I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
My belt buckle's not hidden 'neath my big beer gut
I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch
I don't yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see – I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have body hair as thick as shag carpeting
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
When I bend over you don't see three inches of crack
The hair on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
I honestly think it's a privilege for me
to have these two breasts and to sit when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won't tell you my wife doesn't understand
I don't stick my hand in my pocket to hide the gold band
I can tell you a story that will make you sigh and weep
But I'll never screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
Forget about all that old penis envy!
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for a chick
I won't join a "hair club", I don't think with my dick
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm SO glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!