Technophobia

Stephen		Did you ... I don't know, you may have done
		... last night ... see that Horizon ... er ...
		documentary, is it? Is that what they're called?

Hugh		Horizon documentary, yes, I think so. You mean,
		on the er ...

Stephen		Television.

Hugh		Television, that's right.

Stephen		Yes, television. I think it's a ... documentary. Did
		you see it?

Hugh		No. I didn't, I'm afraid. I was out last night.

Stephen		Oh dear, you didn't record it?

Hugh		Record it?

Stephen		Yes.

Hugh		Oh I see what you mean. No, we've got one of
		those er ...

Stephen		Recording ...

Hugh		Yes, those machines that record ...

Stephen		Recording machines ...

Hugh		Is that what they're ...?

Stephen		I think so.

Hugh		Yes, well, we've got one, but I'm afraid neither of
		us knows how to use it.

Stephen		Oh how terribly amusing.

Hugh		It is, isn't it? Amusing and eccentric.

Stephen		Terribly.

Hugh		Yes I'm just hopeless with anything mechanical ...

Stephen		Oh me too. My wife gave me an electric
		toothbrush last Christmas, and I just can't work it
		out at all ...

Hugh		Oh how amusing and eccentric.

Stephen		Isn't it? Isn't it incredibly amusing and eccentric?

Hugh		I can't even work an ordinary toothbrush.

Stephen		Can't you?

Hugh		No, I keep putting the wrong end into my mouth,
		and the toothpaste up my nose ... I'm hopeless.

Stephen		Me too.

Hugh		My wife looks at me with one of those looks of
		hers that seems to say er ...

Stephen		How amusing and eccentric?

Hugh		Exactly.

Stephen		Yes, there's another one of those documentaries on
		tonight, apparently.

Hugh		Really? Oh well I might watch it, then. What time,
		do you know?

Stephen		Half past eight, I believe.

Hugh		Half past eight, yes, that's when the big hand is
		pointing ...

Stephen		Oh don't ask me. I can't deal with these
		confounded watch things ...

Hugh		No, neither can I. My daughter gave this to me,
		and I can't get the hang of it ...

Stephen		No, I'm much too amusing and eccentric to ...
		you know ...

Hugh		Me too. Far too amusing and eccentric.

Stephen		But I think it's at half past eight. It should be in
		the paper, anyway.

Hugh		Newspapers? Haha ...

Stephen		Hahaha ... me too.

Hugh		Never know which way to turn the blasted page.

Stephen		Get it upside down ...

Hugh		All over the place ...

Stephen		I always give the paper to our young son to
		read, he's the only one who can work the
		confounded thing.

Hugh		Honestly. We are amusing and eccentric aren't we?

Stephen		Yes.

	Bell rings.

Hugh		Hello!

Stephen		Best be in the House for that debate on the
		electricity privatisation.

Hugh		Absolutely.

Stephen		I suppose if I'm honest I use my
		penis as a sort of car substitute.