Man I'm Glad I'm a Man, Man!

Everyday I give thanks to God that I was born a man instead of a broad.
When Oprah comes on I turn off the TV. I don't shave my legs and I stand up to pee.
I go to a barber, not a beauty salon. I Don't pluck my eyebrows just to draw them back on.
I Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts. I use my turn signal and understand sports.
I don't go through a faze every 28 days.

Man, I'm glad I'm a man!

I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons. I don't take friends when I go to the john.
I don't throw a fit when I break a nail. I don't buy a lot of shoes just 'cause they're on sale.
I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror. I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer.
I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass. I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass.
I don't face the pain of water-weight gain.

Man, I'm glad I'm a man!

To the ladies:

I love your pretty faces and your warm soft embraces.
I love those things inside of your blouse, but if I had my own boobs I would not leave the house.

But then again,

I don't spend two hours getting ready for a date. I don't play with dolls unless they inflate.
When someone asks me my age, I never lie. After sex in bed, my spot's always dry.
I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines. I don't mind if my dates try to get into my jeans.
I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie. Hell, this is the same underwear I wore yesterday.
I don't take a pill. I don't use Massengill.
I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin' !!

MAN, I'm glad I'm a man, man!

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