The Cliche Weiss Kreuz Detective Story: Part 6

"I still do NOT see the point of this." Crawford grumbled, "I know who's going to win, anyway."

"Shut up, Crawford!" Reiji ordered, "The rest of us find the prospect of this extremely entertaining- well, except perhaps for that little blond number Schuldich dragged in, he just yells a lot- and if you reveal the outcome of the match, you WILL be feeling a golf club, and much harder than Schuldich ever did!"

"I hate my life." Yohji groaned, placing his head in his hands.

"Why?" Schuldich asked, "You're young, you're cute, you've got me-"

"That's half the problem! I don't WANT you!" Yohji wailed. He wished he had his sunglasses. He wished he had his cigarettes. He wished that he would wake up to find that this was all some horrible nightmare that Asuka would laugh at when he told her about it. He *really* wished that he was anywhere but here. Even to the extent of being with Aya and that damned katana.

"Shut up, both of you!" Hirofumi leaned over and hissed, "Masafumi and his women are here- apparently, they came to cheer Tot on in the match."

Big mistake on Hirofumi's part.

"ASUKA IS HERE?" Yohji hissed, looking around the room frantically.

"Now look what you've done!" Schuldich accused Hirofumi, tightening his grip on his 'girlfriend'.

"Who let the prisoner come up here?" Crawford sounded beyond annoyed as he caught sight of Farfarello leading Aya to a seat in the front row of chairs.

"I did." Farfie looked speculatively from Crawford to one of his (very sharp) knives.

Crawford wisely let the matter drop.

----------

Fujimiya Ran, better known to some as Aya, was *pissed*.

He'd gotten out of the aquarium after being stuck there for a humiliating hour, and Rei had gotten WET. She could even RUST! He had gotten out his hair dryer and some towels and carefully dried off Rei before taking care of his OWN state of dampness, and as a result he was coming down with a nasty cold.

That normally wouldn't be so bad, except that Ken was away at a soccer game again and wasn't home to try and make chicken soup. Try being the key word. He would end up ruining it, and bringing Aya tea (the only thing he could really make without screwing it up) with an impossibly cute and apologetic look on his face.

Of course, with his luck, Aya was sniffling at home alone. He'd left a message on Kudou's answering machine, but he'd received no phone call as of yet. Aya briefly wondered if Yohji had gotten away from Schuldich. Not that it really mattered, except that Aya had already paid the man half of his fee, and by God, Aya wanted his sister found! If Kudou didn't call soon-

Well, speak of the devil. The phone rang.

"Hello?" Aya asked wearily, trying not to sniffle. *He* wasn't going to be weak and sniffle within anyone's hearing!

"Aya? Are you all right?" It was Ken's worried voice on the phone.

"It's just a little cold, Ken-kun." Aya said truthfully, "The detective I hired and I are making progress finding Aya-chan, though."

"All right. You're sure it's okay?" Ken just wanted to make sure.

"I'm fine, Kenken." Aya sighed and hung up the phone. Now to figure out where Schuldich had taken that ho Yohji.

----------

"Asuka!" Yohji was staring at Neu from across the boxing ring with starry eyes.

"Hey, Neu." Schoen poked Neu in the arm, "That man-whore you used to date is here."

"Oh, God." Neu groaned, "All right, who let him in?"

"Schuldich. Apparently, Schu's little blond bitch turned out to be your ho of an ex-boyfriend." Hell informed her from where she was giving Tot a last-minute boxing lesson. "Now, Tot, as they told us on the force, move like a butterfly, sting like a bee."

"Force? As in that Star Wars movie Bradley brought over from America?" Tot asked eagerly.

"NO!" Hell was barely restraining the urge to throttle the blue-haired girl.

...and people wondered why Hell, Neu, and Schoen were so crazy.

----------

"Now, you want to move your left arm like this." Crawford was giving Nagi some professional pointers that had helped him while *he* was in the ring a few years back. "And your right arm like this."

"Like this?" Nagi asked flatly as he proceeded to flip Crawford over and onto the floor. Okay, so maybe Brad's technique worked a bit *too* well.

"Yes." Crawford groaned, picking himself up off the floor. Note to self. Do NOT teach the kid your prized boxing moves.

"All right! Crawford, we need you to referee the match!" Reiji called out. Crawford gladly left the den of insanity that was their corner- Mamoru looked like some kind of rabid fangirl, the way he looked at a shirtless Nagi. Schu's little date was screeching at Neu, while Schuldich was screaming at the said date. Farfarello and Aya were comparing *knives*, for God's sake!

"...and START!" Reiji called out as Crawford rang the little bell. Brad felt like such a dork. It was worse than in high school (which had been pretty bad, considering his eyes were to sensitive for contacts, so he'd *had* to wear his glasses, and he hadn't been all buff like he was now)! Estet had BETTER appreciate what he was doing here!

"You hit like a girl!" Hell taunted Nagi, even as he punched Tot hard enough to send her reeling. Apparently, Nagi had no qualms about hitting a girl (or perhaps it was just Tot he was willing to hit). "Crawford's a sissy if he taught you that!"

"Sissy?" Brad was no sissy. He was a professional boxer! They don't get much more buff than that! "Why you little-"

"You're MEAN!" Tot shrieked suddenly, "You hit me! I'm a girl!"

"No you're not, you're the spawn of Satan!" Mamoru said sullenly, but nobody listened to him. They rarely did, in the evil empire. It was a safeguard on their sanity.

"Take THAT!" Tot grabbed her umbrella and began to beat Nagi with it.

Crawford sighed and rang the dorky little bell Reiji had made him use. Tot ignored him and continued to throttle Nagi with her umbrella. Mamoru had reached for his dart gun and had it ready to shoot when Nagi finally got himself together and threw Tot out of the ring.