Part 20

“So, it hurt?”

JC laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “I cried like a little baby through it all. It hurt like hell.”

Justin smiled and plucked JC’s ear, continuing to scoop up the lasagna on his plate. “You are a baby. It’s just a tattoo. Some dudes get their cocks pierced. Imagine that shit.” The blonde looked up into the dead panned look JC was giving him and giggled to himself.

“Hey.” Justin said and took a sip of his beer.

JC raised his eyebrows and his forked stalled in mid air. “Yes?”

“What’s wrong with ya friend?”

“Joe?”

“Yeah, what the hell is up his ass?”

JC shrugged, turning back to his food. “He just needs to accept shit and not dwell on right and wrong.”

“And you’re right and I’m wrong?”

JC looked up quickly. “No. No one said that. He just looks at it like, you’re in another league than I’m in-”

“That I’m lower than you?”

JC’s brow furrowed and he screwed up his face. Justin was starting to get defensive for no reason and his tone was hard. “What the hell are you talking about? When did this become an ‘I’m better than you’ argument?”

Justin shrugged and sat back, crossing his arms. “I just wanna know where I stand.”

JC rolled his eyes. “So, suddenly because everyone else thinks this is wrong, I do too? I like you. You like me. Who the hell else matters?”

Justin sighed and JC could see the fight in his eyes dissolve quickly and a limp shrug of his shoulders showed defeat.

“So, are you done?” JC didn’t wait for an answer before picking up the two plates, Justin smiling at him. He grinned back, just glad the tense moment was gone.

“You’re such a girl.”

“And you’re a lazy bastard.”

Justin smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Such foul language.”

JC reappeared and swatted his head. “I’m going to bed. I have to go to work in like...” He looked over to the clock, seeing it was only 11. “The morning.” he chuckled and Justin stood walking with him to the bedroom.

But once in the bed, both half-naked and curled around each other, sleeping was the last thing on JC’s mind.

Justin’s fingers always seemed to gravitate towards JC’s tattoo, smoothing over it as their mouths worked against each other’s. JC slipped his tongue inside the blonde’s mouth, his hands gripping at the younger man’s shoulders.

“Mm- wait. Wait.” he pulled away and blinked. “You still have to tell me how you ended up here.”

Justin’s hand pulled away and he shook his head. “Look, you don’t wanna-”

“I did it. Don’t be a pussy.”

Justin was shocked at how much JC sounded like himself and he couldn’t help but smile; though his nerves were working and he was sweating.

“But-”

“But nothing. Trust me.”

Justin was caught in a crossroads. Was he going to really tell JC the truth? The truth was personal and heavy and something he hated to think about, none the less talk about. No one knew it, except himself, and to branch out was a little frightening.

JC’s palm grazed his cheek, diverting his attention to the man before him. “Please.” he asked and Justin sighed, giving in to JC’s eyes.

He shifted, getting comfortable; JC’s eyes on him as he bit his lip. “Don’t think I’m some bitch. This is... don’t go spreadin’ this around.”

JC rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure my friends would love to hear about your life story.”

Justin pinched JC’s hip and narrowed his eyes. “Shut up. Alright, here.” He took a deep breath and swallowed his anxiety.

“I told you, ya know, I lived in Memphis for a minute. And I was always... different, ya know? I was sensitive, I cried like a little bitch, I was called a sissy. School sucked, friends sucked, parents sucked, life sucked. So I went to this party one night, blazed and met this dude...” Justin’s eyes met JC’s and the brunette scooted closer.

************

“What are you doin’ here, kid?” A deep voice rumbled and 13-year-old Justin looked up, his eye lids heavy, his vision blurred as he regarded the man.

“Kid.” he snorted and the man smiled.

“How old are you? 11?”

Justin turned around sneered. “Try 13, bitch.” he spat with venom, hoping to show up the other. But the brunette just smiled.

“You don’t even look 13. You look like you could be older, 15 maybe.”

“You just called me 11.”

“Name’s Shane. I saw you on the basketball team.”

“You’re fucking smacked.”

“You too. You’re also going into high school. What high school?”

“Westbranch.” Justin turned around and licked his dry lips, looking at the other guy. “Why?”

Shane smiled. “I go to Hillandale. I was hoping you would too.”

Justin tilted his head and smiled. “What grade are you in?”

“12th. Goin’ into 12th at least. Maybe we’ll see each other.”

“We will.”

Shane grinned and pointed to the porch. “Wanna?”

Justin nodded and went, his heart thumping wildly.

*************

“I met this cat, Shane. And ya know, I was, what? 13? And I didn’t know what the hell was goin’ on. All I knew was that I wanted this guy, and by the end of the night, I had him. He walked me home and the next day, we hooked up, ya know, to go out. But, I mean, likin’ boys ain’t that great in the south, so we had to sneak around. But Shane was worth it. He was perfect. He was a few years older than I was and he just; he knew how to play me. He knew what to say to get me to do shit.”

**************

“J?”

Justin looked up from his magazine and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Shane climbed around the couch and sat on Justin, the younger boy cringing under the weight.

“You damn ape. What?”

“You know how I said that you were older for your age?” he spoke softly against Justin’s lips, the blonde reaching for a kiss. They tangled on the ratted couch for a few minutes before they rolled off onto the floor, Justin pinned beneath Shane’s weight.

“Yea.” Justin breathed, his hands shaking against Shane’s.

Shane squeezed Justin’s hand. “You’re so special. You’re so mature for your age. We just... I just know that you’re ready for stuff that other people aren’t.” Shane gave him a light kiss on the neck, his tongue darting out to lick up his jaw.

“So, what you’re saying is...”

Shane bit his ear softly. “You’re ready and I know it.” He accented the statement with a slow grind and Justin groaned, his face twisted into a frown.

“Shane.”

“What?”

“14.”

“You’re older than that. I know you are. In the mind, you are. And you’re ready.”

Justin gave into the tempting kiss and spread his legs, ready to do whatever Shane said.

****************

“I can honestly.” Justin’s grip tightened on JC’s hip. “I could honestly say I was in love with him.” He swallowed thickly and bowed his head. “I loved him so much. He knew me; he understood what the hell was goin’ through my head. He just... he cared. And one day he finally convinced me to come out. He said it would be better for both of us, to be out. So I did, him by my side and... and, and my fucking parents kicked me out on the spot. I didn’t have shit except for Shane and he let me move in with him.”

******************

“Gay?” His mother’s eyes were so wide they were kind of scaring him. His father was silent, but you could see the flames in his eyes. Justin gripped Shane’s hand and squeezed as hard as he could.

“Gay? But... baby, you’re only 15... You don’t know what you want.” she whispered and Justin shook his head.

“No, no. I know what I want. I know who I am. This is who I am and I want your acceptance.”

Justin’s father stood up, tall and intimidating then and pointed a finger at Justin. “You don’t deserve our acceptance. You’re a fag. A sin and you deserve to get AIDS like all those other faggots who rot in hell. Get out, now.”

Justin, who had shiny eyes then, looked to his mother, trying to find something to stay for, but when she looked at him with fear, he turned his head, walking out of his family.

Shane held him on the bus, the blonde sobbing into his chest as they rode to Shane’s apartment.

*****************

“God, he was fuckin’ perfect. He just... he was all I needed. Then he asked me to move with him to Detroit and I didn’t have much so I said yea, even though I was only 15 and shit. But then, when we got to Michigan, I found out Shane had a... had a fuckin’ wife. A wife with a kid. And I had met the bitch, too. We used to go to the same church and came over a lot.”

******************

“Hey Justin.”

Justin turned around, surprised to see Amelia from Memphis on his street. He was coming from work at the local bagelry, walking home.

“Oh, hey Amelia. What are you doing here?”

Amelia shrugged with a smile, tucking a piece of red hair behind her ears. “Well, I just found out something important and had to tell you.”

Justin’s face screwed up in confusion. “What?”

Amelia stepped closer, and suddenly the smile was gone and her eyes were hard as they zoomed in on him. “Shane Woods, sweetie, is my husband.” She lifted her hand, twiddling her fingers to show off the bright glare. “He is also the father to my child and it has surfaced that he has had a mistress... Or mister would be so much more fitting, don’t you think?” Justin swallowed and tried to comprehend everything. Shane? Married? Kid? Cheating? This was crazy.

“You’re a fucking liar.”

Amelia growled. “Justin, you’re a kid who gets fucked by my husband every night. Don’t fuck with me, mister. Shane is mine. We married a year ago and since then we have been haply together. Until he tells me that there is a problem. That his ‘nephew’ needs some help. That he was coming to live with Shane for a while. But I didn’t think much of it. Shane was good. He did that kind of crap. But when you find out that you’re moving to Detroit and the little twit is coming with you, well, you get a little disappointed, Justin.” Justin moved back and looked for an out. “Look, I don’t know-”

“And then when you decide to drop your husband, that you don’t live with, by the way, a visit one day and find him blowing his ‘relative’, what the fuck are you going to think?!”

Justin jumped back and hit a fence, his blue eyes full of worry. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know! I didn’t know you two were-”

“How did you not know? We were together all the time!”

“He said y’all were just good friends. Really good friends... he, he told me...” Shane stepped from a nearby car, holding a small child in his arms, his face dark with regret. “Shane?”

Shane shook his head, brunette wisps falling into his eyes and Justin felt lightheaded, his chest ready to cave in.

Amelia stepped forward. “You stay away from him. From us. He doesn’t need a little whore diverting his attention. He’s ours. Let him go.”

They all walked hand in hand away; Justin left to pick up the pieces as he panted against the fence in front of the apartment he shared with Shane.

***********

JC watched as Justin’s skin flushed and his breathing sped up. A soothing hand rubbed down his hard back, hoping to calm him down. But inside, anger was rushing through JC’s veins. Fuck this Shane with a shovel.

Justin continued and closed his eyes. “She confronted me one day and told me to stay my faggot ass away from her man and when I saw Shane by her fucking side with that damn baby, I just... fuck.” There were tears in his eyes and he tried to push them away. “I didn’t want to do it anymore. Fuck.”

JC had tears in his own eyes, never before seeing such a raw, vulnerable state. He wanted to take it away, wanted to make Justin forget all about Shane.

“You think it’s the end of your life. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And one day I decided to fuck everyone and made it on my own in the apartment. Then I met Marcelle at the CD shop I worked at and he told me about this bomb party after I gave him a few CDs for free. I went and hit it off with the people there and ended up moving in with Marcelle after a few more parties.”

************

“Ey, white boy. ‘Celle’s been tellin’ me ‘bout you. What’s ya name?”

Justin shifted and swallowed some of his drink, his eyes taking in the tall man beside him. “J. Yours?”

The man laughed and elbowed another. “Yours? Proper ass kids. Name’s Slim. What’s a honkey like you doin’ here?”

“Hey, you don’t see me running around callin’ every black person I see a n-”

“Say it and I’ll cut you.” the man warned but there was a spark in his eyes.”Ok, so honkey isn’t the word. How old are ya?”

“17.” After a bored look Justin rolled his eyes. “15, but I’m grown for my age.”

“You got some balls. Where you stay at?”

“Detroit. But I work down here, off of Georgia.”

“Why the hell you live in Detroit if you work all the way over here?”

Justin shrugged and the man rubbed his chin.

“Maybe we can set somethin’ up. We got a few houses here for-”

“Nah, I couldn’t. I got this apartment in Detroit. An hour on the bus ain’t gonna kill me.”

The older man bit his lip and studied Justin. “You’re a different breed, white boy. Sure you ain’t got any black in ya? What’s up with this hair? White people ain’t got hair like that.”

Justin smiled and rolled his eyes. “I don’t know. But I mean, how many black people you know got blonde hair?”

“Albinos.”

Justin gave him a deadpanned look. “Yeah, and I’m really an albino.”

Slim smiled and nodded. “You’re a trip, man. Come, let’s get you high and into some girls. You old enough to get it up, right?”

***********

“And that’s where I am today.”

Justin’s eyes opened and JC fell at the image, a gentle hand running over Justin’s face.

“I’m sorry.”

Justin shrugged it off. “Shit happens.”

“Shane was an ass.”

Justin tensed and licked his lips. “So I told you, I’m goin’ to sleep.”

JC nodded but frowned and burrowed close, falling asleep quickly as Justin’s fingers continued to caress the tattoo on his hip.

Part 21
Tricky Index