"Come on...it's fun."

"Fun?"

"You're not having fun?"

"Jack, I'm sitting here in my underwear, boonie, and socks, playing chess."

"Exactly. Fun."

"Right. Fun. I can barely contain my mirth."

"Damn, were you always this snarky?"

"I'm not sure. My life pre Stargate is a blur, but I think I was nice then. I blame you."

"You always blame me."

"It's always your fault."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Whose idea was it to play strip chess, Jack?"

"You agreed."

"Only because you got me drunk."

"Daniel, you had two beers. Anyway, if anyone should be complaining, it's me. I'm a boonie and one sock worse off than you."

"We could at least have played speed chess...this is taking forever. I'm going to go right off the boil."

"You need to learn to savor the anticipation, Daniel."

"What is this, Tantric chess?"

"Hey, I'm building the tension. It makes the eventual release so much more satisfying."

"Who told you that?"

"Experience."

"Well, go tell experience that he knows shit. I'm ready, Jack...all set to release here...your wasting a perfectly good opportunity to ravish me on the chess board."

"Damn. You don't play fair."

"I like to win."

"Tell me about it."

"Why don't I just show you instead."

"God, who knew you were such a slut."

"You complaining?"

"Never."

"Good. get over here."

"Ahh...that feels good...do it again."

"What, that?"

"Oh, yeah...here, let me..."

"Aah...no, ow, ouch...stop!"

"What, what did I do?"

"Sorry, sat on the queen."

"I have no response to that."

"Sorry. Maybe we should clear the table."

"Oh, Daniel..."

"What? What's funny?"

"Not a thing. Only that I love you."

"Oh. Okay.I love you too. You've stopped, Jack, why have you stopped? We're not done are we?"

"Not even started."

"Good. Ooh, yes, I like that...mmn..."

"Lift up a little..."

"Ahhh...oh yes..."

"Daniel, Daniel...yes, keep doing...crap! What the fuck is that?!"

"The door, someone's at the door...oh my god...Sam!"

"Sonovabitch...I forgot..."

"Forgot? You were expecting her?"

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean, 'not exactly?'"

"Well, she said she might drop off some reports over the weekend. If we keep quiet, maybe she'll go away."

"Jack, she's not leaving."

"Crap, she's at the window...hide."

"Hide where?"

"Under the table...hurry."

"You're kidding, right...I mean...it's a card table."

"We'll be okay...scrunch up."

"You're insane, the human body wasn't designed to bend that way."

"Shh...she'll hear us."

"I do not believe I'm doing this."

"Damn, Daniel, you're flexible."

"Shut up Jack."

"Right, sorry."

"What is she doing now, and who's that she's talking to?"

"Daniel, how would I know? I'm folded up under a card table with you smooshed down on top of me...pardon me if I have other things on my mind right now."

"That sounds like Janet, Jack, I think she's with Janet."

"Perfect, that's just great."

"Oh my god, did you hear that?"

"Sorry, just a little distracted here."

"Cassie's with them, Sam's sent her 'round the back to check the patio doors...you locked them, right?"

"Crap."

"Jack? You didn't lock the door?"

"I don't remember...maybe...probably...crap"

"Crap."

"Locked, yes, they're locked. See, I did lock them...I knew I did."

"Now she's looking through the window! Hasn't anyone heard of privacy?"

"Pull your foot in, she'll see it."

"Pull it in where, Jack?"

"Just in, dammit. I do not want to be caught, semi-naked, under a table, with my archaeologist, by a teenager. It's not only compromising, it's downright demeaning."

"Can't say it exactly floats my boat either, but pulling anything in at this point is not an option. There's a limit to how much of me can fit into this itty bitty little space."

"I know, sorry...didn't mean to snap"

"Wait, shh...I think they're leaving."

"Oh, thank god."

"Yes...yes, that's the car."

"Sweet. Never thought I'd say this, Daniel, get your butt off my face."

"What, oh sorry...better?"

"Much, thanks."

"So, now what?"

"Well, we could always get back to...um..."

"Sure you're not expecting the General to drop in for coffee and muffins?"

"Not fair, I wasn't expecting Sam. Come on Daniel, play nice."

"Hmmn, well I guess we could...oh, oh...oww..ouch..."

"What now?"

"Cramp, dammit. What, that's not funny...ouch. I'm in pain here...quit sniggering and help me."

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. Oh, Daniel, I really love you."

"Jack, you are such an ass. I really love you too, now start massaging...fast."

***The End***