Part 11

Justin was leaning against the apartment door, finishing off his second cigarette. He threw the stub to the ground, not bothering to smoosh it. His feet were frozen and his cheeks were red. He shook the pack, reaching for another one.

He lit up with shaky hands, releasing a big breath of smoke as he sighed.

"God, dammit." He took another drag, this one long and hard and he coughed, wiping his mouth with his sweatshirt sleeve.

He didn’t get why this man was doing this to him. Why he was letting it happen. This guy... he had powers over Justin that he couldn’t control. When he looked at him, he shivered with excitement. And he didn’t know why that was.

What was this guy?

A scrawny cop who couldn’t cook very well and snored and took covers and had a big nose and nice eyes, and a beautiful smile and model cheekbones and great hair and...

He took a desperate drag, rubbing at his eye with his free hand. This couldn’t be good. He was not jonesing over this guy. No.

He wiped that off of his list immediately. So what did that leave? The guy had a nice mouth?

Well... yeah, the guy could kiss like he had made it up. And his hands knew where to hold-- Did he just say hold? He meant touch, touch Justin.

"Fuck." He wanted to kick something. Hurt someone and he clenched his fist, smoking his cigarette. And fuck, if it wasn’t freezing outside. He should have known.

But he wouldn’t go back in there. Couldn’t. JC’d be there, ready to have a heart to heart talk over some faggot ass cup of tea. He growled to himself and reached for another cigarette as he threw the used stub to the ground.

He wasn’t gay.

But he liked-- he was attracted to-- There was something about JC that just... reeled him in, quickly, with no questions allowed to be asked. And he couldn’t deny it. Now he just needed to figure out what the hell that thing was. What was it?

This was his fourth and final cigarette and he savored it. His last thoughts, landed on JC (Really, where else would they be?) And he shuffled from one frozen foot to the other, bitting on his lip as the smoke flowed through his nose. He coughed slightly, and swallowed. He could always taste the smoke more when he did that.

What was it that JC hooked Justin with?

It wasn’t his personality, though Justin secretly loved when JC laughed, his face screwed up with a smile.

It wasn’t his humor. He was dry and lame and corny and god, adorable.

It wasn’t his body. He had seen better bodies on girls... though, he was sure underneath the clothes and the layer of skin, it was rough muscles and hard bones.

It wasn’t his sex... oh shit.

Justin threw the still good cigarette to the ground. Maybe that was it... maybe it was the sex. Nothing more, nothing less. He wanted sex with this man and... But he wasn’t gay. Justin wished he had that cigarette again. He wasn’t gay. It was just this man.

An image flashed before his mind, all dark eyes and pale skin and... "Fuck!" he growled lethally and his face screwed up, pushing against the tears prodding at his eyes. He was not going to cry over that stupid, heartless bastard who-- Fuck, why did he throw away that cigarette. He checked the empty pack. Yup, that was it.

Justin turned, enough of the bitter cold outside and stepped through the threshold, leaning back against the fake wood once inside the warm apartment. JC was no where in sight and Justin guessed he was in the bedroom. Justin pushed against the door. He couldn’t face JC now. Not when he was all teary eyed and on the verge of going insane.

Justin tried to calm himself down with deep breaths though his breathing was raspy. Damn lungs. He needed to figure out this thing with JC first, why he was... He gulped and put a hand to his forehead. He had to admit it. If only to himself, he had to admit it.

He was attracted to JC... but just for sex, he justified and took a deep, long breath, exhaling as he slid down the door. He didn’t feel much better, he just felt dirty and smelly and like this cop was giving him silent hell.

He hated JC but lusted after him. Wasn’t that what happened in the movies all the time? And of course they all ended where the sworn enemies fell in love and pranced off happily. Well that shit didn’t happen to him, so he wasn’t counting on anything.

He started for the door with determined eyes. If this was just sex, and he was sure it was, then he could get it out of his system quickly, move on and leave the damn cop to his business.

His hand stilled on the doorknob, his fingers twitching nervously. He was nervous but he swallowed the anxiety. He was just in lust with this guy... He hadn’t expected the shiver that ran up his spine at the words and narrowed his eyes. He didn’t say love or anything... God.

He tried again and this time the knob turned easily, the door cracking open as he moved forward. His breath caught in his throat when his vision focused.

JC was sitting on the bed, the lamp beside him on, his eyes now trained on Justin and the blonde suddenly, unexpectedly had butterflies in his stomach. The door shut behind him and he swallowed loudly. He had come here to do something and he was going to do it, looking at JC intensely, if anything, for himself.

Part 12