Flying a Light Aircraft with ...

	Hugh and Stephen are standing in front of a light 
	aeroplane.


Hugh		Hello and welcome to "Flying a Light Aeroplane
		Without Having Had Any Formal Instruction
		With ...". Today I'm going to be Flying A Light
		Aeroplane Without Having Had Any Formal
		Instruction With Sir Peter Winstanton, former
		Chairman of the National Trust, and now Maitre
		De Dense at the Galliard Ballet Company. Hello
		Sir Peter.

Stephen		Good afternoon Johnny.

Hugh		Mmm. My name isn't Johnny.

Stephen		Never said it was.

Hugh		Right now, Sir Peter, you've never flown an
		aeroplane before?

Stephen		Never flown in my life, Johnny, no.

Hugh		And you've never had any lessons?

Stephen		Oh I've had lessons, maths, geography ...

Hugh		But not in flying?

Stephen		No.

Hugh		And I've never flown before. Is this something
		you've always wanted to do?

Stephen		Not particularly. So when you rang up I just
		leapt at the chance.

Hugh		Right.

	Hugh and Stephen start to climb into the aeroplane.

		Now can I begin, Sir Peter, by asking you about
		your early influences. Your parents died when you
		were very young, and you were brought up by your
		aunt in a boarding house on the South Coast.

Stephen		That's right, Johnny, yes. Did a lot of shrimping
		as a kid.

Hugh		Shrimping?

Stephen		You know, roll up your trousers, get out there with
		a net and a box of sandwiches, got to watch the tide
		though.

Hugh		Have you?

Stephen		Not now. When you're shrimping. Got to make sure
		you don't get caught out by the tide, because Johnny?

Hugh		Yes?

Stephen		It waits for no man ... hahahahaha.

	Stephen is now fiddling with the controls of the aeroplane.

		Now what do we do here?

Hugh		I'm afraid I haven't the faintest idea.

Stephen		Oh well, let's see.

	Pushes and pulls at various levers.

Hugh		So yours must have been rather a lonely upbringing.

Stephen		Oh good heavens no.

Hugh		Good heavens no?

Stephen		Good heavens no. Very happy time. Got to know
		lots of people. It was a brothel, you see.

Hugh		What was?

Stephen		The boarding house that my aunt ran was, in
		fact, a brothel.

Hugh		Really?

Stephen		Lots of people coming in and out all hours
		of the day and night. It really was ...

	The engine suddenly fires and the propellor turns.

		Hello. That was a bit of luck.

Hugh		Well done.

Stephen		Ha. Something had to happen eventually.

Hugh		But presumably you can't have got to know many
		people of your own age through the brothel?

Stephen		Well no, but I became very friendly with members
		of the local council. The deputy chairman taught
		me to play bridge, as a matter of fact. He was a
		county player himself, and a marvellous teacher.

	He lets the brakes off and the aeroplane trundles forwards.

		Huh. Look out. Seems like we're off.

Hugh		I really am very impressed by the way you're
		managing. Were you mechanically minded as a child?

Stephen		Good God no. Couldn't open a tin of beans
		without an instruction book.

Hugh		(Shouting back to camera) Next week, I shall be in
		an Intensive Care Unit With ... Peter Trenton, star
		of Home And Away. B'bye.

Hugh		Well they said Enoch Powell was
		mad, of course ... Oh look,
		there's John the Baptist floating
		upside down past Dewhurst's.