Spies/Pigeons

	Hugh knocks and enters the spies' office. It is empty, but 
	the window is open.


Hugh		Morning Control, I was just ... oh.

	He looks round the office, disappointed. He is about to 
	leave when the phone on Control's desk starts ringing; 
	Hugh is unsure about answering it, but eventually does.

		Hello, this is the Secret Service ... No, I'm
		afraid Control's not here at the moment, who is
		this please? Oh hello Mrs Control ... No it's
		rather strange. I just popped into Control's office
		to see if he'd like a cup of coffee, because it's
		nearly eleven o'clock, and there's no one here ...
		I can't think where he can have got to. I agree
		with you, Mrs Control, that he'll probably turn up.
		Bye bye.

	He hangs up, just as Stephen enters.

Stephen		Hello Tony.

Hugh		Control, there you are. I was beginning to worry.

Stephen		Oh?

Hugh		Mrs Control has just been on the telephone,
		and between me and Mrs Control, neither of us
		seemed to know where you were.

Stephen		Ah. Well let me explain, Tony. But let me first
		ask whether you notice anything unusual about
		the office?

Hugh		Let's see. The only thing that struck me about
		it was that you weren't in it, Control. Apart from
		that ...

Stephen		What about the window, Tony?

Hugh		The window, of course! The window always used
		to be slightly further to the left!

Stephen		Not quite, Tony.

Hugh		Oh. It was a bit of a guess, actually.

Stephen		No, the window is in the same place that it's
		always been. I know we talked about moving it,
		and you very kindly looked into the feasibility of
		the whole thing, but after a while I had to make
		the difficult decision that that particular game just
		wasn't worth the candle.

Hugh		Yes, and after you'd made that decision, I
		remember you talked at some length about what
		you saw as the loneliness of command.

Stephen		That's right, Tony. No, what's unusual about the
		window is that it's open.

Hugh		You're right, Control. Is this is some way
		connected to your not having been in the office
		earlier on?

Stephen		Yes, Tony, it is. You see, I fell out of the window.

Hugh		Control, I can only say how sorry I am, and ask
		whether you were hurt in any way.

Stephen		To my surprise, Tony, I am in fact not hurt at all.

Hugh		Well that is something of a blessing anyway.

Stephen		Yes, you're right.

Hugh		Because one of the other things about being
		Control, I've always thought, is that your office is
		on the sixth floor, so that in the event of something
		like this happening, you have got slightly further
		to fall than if you were in the Record department
		which is located on the first floor of this building.

Stephen		Very similar thoughts were going through my
		mind, Tony, as I travelled towards the pavement
		with gathering speed.

Hugh		But how did this whole sorry business come about,
		Control?

Stephen		Tony, I've a confession to make. One of the things
		I like to do before you kindly bring me my
		morning coffee is feed the pigeons who perch on
		my window sill.

Hugh		Control, I can't say I'm surprised. There had been
		some rumour in the canteen to that effect.

Stephen		Well then, I'm glad to be able to silence those
		wagging tongues one way or another. I do feed the
		pigeons, and it was while I was doing this that I
		fell out of the window.

Hugh		Control, I think I can picture the scene. There you
		were, at the open window, so engrossed in what
		you were doing that you neglected not to fall out of
		the window. Am I fairly near the mark?

Stephen		Spot on, Tony.

Hugh		I thought so. And I'll tell you another thing that
		has resulted from this whole adventure.

Stephen		What's that?

Hugh		It's after 11 o'clock and you've not had your
		coffee.

Stephen		You're right. Huh. It never rains but it pours,
		eh Tony?

Hugh		Yes, Control, but quite often it rains and pours at
		the same time.

Stephen		Yes. Well on your way to the coffee-making area,
		could you ask Valerie to pop out and apologise to
		the old lady who was selling flowers outside the
		main entrance.

Hugh		I'll certainly do that, Control. Did she happen to
		be the unlucky one who broke your fall?

Stephen		No. She was fortunate in that respect, Tony.
		But she might be a little upset that her young
		grandson did.

Hugh		Fair enough, Control. Tell you what then. She
		might welcome a cup of coffee too!

Stephen		Good thinking, Tony. B-bye!

Hugh		B-bye.

Hugh		Both of them. Stark naked and
		at it like knives. BBC 1 at seven
		o'clock in the evening. It was
		disgusting. I don't know what
		that David Attenborough thinks
		he's about.