Spaghetti

	Hugh and Stephen in vests are sitting at a table eating 
	spaghetti, with huge napkins tied round their necks. At 
	the sink is a largish Italian mamma.


Stephen		I gotta ask you something.

Hugh		Go 'head.

Stephen		You sleepin' with my wife?

Hugh		What?

Stephen		I said are you ...

Hugh		I heard what you said.

Stephen		So, you gonna ...

Hugh		What the hell kind of a question is that?

Stephen		You gonna answer?

Hugh		Hell no.

Stephen		Hell no?

Hugh		Hell no. It's a dumb question.

Stephen		Are you sleeping with my wife is a dumb question?

Hugh		You're damn right.

Stephen		So?

Hugh		So what?

Stephen		Are you sleeping with ...

Hugh		Don't ask me that. Stop asking me that dumb
		question.

Stephen		That means yes.

Hugh		What the hell means yes? Stop asking me dumb
		questions means yes? What the hell is the matter with
		you?

Stephen		You haven't answered the question. I asked you
		a question, you haven't answered it.

Hugh		For Chrissake, I'm eatin' dinner. I'm sittin' here
		eatin' dinner, and you start with these dumb
		questions.

Stephen		If you're sleepin' with my wife ...

Hugh		What? What the hell you gonna do?

Stephen		I'll kill you.

Hugh		You'll kill me?

Stephen		Yeah.

Hugh		You'll kill your own brother?

Stephen		Yeah.

Hugh		Yeah, well relax. I ain't sleepin' with your wife.

Stephen		You prove that?

Hugh		Prove what?

Stephen		You prove you ain't sleepin' with my wife?

Hugh		How the hell'm I gonna prove that to you? Uh? What
		would be nice maybe is if you believe me. You know?
		You trust me when I tell you something, instead of
		askin' a lot of dumb questions.

Stephen		OK.

Hugh		OK what?

Stephen		I believe you.

Hugh		You believe me?

Stephen		I believe you.

Hugh		Well thank you. Can I eat my dinner now?

Stephen		Sure.

Hugh		OK.

Stephen		You sleepin' with my sister?

Hugh		What?

Stephen		Are you sleepin' with ...

Hugh		Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Stephen		What?

Hugh		You're my brother, right?

Stephen		Right.

Hugh		So your sister is my sister.

Stephen		Waddya mean?

Hugh		Waddya mean waddya mean? You're my brother and
		so your sister is also my sister, we have the same
		sister, you and me.

Stephen		So?

Hugh		So? Jesus, you're askin' me if I'm sleepin' with
		my own sister?

Stephen		Are you?

Hugh		Am I ... what the hell is the matter with you?

Stephen		Are you sleepin' with your sister?

Hugh		What the hell am I doin', bustin' my balls, sittin'
		here listenin' to this?

Stephen		You're eatin' spaghetti.

Hugh		Spaghetti bullshit.

Stephen		Bolognese.

Hugh		I come here to eat my dinner, and I'm gettin'
		all this bullshit for what?

Stephen		For ...

Hugh		You shut your mouth. All right? Just shut your
		mouth. Sleepin' with my own sister, Jesus.

Stephen		You sleepin' with my mother?

Hugh		That's it. One more word out of you ...

Stephen		And what?

Hugh		You know what. You and your dumb bullshit
		questions.

Stephen		Whose dumb bullshit questions?

Hugh		Hey, mamma. You hear him? You hear all this
		bullshit he's givin' me?

Stephen		What bullshit? I ask you a question is all.

Mamma		(English - to camera) Both my boys just adore
		New Ragazzo Sauce.

Stephen		You sleepin' with my brother?

Stephen		Allergies? Well, I'm not good on
		strawberries, come out in a bit
		of a rash. The worst one though
		is Marmite. Only got to smell the
		stuff and I start voting Conserva-
		tive.