace, guilt sliced right through his stomach and his words, leaving him a little speechless.

He gave a meek smile to his friend’s disbelief.

“You mo’fuckin’ asshole. Where the fuck have you been?” Trace questioned, brow furrowed and Justin had been expecting it, frown placed evenly. He did find some small solace in the strong twang laced in Trace’s smooth voice, though.

“Problems, man,” he breathed and it was all before Justin’s eyes as his friend melted, nodding, an arm thrown around him.

“I’m here, man. Place to stay, too. My mom’s been making fun of me. She says I’m acting like a jealous girlfriend, now that aint my style, man. Don’t do that to me, alright?” he played and Justin let himself full out grin.

He turned around and looked for Jordan, cracking a smile as he watched the little girl throw dirt at him.

“Ok,” he promised.

As the two stood side by side, watching after Jordan, Justin couldn’t help his roaming eyes, always landing on the steel gate. Was it his fault he missed Josh?

“I wanna come down and visit you. Y’all don’t know what hell is here,” Josh moaned into the phone.

There was a chuckle on the other line. “What? Josh can’t go around parading in his rainbow cut offs up there in the boondox? Surprising!”

Josh smiled and leaned back. “Jackie, I’m serious. It’s like, this big thing surrounding me here. And when I first came, oh god, I thought I was going to kill myself. Then, ya know,” he paused, debating whether to let the cat out of the bag just yet. “Then things kinda brightened but I still miss Georgia. I may go down there this weekend, could I stay with you?”

The woman laughed. “Of course, Josh had ulterior motives. He doesn’t want to converse with his friend, oh no, he wants a place to sit his lazy ass. I’m so fucking loved, aren’t I? And of course, my parents are in love with you. They’re ready for you to say surprise before geting on one knee and asking for my hand. I might just have to have one of yoru children to satisfy them. Anything to make old people happy. Oh guess who asked about you today, Joshy?”

Josh was trying to comprehend everything. “Huh?”

“Jule was asking about you today. Fancy, I’m actually talking to you but he said to say hello if I ever talked to you. He’s looking good, all tan and shit. He cut his hair too.”

Justin, Josh smiled. “Great for him.”

“You want it, you know it.” After the pause, Jackie noticed the silence. “You don’t?”

Josh laughed. “He’s annoying.”

“Yeah, annoyingly hot! God, what is it, the water down there or something? We’ll change that when you come. How long do you think you can stay for?”

“Too much energy. And just a couple of days. Thanks again, I just need to be with friends again,” Josh said, playing with the keys of his computer.

Jackie’s tone softened and she sighed lovely. “I understand. Don’t worry, we’ll smother you so much, you’ll be puking fucking love when you return. Got me?”

Josh smiled, “Unfortunately, I think so. Hey,” he said, catching his sister’s smirk. “I gotta go, talk to you soon, alright?” he asked before he just hung up, slipping off his bed to the door.

When he got to the threshold he couldn’t help the curve of his lips, Justin standing shyly. Josh loved it.

“Couldn’t stay away?”

Justin grinned, sparkling teeth and all. “You know you want it. Your sister is the devil, too.” He cast a glance to the end of the hall. “She had me standing otuside for a good minute, tryna figure out who I was.”

Josh just laughed and started towards his stereo. Justin took his usual seat on the bed, splaying out. The brunette swallowed at the skin revelead from his haphazard landing, looking away when Incubus played.

“Damn, this is so fucking familiar. We do this everyday, you know that?” Justin asked, sitting up slightly to remove his shirt. He ran a hand over the sweaty beater and Josh watched him closely, daring him with a gaze.

“Shut the door,” he murmured and Josh rolled his eyes.

“You act like you’re gonna die if the door is open.” None the less, he closed it and turned on his fan. He certainly wasnt complaining a minute later when Justin was stretching out of the undershirt, throwing it to land on his shirt. “Scratch what I just said,” he mumbled and padded over to the bed, sitting on his knees.

“Of course,” Justin smiled, leaning up slightly, the other responding easily as their lips met briefly. After each gentle kiss, Josh lowered himself onto the blonde until they were fit into each other’s curves.

Justin clawed at Josh’s shirt and the other let him pull it up to his neck but never over. He couldn’t stop the kiss if he wanted.

The blonde whimpered at the touch of Josh’s warm chest to his, their different heart beats pulsing against one another. Justin thought it important enough to stop kissing. He laid a hand on Josh’s shoulder, kissing down the slope of his chin. He wanted to say soemthing corny like, “Can you feel it?” but he hummed into the brunette’s neck instead.

“I missed you today, is that sad?” Josh asked, wrapping an arm around him.

Justin smiled as he shook his head no.

“We should go out together. Like, out of Millington. Let’s go to Memphis, its like an hours drive.”

“And whos gonna take us, smart one?”

Josh rolled his eyes. “You forget I have a licence dumbass. I’ll take my dad’s truck. No biggie, plus, it’ll give him a reason to stay home. His back has been bothering him all week but he won’t even stay home. My mom has been tryna get him to take the day off but it hasnt worked. And we all know she–” He stopped at Justin’s look. “What?”

“Why are you always doing shit for others?”

“It’s my parents, man.” Justin raised an eyebrow. “Because, when other people are happy I’m happy.”

“I don’t get it,” he replied and stuck his head back into the crook of the other’s neck, his hand jamming itself into Josh’s front pocket.

When Josh moved against it slightly, Justin resumed his kissing. “Know what you’re doing,” the brunette gritted out.

Justin licked the hickey he just gave and sighed. Josh tasted so good, his lips tempted to press one more time, the silky texture of his skin beneath his mouth. It felt like melted chocolate on his tongue and he bit slightly to calm himself down.

The blonde slipped his hand into Josh’s back pocket now, bringing their groins together. Josh’s throat caught at the feel of Justin’s arousal. He pressed down more, catching Justin’s lips.

They moved against each other, having gone this route before but this time, Justin felt it in his gut. He had never known it would feel this good with someone else and realizing it was Josh only messed with his horomones that much more.

He ran a hand through Josh’s hair, the brunette grabbing his ass in reply as they undulated closer. Josh bit the underside of Justin’s neck, his tongue thick as it licked up to his chin and into his mouth again. Splinters of pleasure shot through Justin when the older boy’s hand curled around his hip.

When Josh kissed him again, Justin felt that energy in his belly again, reaching down with inexperience and sliding a hand beneath the jean waistband. The brunette stalled for the moment Justin’s fingers curled around him, opening his eyes to watch the blonde. He was pumping his hips slowly the next instant when Justin licked his open mouth.

Justin had never touched another person’s cock. But he knew what it was like to tug and to jerk and it wasn’t as hard as he had assumed. It seemed as if whatever he did, Josh would groan and grind, then kiss him with gratitude. His own cock appreciated the sounds Josh made as he pulled his fist.

“Stop,” Josh breathed, pulling away and Justin’s eyes shot to him, an internal alarm shouting.

“What?” he squeaked and cringed.

His hand was still in Josh’s pants and his wrist was twisted at an awkward angle since Josh had decided to lie on his back.

“I, I was gonna...” he panted and Justin raised an eyebrow, wincing as his wrist curled. “Here,” Josh finally said, opening his eyes to stare at Justin. And lord, Justin felt it in his toes how damn pretty Josh really was. His eyes were shaded and his mouth was open, his cheeks that much more prominent. Justin swallowed against the immense want coursing through his body, pooling in his crotch.

Too immersed in watching, the blonde didn’t realize Josh was removing his pants until the other started on his buttons. Justin slid out of them easily and lie uncertainly on the bed. His boxers were tented and Josh’s palm gently slid over the swelling. Justin closed his eyes when Josh slipped a leg over his, their erections bumping accidentally before the brunette moved his hips and this time, they met purposely.

Justin moaned and held on to the other’s shoulders. The friction and the mere fact that Josh’s chest was rubbing against his, that Josh’s dick was pressed up against his, only veiled by thin peices of material, had Justin panting in two minutes. He knew he wouldn’t last long, but he didn’t want to embarrass himself either.

Josh kissed Justin’s collar bone, his lips molding around the skin as Justin tensed. He felt the boy’s stomach contract against his plenty of times now to know that he was holding back. Hell, he was doing it too but he wanted Justin to come. He wanted to make Justin come.

His hand smoothed over the small dips of Justin’s abs, fingers scraping over his belly button before they slipped into his boxers, kinky curls greeting Josh first. His hand then traveled lower, Justin’s thighs spreading obscenely.

He squeezed the other’s balls lightly, bringing his head down to kiss a nipple as they tightened. Deciding all at once, he smiled into Justin’s chest, pushing his pelvis down and bringing his hand up, making the blonde howl.

Justin tried to catch his breath but there was come on his stomach and Josh was murmuring in his hair. He brought his hips up with what energy he could collect and rubbed his hip against Josh’s crotch, the brunette whimpering in his ear. Thats when he brought his arm down and finished Josh off, his own body reeling when Josh came, his lips sealed around his earlobe.

They panted against each other, sweat sleek chests heaving in unison. Josh had never been slightly paralyzed after coming and he breathed in Justin’s ear, the blonde’s hands caught in between them.

Justin had never done that, with anyone. He had never experienced such ovewhelming feelings that lasted only seconds long but he wanted them, more and more. It was different than touching himself. It was different than a wet dream. Josh wanted him too. Josh wanted to touch him too and that stirred the sensations fluttering in his stomach up again.

Too many things were running through his mind. The way he felt for Josh, before and after, the way his body felt, the set reality of what just happened and the consequences, not to mention the guilt. He wasn’t into set judgements but still, this was a guy, this was Josh.

“Fucking ridiculous,” Josh breathed and rolled off, blinking heavily. Justin, more embarrassed than anything else from Josh’s vocalization, didn’t enjoy coming off the temporary high and scrambled around for his boxers, slipping them on. He grabbed his beater and wiped himself off before reaching for his hoodie.

He stopped when the hood was pulled away and he turned around, meeting Josh’s silver eyes. He sighed and sank back onto the bed, still looking away.

“Why are you panicking?”

Justin winced. “I’m not,” he exhaled.

Josh just laughed and tugged on the sweater, Justin at his will as he fell forward. He handed Josh his beater and Josh smiled.

“You’ve, ya know, before, right?” Josh asked, sneaking a look just to make sure.

“Of course!” Justin blushed and covered his face. He then looked up. “Did it feel like it? ‘Cause I do it all the time and I was just nervous–”

“No, no,” Josh laughed loudly. “You’re too fucking cute. I mean, ya know, I didn’t wanna like, find out you’ve never wanked off and your first time was with an old dude–”

“You’re not old. You’re mature.”

Josh dwindled internally and he reached for Justin, his palm slipping over the other’s cheek. “How could anyone think of you as a problem child? They need to see you after you come, thats what it is.”

Justin flushed flame red and tossed the other’s boxers at him. The quiet stimulated the blonde’s thoughts and before he knew it he was internally pacing. He had just got off from another guy. Almost immediately: What was everyone gonna think?

Josh dressed quickly before disappearing from the room, Justin waiting a while before picking up a photo album he had already seen but had liked, trying anything to get these thoughts to calm.

Heather then stood in the open door, not hiding her interest. Justin, beyond paranoid, spread the book over his lap.

“No hard feelings right?” she asked, her eyes twinkling and Justin paled. “Anyways, my mom wants to know if you’re staying for dinner. Also, should I be nosey as to why you’re sitting in my brother’s room with just boxers on? I mean... why do you keep looking behin– Ah! Shit!” she screamed as Josh grabbed her waist. She turned and slapped him, huffing down the stairs, Josh slipping into the room with a mile wide grin.

“She was scamming on you, had to get rid of her.” He sauntered in and took a seat by the blonde. He licked Justin’s neck before looking over his shoulder at the pictures, satiated.

“That’s my favorite,” Justin pointed out, finger on one of young lanky Josh sitting in sand, squinting into the ocean. He turned to Josh, brow furrowed. “How do you feel when you see me?”he asked quietly. He hesitated before reaching up, fingers flitting over plump lips. Josh kissed all five before leaning in for a chaste kiss. The ball of anxiety thawed. “I get this quiver in my stomach everytime I think of you. It’s like butterflies but it’s like, even better butterflies. Not nervous or anything but, like...” He looked at Josh. “Excited, ya know? And I don’t know if it’s just this whole ‘new’ thing or if I’m really as into you as I think. I hope,” he whispered, turning back to the pictures. He peeled back the plastic and took out the 5x7, putting it on the nightstand. “Can I have it?”

“If I say no, you’re just going to take it. What do you think?” Josh smiled as he spoke into the silence for the first time. “It’s hard, Justin. I hope you know that. Because I know I like you as much as I do. And you don’t get the implications or consequences this has. No one can know, I mean, I was hiding before, Justin, I don’t feel like going back in the closet.”

Justin swallowed the sudden knot in his throat. “What the hell does that mean?”

Josh shrugged. “It means that I’m confused with where this is gonna go. I wanna be with you, I’m gonna be with you,” he reinforced with his gaze, “but it’s gonna be hard. Just be warned, this is gonna be hell.”

“Don’t tell me that.”

“I’m not going to lie to you. I’m surprised you’re not freaking out about it now. The first time I kissed a dude, I flipped. Ran home crying and shit. My mom thought I had gone mad and I stayed home the next day from school. Ryan Maroe,” Josh chuckled, staring off. Justin felt his stomach sink. He didn’t know which felt worse. The idea of stepping into this whole new world, into this new mold of himself, or the fact that Josh was thinking of his first kiss. That Josh wasn’t aware of their actions altering Justin’s world. There was no going back now and he didn’t know if he was sure. A motion from the door caught his then sporadic attention and he yelped. Josh cut his head towards Justin, then to his line of sight. The brunette just rolled his eyes and got up, closing the door.

Justin just frowned and laid closer when Josh joined him again, the sheer comfort settling his nerves, checking the door to make sure before bravely reaching for Josh’s arm, laying it over him as he closed his eyes to clanking skillets downstairs.

Roy blinked, trying to decipher his mind playing tricks and reality. He knew Josh was gay, it had been everywhere for so long. He accepted it but...

Justin?

Now Roy wasn’t a bible thumper but he had his beliefs and he had his opinions and the fact that suddenly Justin was sitting so close, and bare naked and... kissing his son.

Josh just couldn’t get in any more trouble, he decided, walking slowly to his bedroom to rest on his decision.

Justin had called to check in at about seven, his mother asking him to come home a little earlier. Of course, with Josh by his side, an argument started and now the blonde was sulking as he crossed his backyard. He hoped everyone would stay the fuck back, his temper for some reason boiling.

The moment he opened the screen door, Paul raised an eyebrow and left the kitchen, his mother putting the back on her earrings.

“I forgot, sweetie,” she said, her southern tang ringing in her tone. “Paul has some advertisement hoopla, I can’t even remember. But I need you to keep an eye on Jordan. We’ll be back in a few hours, we’ll call before we leave.”

She busied herself around the kitchen, writing down numbers and such. Justin stared blankly at her. “I’m sorry to spring this on you, but we need you.” Noting the look she decided against a goodbye hug, Paul passing right by them before slipping through the door. Justin snorted, if he wasn’t going to make an effort, like hell Justin was going to.

“And nobody over, hear me?” Lynn said firmly. “I know you haven’t been home most of the time, but the same rules apply. I’ll see you. Oh! And Jordan is to be in bed by 8, no later! Bye!”

The door shut and Justin tried to process it. Had he heard bitterness in his mother’s tone? Yeah, so what if he hadn’t been here, less problems for them, right?

“Fuck it,” he mumbled as he turned into the living room, right into Jordan. “Hey there, kid. What are you doing?”

The child toddled into the kitchen, stood on his tippy toes to reach a jar and pulled out a fruit snack. “Nothin’,” he smacked with a grin and Justin smiled himself, following the five year old out of the room.

Three hours later, Jordan looked up to see his parents walk through the threshold, skipping upstairs before he was caught. But his mother caught the tail end of him and Paul turned on the lights, flourescent bursting through the room. Justin awoke with a start as light invaded his view.

“The fuck?” he grumbled and heard someone growl. He squinted up at Paul and pursed his lips.

“Justin, your mother gave you strict instructions to have Jordan in bed by eight. Was it really that hard?”

Justin swallowed his harsh words, the most poisonous still on his tongue, though. But as he watched his mother shoo Jordan away, her young face wrinkled in, he swallowed that one too.

“Aren’t you going to say something? Last time I checked, you weren’t mute, boy,” Paul nudged. “Are you tryna act stupid?”

“Paul,” Lynn whispered through her teeth. It wasn’t going to work this way.

The brunette waved a hand out. “Go upstairs and put him to bed, it’s way past his bedtime–”

“Don’t talk to my mom like that. She can do whatever the hell she wants to do.” After spitting out his statement, Justin realized it was too late to go back. It was either stay or move on. And the fight in him couldn’t let go, the fueling confusion of this day pressing his fingers into his palm.

“Justin–”

“Lynn, I said go!”

Justin pushed Paul, not hard but enough to make his point. “I’m not afraid of you. Go ahead and hit me for standing up to a pussy like you but you don’t control her–”

“You touch me one more time and I’ll have your ass arrested, hear me? This is my family now. Get used to it, or get. Out.”

Justin stood still, his heart panicking in his chest, the blood swimming in his ears louder than the television and he had never been faced with this. He had never let this happen either, and too many new emotions swarmed through his body.

“Go to your room,” Paul spat and Justin gulped before numbly trekking into his room. When he got there he flopped onto his bed, his chest feeling as if it was being wrapped around a fist before a beat down occurred. The butterflies zipping around in his stomach didn’t help much and he tried to think of better thoughts. Like of when he was going to stand up to that man. Like when he would be able to see Josh again, to sort this shit out.

TBC...

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