Commentators

	Hugh and Stephen are two rather doddery old 
	commentators.


Stephen		As we look down now, on this glorious July
		afternoon ... what a splendid slight it is, Peter.

Hugh		It's an absolute picture, isn't it? The sun beating
		down ...

Stephen		Beautiful day ...

Hugh		The crowds ... not a seat to be had anywhere ...

Stephen		Packed house ...

Hugh		Absolutely packed ... and the grass looking so
		lovely ...

Stephen		Green as anything.

Hugh		Green as you like. Absolutely as green as
		could be ...

Stephen		Grass has never looked greener ... The
		groundsman Arthur ...

Hugh		Alan.

Stephen		Is it? Alan Dixon. Alan Dixon has done a
		marvellous job ...

Hugh		Marvellous job, he really has. What a scene.

Stephen		Marvellous scene ...

Hugh		Oh I say there's a bus.

Stephen		Yes, look there's a beautiful old English ... what
		is that? Number 29?

Hugh		It's a 29 bus, yes.

Stephen		A beautiful English 29 bus, yes, what a marvellous
		scene. Grass, sun, bus, marvellous.

Hugh		Yes, that bus making its way now along the
		Garboldisham road.

Stephen		Garboldisham, beautiful village that is ...

Hugh		Absolutely delightful village ...

Stephen		Garboldisham. What a lovely name.

Hugh		Lovely name. Lovely English name.

Stephen		Hello, there are some people getting off the
		bus ...

Hugh		Look out ...

Stephen		They're off the enjoy their good old English
		strawberries and cream ...

Hugh		Oh, English, yes, watch out for those German
		strawberries ...

Stephen		Not the same ...

Hugh		Not the same thing at all ... English strawberries
		and cream ... 29 bus going down the
		Garboldisham road ...

Stephen		Grass ...

Hugh		Cream ...

	They begin to gather momentum in some sort of 
	unpleasant sexual exchange of fruity things.

Stephen		Garboldisham ...

Hugh		Crowds ...

Stephen		The South Downs ...

Hugh		Malvern hills rolling like a ...

Stephen		Motor cars ... leather gloves ...

Hugh		A quarter pound of Mrs Faversham's extra strong
		peppermints ...

Stephen		Ovaltine ...

Hugh		Wellington boots ...

Stephen		Cream ...

Hugh		Heaps of cream ... cream and lawnmowers ...

Stephen		Summer holidays in Cromer ...

Hugh		Vaulting over a stile in a country lane ...

Stephen		Catching sticklebacks in an old tin can ...

Hugh		"Honestly nanny, I never touched then ..."

Stephen		Piano lessons with Mrs Duckworth ...

Hugh		Father's hands on the steering wheel ...

Stephen		Sit up straight!

Hugh		Going faster and faster ...

Stephen		Locked in the cupboard for being rude to
		Mrs Howlett ...

Hugh		Take the Wolseley for a run ...

Stephen		England ... Elgar ... Malvern Hills.

Hugh		Bath Olivers. Play the game ... elbows off
		the table.

Stephen		Who's a brave soldier then? Nanny's hands all
		steamy and starched.

Hugh		England! England and cream ...

Stephen		Custard cream ...

Hugh		Strawberries and cream ...

Stephen		Strawberries and English cream ...

Hugh		Take the B road to Petersfield. England.

	(Shouting now)

Stephen		Creamy England!

Hugh		England!

Stephen		Cream!

Hugh		The roast cream of old England.

Stephen		Oh.

Hugh		Oh I say.

	A post-coital interlude.

Stephen		And here comes Nigel Lawson now ...

Stephen		A challenge for her? Yes I've got
		a challenge for her. Why doesn't
		she see if she can bleeding well
		BLEEP herself. For charity
		obviously.