Wanna get the public into golf?

All right, I enjoy going to golf tournaments, but I know many of my colleagues in yer so-called ''Generation X'' (this always reminds me of a Matthew Broderick movie title, BTW) simply cannot get into the sport. To keep the sport vital, we need to continue to increase spectator support. Here's my top ten ways:

10) On ''secret hole,'' players use tree branch instead of clubs; on ''mystery hole,'' they must use hockey stick

9) Bodychecking and poke checking allowed

8) PA Announcers at each hole--height, college, shots back, and greens in regulation are staples of each announcement (NOTE--This could necessitate uniform numbers--not a bad thing)

7) Windmills on the greens

6) Gallery keeps balls hit out of bounds

5) Gallery hums ''aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!,'' like at football game kickoffs, before tee shots.

4) Hecklers (''Stop reading the breaks! You have no chance! Miss the putt, so you can miss the cut and go home!'') allowed.

3) Caddies allowed three ''dastardly deeds'' per round--i.e., throwing opponents' sand wedges into lakes, jangling change next to opponents, replacing opponents' balls with novelty exploding ''powder balls.''

2) Rock music and cheerleaders--until, just as golfer is about to tee off, the music suddenly segues to the intro to Revolution by the Beatles. Yup, just as he swings...''AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!''

1) Already sitting over par in greenside bunker? TOSS IT ON!

Michael Fornabaio---mef17@oocities.com
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