Part 21

“Justin?”

JC leaned closer, his hand sliding over Justin’s waist.

“Justin?” he tried again, but no answer. He knew Justin was awake. He could see him through the mirror. “I can see you in the mirror.”

Justin closed his eyes and JC smiled, poking the blonde’s chest.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly and Justin frowned, burrowing into the covers.

“Tired.”

“Liar.”

“Fuck you, you’re not me.”

JC was a bit shocked at the rude quip and shrunk away slightly. Sure, Justin had spoke similarly to him weeks before, but now, it was different, and JC didn’t appreciate the venom in that tone.

“Fine.” he gritted his teeth as he slithered from the bed and went to the bathroom, making sure to slam the door.

Justin rolled over once the shower started and rubbed his eyes. He hated himself. He hated that he had told JC about Shane, he hated JC for asking, he hated Shane for being an asshole and he hated himself for feeling the same way about JC.

“Justin!!”

Slim turned around, twisting the toothpick between his teeth as the blonde man came their way, wrapped in a big down jacket.

“Ey.” Justin said softly and Slim nodded him over to the empty seat on the steps.

“Hey, what’s wrong white boy?” he asked and Justin shrugged, his face still tight with a frown.

“I don’t know, I just been... been thinking, and I’m confused where I fit these days.” He mumbled towards the ground, knowing it was hard to hide stuff with such close people.

Slim threw Marcelle a raised eyebrow before turning back to Justin who was slumping into his jacket.

“Boy, the only place for you is here, with your family. We care about you, not girlfriends or cops or anyone else who claims to have your back. We got you, kid. We love you, 118 is all you need.” He wrapped an arm around Justin and pulled him close, patting the intricate designs of Justin’s hair before pushing the younger man away with a grin. “Now, come on. Let’s go get into somethin’. We missed you, J.”

Justin attempted to smile and nodded, standing from the steps, walking along the familiar streets of his block.

Justin had left with a scowl that morning before JC could ask what was wrong and JC, who was brooding while getting dressed, cursed the blonde. Though he was supposed to be going into work, he had found it a little hard as of late. He had enough to deal with; he’d be ok.

That brought him back to Justin. This was their first fight? But what was it about?

“Whatever.” he grunted as he sat down on his couch, kicking at the coffee table when he realized he wouldn’t be getting much done without Justin there.

It was a habit to see him around the apartment. They couldn’t go out together, never been seen with each other, so they usually resigned to the house where it was secret and nice.

Now, when JC couldn’t look over to the couch and see Justin lounging around in practically nothing, it gave the brunette chills. It seemed unnatural almost, and that was a bit scary.

“Dammit!” Knowing he wasn’t getting anywhere, JC grabbed his keys, his fingers deftly dialing up Joe’s cell phone, hoping they could do something, anything, to get his mind off of Justin.

“So, what’s up with that cop?” Marcelle asked as Justin stuffed his gun in the back of his pants.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” the dark man raised an eyebrow.

Justin cursed as he looked up, straight into the knowing eyes of Marcelle. “Dammit, he just. Ya know, he offered me a place to stay. You saw it. It was nice as shit, so I just prolonged my stay.”

Marcelle bent down to tie his shoe and shook his head. “Since when you use words like ‘prolonged’?”

Justin frowned and shrugged his shoulders. Marcelle bit the inside of his cheek as he regarded his friend. This wasn’t the Justin from before, and this certainly wasn’t the Justin from the block. This was a new one, one who acted like a cranky old man.

“What's really goin’ on?” Marcelle whispered and leaned close, making sure to watch his friend.

Justin closed his eyes and took a shuddery breath. “I just, I mean.” He looked up. “You know when you found somethin’ right? And you know it’s right, but you goin’ against all odds to have it?”

Marcelle nodded but kept quiet.

“I got that. And I’m scared. I’m scared that it’s gonna get fucked up.”

“You must love it enough, to be goin’ against peoples to have it.”

Justin blinked.

Marcelle continued to bite on his cheek, his thumb tapping against his bed. “You ain’t never scared, Justin. That’s what’s great about you, you ain’t never afraid. And now you are, and it’s of love.”

Justin shifted in his seat. Just the word “love” erupted goosebumps along his skin.

“You treat her right?”

Everything hit Justin right between the eyes and he nodded quickly, a lump in his throat. Marcelle could never understand. It was a waste to try and explain it. People didn’t get it and he’d have to do this alone, like always.

“Then what could go wrong? You love her, she loves you. Love conquers all.”

Justin managed a smile though his stomach was churning. “You tryna be sophisticated.”

Marcelle returned the gesture. “And you’re tryna be cool, usin’ big words and shit. Don’t be scared. Don’t be a pussy. Otherwise you’re gonna loose it all.”

Marcelle got up and started for the door, stopping only to nod the young man over.

“What?”

“We’re going to Saff’s to meet Slim. Then we’re goin’ to start some trouble.” The young man cocked his gun, grinning, and Justin returned the smile. It could mean only one thing.

Justin reached over and looked through a drawer, taking a little revolver and stuffing it in his sock.

“Just in case.” he said, and for now, all was forgotten, except that this was his block and he was here to do what he needed to do.

“Oh, so now you visit your friends. When your boy suddenly isn’t infatuated with you.” Joey drawled and JC smiled.

“I love you, Joe. You’re so immature it makes me smile.” He gave an extra cheesy smile and Joey rolled his eyes, but a hint of a grin lingered as he made drinks for JC.

“So, why are you here?”

JC blushed. “Justin’s being an ass.”

“Ha! I knew it.” He handed JC a glass of wine, taking a sip of a beer. “Seriously, this cat isn’t good for you.”

JC, who had heard this all before, nodded. “Ok.”

“Ok? Josh, he doesn’t know how to be good to you. You need someone who is going to care for you-”

“He cares for me plenty, thank you.”

Joey threw out his hands. “How can he care for you? He’s from the streets! All they care about is themselves-”

“Fuck, Joe! You’d think I’d learn that I couldn’t talk to you with out this coming up! And I would have thought you’d get it through your head that no matter what anyone says, I love him and nothing is going to change that. Just because you may have different opinions on who he is and how he acts doesn’t mean shit to me because I know him and I know how he acts! Please, can we just brush aside me and Justin for a second so that we can just relax, as friends?”

Joey sat visibly stunned, JC panting into his glass. Downing the glass in one gulp, he sat back and took deep breaths. Then he caught his mistake.

“Shit.” He sat straight up, turning wide eyes to Joey who simply nodded.

“You said love.”

“I know.”

“Love?”

JC took a breath and shook his head, falling to lie on the couch. “Yes.”

Part 22 Tricky Index