Author’s notes and warnings:  Happy New Year!!!!  Thank you everyone for your support!  I’m sorry if many of you thought Chichiri was a jerk… I DID warn you… But then you’ll like the fluff in this chapter… ~.~ 

Introducing 2 new bishounens from Weiss…Youji and Omi were a little miffed that I invited Ran and Ken over and forgot them.  So, here they are! I don’t own them either, poor me!!!!

Super Duper Thankie to Hitari-chan for her beta work!  Without her, this fic may not make as much sense as it does, ne?

Bows to my reviewers:

Xellas M.: (((Hugs))) Thank you!  I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate your friendship. ~.~ Thankie, Thankie, Thankie!!!

Kawaii: Thanks for your comments!  Hentai’s good, ne?  Gives us creative juices to work with… and I would never have thought of the shower scene had it not been for you!  ~.~

TigerBlak: Aiya! A flamethrower? *beating the flames in her hair* Wakatta, wakatta, here’s the next chapter, no da.  I’m afraid I can’t produce two chapters…it would take too long and you would have to wait a bit more to read them…

Hitari-chan: As much as I am an Arwen/Aragorn fan, I wouldn’t mind reading an Aragorn/Legolas slash if you were to write it… (hint, hint)

Eeyaatoe: That WAS evil of me, gomen.  I think you’ll like how this chapter will turn out, no da.  Thanks for your review!

Sakata: Pedro, huh?  I’m not familiar with Exel Saga but I’ll sure look him up!  There’s something yummy about Spanish men…  Arigatou, no da!!!

Shadow Priestess: Thank you for your comments!  I’m glad you liked even though I made Chichiri-sama so mean.  He’ll be all nice soon. Promise!

Tricia: LOL…um, yeah…I fanned myself while writing too!  Arigatou, no da!!!

Midori Himura: *nods head understandingly*  Yep, SOME men can be jerks, ne?  The rest are just clueless. *ducks from flying objects thrown by male readers*  Um…ARE there any male readers?

M-chan: Gomen, gomen, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about being Youji/Aya fan!  Personally, I think Youji and Ran make one HOT couple.  They exude sexuality like you wouldn’t believe…but I can’t feel a relationship there.  I’m a total sap and I think that R/K and Y/O mesh well together… but that’s just me.  Please don’t run away!

Bitter silence: Welcome!  Thank you so much for your nice, kind words!!! I’m afraid I’m not familiar with the song you mentioned but good luck in your search!  I do like the duet between Hikitsu and Tomite…such beautiful thoughts, makes me want to write a fic for them!

IcaBob: Lol, thank you very much!  Here’s more for your reading enjoyment!

Donhisiewen: Arigatou, no da!!!

Kaoru: *nods agreeably*  Poor Tasuki!  But one thing I love about the bandit; he bounces back real well!  Thanks for reviewing!

Asmilingfool: Heh, heh, heh, for those that follows my fics, this is cruel but hardly unusual punishment.  Gomen, but I do have a tendency to torture our bishounens…this way when they make up, it’s so darn good!  Thank you for your review!

Well, here is the story…enjoy and please let me know what you think!  Eiri and Chichiri was especially hard to write…

Disclaimer: Don’t own them.  I hate to write this, it’s almost like I’m insulting your intelligence or something!  Like you didn’t know…

Songs Of The Heart - Chapter 8: The Acceptance

By Moonraven


”I don’t want to!” Tasuki brushed his friend’s hand off his shoulder. “I just don’t feel like it, okay Nuri?” Going to a club with his energetic friend was definitely not what he needed.

“No, it’s not okay!” Nuriko stood with his hands on his hips, glaring at the redhead. “You’ve been moping around here for the past two weeks. You practiced half-heartedly, you can’t or WON’T finish your songs, you look like you’d rather be impersonating a zombie, and you won’t talk to Chichiri let alone be caught dead in the same room with him. What the hell happened? You are driving the rest of us nuts and worse of all; you won’t talk to me!!! Tasuki, you’re my friend. I don’t want to see you like this!”

“It’s not my fucking fault! HE’S the one who won’t talk to me. It’s not ME!” Tasuki shouted in frustration.

Nuriko took a step back in alarm. He’d never seen Tasuki this worked up about anyone.

“Tasuki…”

Tasuki looked at his childhood friend guiltily. Nuriko didn’t deserve this…no wait, of course he did! He was the one that told Tasuki to follow his heart! He was the one that urged the redhead to ‘explore’ his feelings! Look where THAT had gotten him! This, Tasuki reasoned, was ALL Nuriko’s fault.

“I did what you suggested.” Tasuki said miserably. “And he fucking threw it back in my face.” He muttered as he sat heavily on the chair.

Nuriko came and knelt beside him and put his arm around Tasuki. “I’m so sorry, Tas-chan, what happened?”

Tasuki put his head in his hands, elbows resting on his thighs. “I told him I love him and he said I was just a good fuck. Imagine that! HE told ME that! I was just a good lay… AGH!!” He got up abruptly, knocking the startled Nuriko gracelessly on his butt. “I said I love him! I just wanted to be with him. He’s the one who doesn’t wanna see me.” He turned desolately to Nuriko and found his friend wincing on the ground.

“Er…Gomen.” Tasuki offered his disgruntled friend a hand while he ran his other hand through his fiery hair in frustration. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I should never have listened to you.” He grumbled as Nuriko pulled himself up.

Nuriko brushed the seat of his pants absently as he frowned unhappily at his friend. “I’m sorry, Tasuki. I can’t believe he said that to you.” Then his eyes flew open wide. “Whoa…that would mean…you…”

“Fuck him, Nuri. I need a drink.” Tasuki growled and stalked towards the door. “Are you coming or not?” He asked over his shoulder.

“Matte, matte, Tasuki!” Nuriko ran after his friend and grabbed Tasuki’s arm. He whirled the redhead to face him as he stared at the taller man, eyes wide. “You…did?”

“I don’t want to TALK about it, Nuri, I want to FORGET about it.” Tasuki shook his arm free. “Are we going to the club or not?” Maybe he could forget Chichiri there.

Nuriko sighed, his face filled with concern. “Yeah, if you’re sure you want to go.”

“They got drinks, right?”

“Yeah, they got drinks!”

“Music?”

“Hello! It’s a dance club!”

“Girls?”

“Er…well, yeah…sure.”

Tasuki paused as he opened the door. “Whadda ya mean ‘er…well…yeah…sure’?”

“They got…girls…” Nuriko shrugged and tucked on the redhead’s sleeve as he walked pass him.

“NORMAL girls.” Tasuki peered at his friend, completely oblivious to the fact that they were now half in the hallway.

“All girls are…normal, Tas-chan. They ALL appreciate your charms.” Nuriko said encouragingly since the redhead had stopped moving. “But why limit your options to only women? Don’t you find SOME men attractive? Maybe you’ll find someone hotter than Chichi…ri---” Nuriko swallowed the rest of his sentence and gulped audibly as he looked pass Tasuki’s shoulders.

“I don’t want to think about men, especially him!” Tasuki growled. “I’m sure there are hundreds of guys who are better looking and with better personalities to boost. I want a girl! Things were so much simpler when there were only girls.” Tasuki frowned at his friend whose face was displaying various shades of green. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Nuriko stared at him fixedly and cocked his head slightly, motioning for Tasuki to look behind him. The redhead turned around impatiently; ready to give a piece of his mind to whoever dared to interrupt them.

But as Tasuki found out all too often recently, what he intended and what he actually did was a totally different matter.

A few feet away, looking at them with a frown was Chichiri. Surprise, surprise. Tasuki sighed in resignation. Why did things like this always happen to him?

“Um…you know, I think I hear Hotohori calling me.” Nuriko blurted out as he made for the other direction.

“Yo! You said he was in Osaka!” Tasuki tried to grab his friend but Nuriko had already sprinted down the hall. Tasuki turned back to the solemn man and squared his shoulders. What could Chichiri possibly say to him that would make him feel any worse?

The two men studied each other silently across the short distance that separated them. Chichiri was the first to break the silence as he handed Tasuki the papers he was holding.

“This song needs rewriting.” He said quietly. He didn’t meet Tasuki’s eyes but stared at the pages with some perplexity.

“What’s wrong with it?” Tasuki asked in annoyance, refusing to take the papers. He hated consulting Chichiri about his songs but he had promised Hotohori and Tohma that he would. His songs were his own; they were from his heart, his very being. No one should edit them. Especially the song Chichiri was holding; Tasuki had written it specifically for the man in front of him.

“It’s too…emotional.” Chichiri said.

“I want it like that. I’m an emotional guy.” Tasuki’s voice lost the hard edge as he watched Chichiri struggle with his own feelings.

“I’m not.” Chichiri said softly and looked up into Tasuki’s eyes. “I can’t.” Somehow Tasuki knew they were no longer talking about his song. He saw conflicting emotions flash across Chichiri’s face before the mask of indifference was in place again. What was Chichiri so afraid of?

“You can’t…or you won’t?” Tasuki asked as he closed the gap between them. Chichiri didn’t move back but the mask wavered briefly.

“Does it matter?” Chichiri shrugged carelessly.

Fuck this, Tasuki thought before he pulled the other man into the recording room and closed the door.

“Hell yes it matters.” Tasuki had Chichiri’s back against the closed door with the redhead leaning close. “I want this, Chiri. I want it like nothing in my entire life. I know you feel it too, I saw it in you.” He cupped Chichiri’s cheek gently. “Let me in, Chiri, please.”

Chichiri leaned in and kissed Tasuki’s lips gently. He sighed as the younger man deepened the kiss and responded with feelings he feared to voice. Before he could get lost in the pleasures of Tasuki’s arms, Chichiri pushed the younger man away. He shook his head ruefully as he moved away so he could open the door. As he stepped through the doorway, he turned and looked at the redhead.

“I can’t. Not just yet.” Chichiri said softly.

“What are you afraid of?” Tasuki asked.

Chichiri didn’t answer but looked down at the papers still clutched in his hand then back up at Tasuki. “Do you mean it? What you wrote?”

“Every word.” Tasuki said with conviction. That song contained his very soul.

Chichiri nodded and turned to go.

“You didn’t answer me, Chiri. What are you afraid of?” Tasuki insisted.

Chichiri paused as he stepped into the hall. He didn’t turn around but replied softly, as if to himself. “You.” And he was gone.

Tasuki stared at the closed door in surprise. Chichiri was afraid of him? Why? He rushed after the inscrutable man but found the hallway empty?

Now where the hell did he go?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tasuki swallowed nervously as he looked around the ‘Dragon’, Nuriko’s latest favorite club. Shinjuku Ni-Chome section of Tokyo was infamous but Tasuki had never had the desire to see it for himself. Being gay had never crossed his mind and when he went clubbing with Nuriko, they had gone to ‘regular’ clubs.

“Stop looking so tense, Tasuki!” Nuriko scolded. “It’s just another club.”

“We’re in the Ni-Chome area.” Tasuki stated.

Nuriko paused scanning the crowd and looked at his friend. “Good observation, Tas-chan.” The braided boy went back to searching the crowded room. “He’s here somewhere…” He muttered to himself.

“Why can’t we meet this…Omi somewhere else?” Tasuki asked as he avoided an interested gaze from a blond at the next table.

Again Nuriko turned his attention to his friend. “Because I love this place, and I want you to enjoy it too! The music is better than ‘Yellow’ and the men here are to die for!” He winked at Tasuki. “Besides, Omi-chan wants to introduce me to his long time love interest, who is totally clueless! And he has something very interesting to tell me about some things I asked him to check out for me.”

“Does Hotohori know where you are when he’s not here?” Tasuki asked.

“No.” Nuriko’s answer was short and he didn’t offer more explanations.

Tasuki sighed. “It’s not his fault, Nuri. It’s his father after all.” Nuriko had been less than his usual chirpy self since Hotohori received a message from his father to return home. He was even more melancholic when Hotohori actually left that morning.

“But we know why Umemoto-san wanted Hotohori, don’t we?” Nuriko said bitterly. Then he shook his head dismissively and turned a cheerful smile to his friend. “Maa, Tasuki-chan. I should be used to this unrequited love thing by now, huh? You would think that after 14 years of thinking that I can’t have him, now would be no different.” The slender braided young man stared down into his glass resignedly.

“Don’t say that.” Tasuki whacked him playfully on the head. “He could be going there to tell his dad off. Trust him, will ya?”

Nuriko looked at Tasuki with large teary eyes as he wrung woefully on his napkin. “You really think so? You don’t think I should worry about the ‘drop-the-fag-or-I’ll-disinherit-you’ thing?”

Tasuki was sure the old man didn’t put it quite like that but it was to the same effect. The sole heir to the corporate giant was told to produce an heir or else. Tasuki was pretty sure that if disinheritance didn’t work, Hotohori’s father wouldn’t think twice about less scrupulous means. But he would never tell Nuriko that.

“Even if he hadn’t confessed his love for you, he wouldn’t desert you. He values your friendship too much. Trust him, Nuriko.” He took his small friend’s hand and squeezed it gently. “He’s a better man than that.”

Nuriko broke into an uncontrollable sob. “I’m not worthy of him!” He wailed between sobs. “I have no faith in him, I’m pathetic!”

Tasuki cringed and looked around them nervously as people stopped to stare at them. He smiled at the curious crowd and pointed to Nuriko’s glass and shrugged. “Too much of that…green stuff.” He patted Nuriko’s back clumsily. “No more drinks for you, Nuriko-chan.”

The curious stares turned sympathetic and, after nods and various agreements, they were back to being unnoticed again.

“Hey, cut it out will ya? People are gonna think I’m abusing you or something.” Tasuki said.

“Nuriko-kun!” A bright cheerful voice called from the dance floor and Nuriko looked up sharply, wiping at this face.

“Nuriko-kun!”

Tasuki and Nuriko peered through the crowd searching for the owner of the voice then Nuriko brightened visibly.

“Omi-chan!” He waved enthusiastically. Tasuki saw a young man wave back as he maneuvered towards them. He was medium height with short light brown hair, almost dark blond. He wore bright orange shorts with a black sleeveless crop top that left most of his midriff exposed. He looked much too young to be in a place like this let alone wear something like THAT.

Omi reached them with an exhausted puff of air as he slumped down in the chair next to Nuriko. They embraced briefly before Nuriko turned to Tasuki.

“Tasuki, this is my friend, Omi, the best hacker in the world. Omi, Tasuki.” Tasuki nodded across the table and Omi beamed at him. Very friendly guy, thought the redhead.

“Anou, not too loud, Nuriko-kun.” He laughed modestly. “So nice to meet you, Tasuki-san.”

“No, just Tasuki.” Tasuki groaned at the honorific and Omi smiled some more.

”So, Omi-chan, where IS he?” Nuriko looked around them curiously.

Omi colored brightly, bad enough that Tasuki could see it in the poor light. “Anou, I lost him somewhere after he threw a guy out the back door.” He dropped his head in shame.

Nuriko’s eyes widened with disbelief. “What?”

Omi looked up and rolled his eyes. “He’s worse than Aya-kun! He thinks that every guy is a pedophile and out to get me! Nuriko-kun, I’m 19 years old. And not everyone here is interested in me!”

Nuriko laughed. “So he’s jealous?”

“No, just overprotective!”

Tasuki waved down a waitress as they continued to chat excitedly. He ordered another round of drinks and as he turned back to his friends, a flash of something blue from a corner of the bar caught his attention. He turned sharply back and found the source immediately. It was long blue hair. It was light blue…cerulean blue…it was the strangest shade of blue Tasuki had ever seen. And yet it was the most familiar thing at the same time. An intense sense of nostalgia hit him like a physical blow and Tasuki gripped the table hard as he tried to catch his breath.

Pale skin accentuated the surreal quality of the hair and Tasuki found himself drawn irresistibly towards the dark eyes partially covered by the delicate bang. They glinted with mild amusement as the man smiled seductively at Tasuki. The redhead could do nothing but stare back. His breath hitched in his throat and he actually wanted to smile back. What was this strange yearning he felt deep in his chest? He couldn’t quite understand it since he had only felt that when he was with Chichiri. Why was he feeling this with a complete stranger?

But Chichiri was a stranger too when Tasuki’s heart had first hopped out of his chest. Didn’t he love Chichiri? Was he really this fickle with men as well?

“Ne, Tasuki!” Tasuki was brought back to the present when Nuriko nudged him none too gently. “Pay attention!” He turned and blinked uncomprehendingly at his braided friend and Nuriko rolled his eyes. “We’re digging into Chichiri’s shell for you and you spaced out?”

“What about Chiri?” Tasuki frowned at Nuriko.

Nuriko sighed. “Pay attention!” He said again. “Omi here found out that the Sunrise orphanage and the Starlight School was founded by none other than Chichiri. All records and activities are buried so deep that it took Omi nearly a week to find out.”

Tasuki looked from Nuriko to Omi in confusion. “Why are you doing this?”

“You said you wanted to know more about him, Tas-chan!” Nuriko said in exasperation. “When you told me about his excursions the other day, I was curious. Isn’t he great? All that money he made and most of it goes to running the two organizations. You know how much money it takes to run something like that? Oh my gods, he’s my new hero!”

“Who wants to remain anonymous.” Omi told Nuriko with a meaningful look.

“I know, I know, Omi-chan. I won’t advertise it but it does tell us that Tasuki’s love interest is a very good man.” Nuriko wiggled happily in his seat while he purposely ignored the sputtering redhead.

“If I had known you were investigating Ri-san, I might not have helped.” Omi said uncomfortably. “He obviously went to a lot of trouble to keep this quiet. He had gone through so much.” Omi looked so unhappy that Nuriko gave him a big hug.

“We’ll never hurt him, Omi-chan. Tasuki would rather die first. Ne, Tasuki?” Nuriko winked at the fuming Tasuki.

“OMI!” A lanky blond came to stand next to Omi and glared down at Nuriko who still had his arms around the youngster. “I’ve looked everywhere for you!”

Tasuki looked up and found piercing green eyes regarding them suspiciously over a pair of sunglasses.

“Youji-kun, these are my friends. This is Nuriko and this is Tasuki. Guys, this is Youji, we…er…work together.”

“Youji!” Nuriko got up and hugged the surprised man. “I’ve heard so much about you! Won’t you join us?”

“Omi?” Youji disengaged himself uncertainly.

“C’mon Youji-kun.” Omi patted the chair next to him. “They really ARE my friends, and they’re NOT pedophiles.” He smiled happily at Youji.

“…” Youji reluctantly allowed the young man to pull him into the chair. He glanced uneasily at Nuriko who continued to smile and blink innocently at him.

“Enjoying yourself?” Nuriko asked the tall blond.

“No.” Youji said without hesitation.

“Why don’t you guys go dance?” Nuriko suggested as he looked from Youji to Omi.

“Dance? With Omi?” Youji asked and looked at the blushing youngster. “No, no…no…Omitchi and I are NOT like that.” Although Youji wasn’t sure why the thought of dancing with Omi was quite appealing.

“Well, I know some perverted looking guy who’s been bugging Omi for a dance…” Nuriko trailed off looking around the room with apparent trepidation.

Youji frowned, Tasuki rolled his eyes and Omi groaned.

Before any of them could say anything else, the man with strange blue hair appeared at Omi’s elbow. He was dressed in a cream colored shirt and black pants that fit his lean form perfectly. Tasuki swallowed and resisted the urge to stare at the man.

“Excuse me.” The stranger said loud enough to make Omi jump. The others turned towards him and before he could continue, Youji jumped up and grabbed Omi.

“NO. He’s dancing with me.” Youji pulled Omi towards him and the younger man stumbled on the chair leg and crashed into the blond. Face flushed but quite contented, Omi remained still with his face pressed against Youji’s chest.

The man with the blue hair stared blankly at the pair and nodded. “Okay.” His voice was deep yet soft. It sent shivers down the redhead’s spine and Tasuki found he couldn’t tear his eyes from the man.

Youji nodded and pulled Omi onto the dance floor. Omi looked up briefly and smiled at Nuriko who gave him a cheerful two thumbs up.

“Sorry, guy. The boy’s taken.” Nuriko smiled apologetically at the stranger.

“That’s okay, I was actually interested in this one.” He pointed to Tasuki who promptly choked on his beer.

“NaNI?!?” Tasuki squeaked, putting down his drink.

“I was wondering if YOU would like to dance.” The man asked while smiling openly at Tasuki’s surprise.

“Wai!” Nuriko squealed. “Of course he would!” He practically pushed the speechless Tasuki towards the stranger and moved from the table. “You know, I think I hear Hotohori calling me again.” He said over his shoulder and he waved cheerily at them.

Tasuki stared after his friend in horror. He didn’t want to be alone with the man. Every time he looked into those mahogany eyes, he felt like he would get lost and never be found.

Yet he wasn’t sure he wanted to be found.

The stranger laughed softly at his expression and extended his hand. “Maybe we should introduce ourselves first? I’m Zanshi.”

Tasuki took the extended hand hesitantly. “Zanshi…as in ‘death’?” Why the hell would anyone name their kid that?

‘Zanshi’ chuckled. “My parents had strange sense of humor. I’m sure your name is not as morbid?”

Tasuki shook his head. “Tasuki.”

“The constellation. I like that very much.” Zanshi still had a firm grip on Tasuki’s hand and the redhead felt heat rising to his cheeks.

Tasuki laughed nervously and pulled his hand free. “Yeah, well…must be hard making friends, huh?”

Zanshi laughed again. “Surprisingly, no. A lot of people are actually very nice.” He leaned in very close and spoke into Tasuki’s ear. “Between you and me, I think they felt sorry for me.”

Tasuki shivered and closed his eyes when he caught the man’s scent. Chichiri… He shook his head almost violently as images of Chichiri came unbidden to his mind.  Chichiri with his soft brown bangs and cold, hard eyes… It’s your imagination, he scolded himself. You’re just way too obsessed with the man.

“You okay?” Zanshi asked.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Tasuki reassured him then looked out onto the dance floor. “You really want to dance?”

“Not really. I just wanted to meet you.” Zanshi said with an apologetic smile. “I’m actually a very bad dancer. But I could try if you want to dance. That is, if you don’t mind stubbed toes.”

Tasuki studied the man a few moments before he shook his head. “I didn’t feel like dancing anyway. It was your idea to begin with.” He pointed out.

“True. Would you mind very much if we just sit and talk?” Zanshi pulled out the chair for Tasuki.

They sat and Tasuki fidgeted with his beer, not sure of what to say. When he noticed that Zanshi did not have a drink he waved over the waitress.

“Just water, please.” Zanshi told the girl and Tasuki quirked an eyebrow at him. “I don’t like what alcohol do to people. Well some people anyways.” He added when he realized he might offend the beer drinker.

“You mean getting drunk?” Tasuki teased. He was surprised to find that he was actually enjoying the man’s company.

Zanshi hesitated as he thought about what Tasuki said. “Yes, in effect, I suppose. Losing control of one’s faculty is not my idea of fun.”

“Ah! Control issues. I know someone like that but you’re not nearly as uptight.” Tasuki bit his lips when he realized that he was thinking about Chichiri again.

“Is he close to you?” Zanshi asked softly, eyes glinting curiously.

“Um…not…really.” Tasuki frowned as he thought about why that was. “He won’t let me.”

Zanshi nodded knowingly. “I know someone like that too. He’s just afraid.”

‘What are you afraid of, Chiri?’

Tasuki looked sharply at Zanshi. “What makes you say that?”

Zanshi shrugged. “He told me.”

‘You…’

Tasuki shook his head to clear the image of his last conversation with Chichiri. “I don’t believe it. It can’t be me.”

“Excuse me?” Zanshi asked, confused.

Tasuki groaned when he realized that he was talking to himself and the other man had no idea what he was talking about.

“Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“About him?” Zanshi asked quietly. “He doesn’t seem to make you happy, he doesn’t deserve you.”

Tasuki shook his head vehemently. “You don’t know him. He’d…suffered. He needs time. He needs me.” Tasuki whispered the last sentence as if to himself.

“What about you?” Zanshi asked as he leaned closer to Tasuki. “What do YOU need?”

Tasuki gasped as Zanshi’s lips brushed his ear. Unconsciously he leaned into the other man and closed his eyes. This feeling…it was so familiar…

Zanshi took Tasuki’s earlobe between his teeth and suckled gently. “Forget him.” Zanshi urged as he slowly trailed his lips across Tasuki’s cheek. He paused as his lips came to rest softly against Tasuki’s. “I can give you everything you need. Forget him.”

Tasuki couldn’t move. His heart hammered violently in his chest as Zanshi pulled him closer and devoured his mouth. The man drove his tongue between Tasuki’s eager lips and caressed the inside of his mouth urgently. Tasuki moaned and shifted in his seat, trying to get even closer. His head screamed at him to stop but his body didn’t listen. It wanted more of this man, of this feeling. This feeling…

He felt loved. Why? Why couldn’t he feel this when he was with Chichiri?

Chichiri…

Tasuki pulled away in shock. He had promised to wait for Chichiri and here he was practically in another man’s lap. What the hell kind of a slut was he?

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Tasuki moved his chair farther away from Zanshi and grabbed his beer.

“Can’t or won’t?” Zanshi asked softly.

Tasuki looked sharply at Zanshi and found the man studying him intently. The conversation was reminding him more and more of what transpired between him and Chichiri earlier. Tasuki almost repeated what Chichiri had said but thought better of it. It did matter.

“I won’t.” Tasuki said. “I really want to. I’ve only felt this…need, this feeling with one other man and he needs me to stick by him. He may not be ready yet, but I told him I’d wait.”

“Did you mean it?”

“WHAT?” Tasuki nearly jumped out of the chair. THIS was getting freaky. ‘Do you mean it? What you wrote?’

“About waiting…how long will you wait?” Zanshi reached up and caressed a strand of fiery hair. “How long before you betray him as well?” The man asked softly as a cloud of sadness swept across his face.

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Tasuki pulled away again and stood up. “What do you know about us?”

Zanshi looked shaken briefly before he laughed lightly and shook his head. “I was thinking about me and my friend. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He got up and smiled at Tasuki. “If you meant what you said to him then he is very lucky indeed. It was a pleasure to meet you, Tasuki.” With that, Zanshi turned and disappeared into the crowd leaving Tasuki feeling like he had just lost his best friend.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chichiri sat silently in his room staring at the music notes and lyrics in his hand. Could he believe Tasuki? The song promised so much but dare he hope? Would Tasuki be there when Chichiri finally conquered his demon?

The knock on the door brought him back from his thoughts and he put the notes away in his desk. Eiri. Chichiri frowned as he walked towards the door. What was Eiri doing here so late?

Eiri Yuki stood in front of the door with a cardboard box in his hand. Chichiri blinked at his blond friend and couldn’t help teasing him.

“Shuuichi kicked you out?” A small smile played at the corner of Chichiri lips as Eiri rolled his eyes.

“As if he could.” The blond said in his usual hard tone. “These are yours.” He added quietly.

Chichiri frowned and moved aside for his friend to enter. He closed the door behind them and moved after Eiri as the man walked into his bedroom. Eiri put the box down on the small table in the corner of the room and turned towards his friend.

“Ryuuichi wanted me to throw them away years ago but I couldn’t.” Eiri’s voice was shaking slightly and he shoved his hands in his pants pocket before they too begin to shake. “I just…couldn’t.”

Chichiri looked at his friend in concern. “What is it?” He didn’t move any closer to the box but looked at it uneasily. What could possibly affect the unshakable Eiri Yuki?

“Houjun, do you remember when I used to come and…see you…in that place?” Eiri asked, watching his friend carefully.

Chichiri nodded, not comprehending the connection between the box and his hellish confinement.

“When you were beginning to be aware of…things, you would make me drawings and you wrote poetry…you gave them to me when I visited you. I kept all of them.” Eiri opened the box and pulled out loose sheets of paper.

Chichiri moved dazedly towards the box. Splashes of colors and designs jumped at him from the pages and he took them from Eiri numbly. The first page was filled with a drawing of a large red bird with long feathers. The next was…more birds. And so were the next few pages…

Chichiri looked up at Eiri and gave him a weak smile. “Did I have a bird fetish…or did you?”

Eiri smiled back and shrugged. “You did seem to like that bird but there’re others too.” He dug into the box and took out more paper. Some of these, Chichiri noted, were not drawings but writings. They seemed to be poems about pain and suffering in general which combined with someone of his background, were quite common. Some were of love and finding one’s destiny.

Chichiri looked through several more drawings and poetry when he came across a drawing of a man. The other pages he was holding fell through nerveless fingers as he stared into laughing amber eyes. The man on the paper was wearing a dark long coat and dark pants tugged into black boots. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his head cocked to one side as he smiled out of the paper. That shocking bright hair and fanged grin could only belong to one person…Tasuki.

Chichiri looked up at Eiri, shaking violently. “Is this some kind of a joke?”

Eiri narrowed his eyes briefly before he shook his head. “No. Read what you wrote under the drawing. It’s your handwriting, Houjun.”

Chichiri's eyes watered and he stared in disbelief as he read the short passage under the picture.

‘I need you, more than you'll ever know

Just the thought of the taste of your lips gives me chills

How I've longed for your gentle caress

In your arms, hold you close, one more kiss’

“I thought he looked familiar when I first saw him.” Eiri said quietly. “I didn’t make the connection until I saw the box in my closet this morning.”

Chichiri remained silent as he stared at the picture. Eiri moved closer to his friend and rested a hand on Chichiri’s shoulder. Emotional display was not his forte but this was the man who held him when he had no one, trusted no one. This was the man that risked everything to protect him when no one else would.

“Houjun.” He said softly. “I know I write all that romantic crap and I don’t believe a word of it. At least I didn’t. Not until that crazy brat came into my life. I don’t know if Tasuki is YOUR crazy brat but clearly he is…someone.” He gripped the older man’s shoulder tightly. “I’m the last person to tell you to let down your defenses, Houjun, but…I think this is way bigger than that.”

Chichiri reached up and clasped Eiri’s hand on his shoulder as he looked up and gave his friend a smile. “Thank you, Eiri. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I appreciated your support during that time.” He looked at the picture again and nodded as he came to a decision. “I think I will let him in, no da…” He said softly.

“You better.” Eiri threatened as he walked towards the front door. “It’s either the loudmouth redhead or I’m going to have to start looking for a very big, red bird.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The passage under the picture of Tasuki is an excerpt from Bosanova, Casanova. A Ran/Ken Duet.
Check out the translation on amimelyrics.com…so damn romantic!

How did you like Zanshi? There’re many words that means death but I like ‘Zanshi’…and I’m keeping Tasuki as the constellation.  I’m not sure how accurate that is.

Thank you for reading!