"Uh, Ja-ack, could you come here a moment. Got bit of a problem here."

"What? Why, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt...sick?"

"No, no...nothing like that...it's just...um...that."

"What?"

"That, there. I need you to kill it so I can get out."

"You want me to kill this piece of fluff."

"Yes...what?"

"Daniel, this is a piece of fluff."

"Oh. That would be why I couldn't get it to move."

"I would think so, yes."

"I guess this look pretty stupid, doesn't it?"

"Yes, very. Daniel, have you been trapped in the bath for more than an hour by a piece of fluff?"

"I thought it was a spider. It looks like a spider."

"Daniel, it looks nothing like a spider."

"It does from here. Besides, without my glasses everything looks a bit fuzzy."

"God, this is so great, wait 'till I tell Sam and Teal'c."

"You're going to tell people about this?"

"Oh, yeah. No way am I passing up material like this, so don't even try persuading me to keep quiet. Trapped in the bath by fluff...sweet."

"I wasn't going to ask you to keep quiet."

"You weren't? You don't mind if I tell people?"

"Actually, I'm really looking forward to seeing how you explain being in my bathroom at ten o'clock on a Sunday morning."

"Sonovabitch. This is so not fair. The best Daniel story I've had in ages and I can't use it. Crap."

"Looks like you'll just have to suck up the disappointment and move on, Jack. Ah...the trials of life are never-ending."

"Go on, laugh it up, prune boy. Someday...someday."

"Right. I'm so scared."

"Speaking of which, since when have you been scared of spiders?"

"Well, you have to admit, that is a really big one."

"Daniel, it's not any kind of one."

"No, but if it was, it would be a really big one."

"Whatever. Even so, considering some of the things we've been faced with, I don't see why you would be spooked by a spider, even a really big one."

"I'm not mostly, not when I'm dressed. It's just...you know...the thought of it crawling over my naked skin..."

"Woah, keep talking like that and I'll be joining you in that bath."

"God, Jack, it doesn't take much to get your libido into action, does it?"

"Hey, you started it."

"I did not! How is saying I hate the thought of a spider crawling across my naked skin starting it?"

"Now, see, there you go again."

"Unbelievable. Pass me a towel and turn around please, I want to get out."

"Turn around? I have to turn around? Why? I can't believe you want me to turn around. I've seen your body before, lots of times."

"That was different."

"Why?"

"Because then you were naked too."

"Hey, why don't I..."

"No."

"You're no fun today."

"Jack, If you get naked too then we'll never get out of here."

"And that's a problem because?"

"It's a problem, Jack, because we have to pick Teal'c up in forty minutes. You promised him another outing, remember?"

"Damn, I forgot. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we cancelled...he could spend some quality time Kel'no'reeming."

"I'm sure he'd say he doesn't mind, but he would. The poor guy has to live in that mountain like a fucking troll. The only time he gets to leave is when we go on missions, and then we're usually being chased, shot at, or beaten to a pulp. You know as well as I do that he loves going out and experiencing earth culture. No way am I going to let him down."

"I know, I know, you're right. I was being selfish. I had no idea you felt so strongly about it though...I hardly ever hear you curse"

"I curse when I'm mad, and this makes me mad. Teal'c gave up so much to fight for us, and what does he get in return? A small room in a military complex. He isn't even allowed out unless he's with one of us. God, we have to sign him out like some piece of equipment, it's so unfair."

"Damn, you're right. I never really thought of it like that. It's not much of a life, is it?"

"He has us, Jack. You, me and Sam. We're his friends...his family."

"Yes, we are. Get yourself dressed and let's go get him. What do you think he'll want to do this time?"

"Who knows, it can't be worse than the jello wrestling. I still can't believe we did that."

"Oh, come on, don't pretend you didn't enjoy it. Besides, it was better than the Star Wars trilogy he dragged us to that time. I knew there was a reason I avoided it all those years."

"I like Star Wars. The new one's out now...we should go see it. I've heard that Yoda gets to do some sabre fighting in this one."

"I guess that could be good...then again it could look like a muppet falling down the stairs."

"Hey, don't diss the little green gnome. After all, the force is with him."

"I'm sure it is. How come we never meet aliens like that, huh? All we ever get to meet are other humans."

"What, like the Asguard, you mean?"

"Okay, I'll give you the Asguard, but apart from them..."

"The Unas."

"Well, yes, the Unas..."

"Those white, naked, flower power, people."

"Now, see, they looked human...mostly."

"Only on the outside. Inside they were completely different. The Gadmeer."

"We never actually met the Gadmeer, so you can't really count them."

"We didn't meet them because they could only exist in an atmosphere poisonous to us, which is probably why we don't meet more totally alien species."

"How so?"

"We only go to planets that support human life, not to mention planets that have a Stargate. It's hardly surprising that we mostly meet other humanoid races. And don't forget, a lot of those people were originally taken from Earth by the Goa'uld...oh,oh...the Goa'uld...how much more alien can you get than a parasitic snake."

"Okay, you win, we have come across some pretty weird aliens."

"Right, and if we don't get a move on we're going to be late picking up our very own weird alien. You never know, if you play your cards right, he might let you take a peek at his little snake. Jack...get your mind out of the gutter, you know perfectly well I was talking about junior. God, you know, your little snake is really going to get you into trouble one of these days."

"Hey, less of the little if you don't mind. Now, python maybe, or anaconda...now that's more like it."

"Unbelievable."

***The End***