He kisses Dru. The croupier gets ready and spins the wheel again.
(Part 3 of 4)
- - - - - - - - - - - Commercial
Spike and Dru in the Carribean on the Carribean Island of Aruba, Dutch West Indies. In a casino we see Spike, handsome in a white tuxedo, and Druscilla, beautiful in a maroon velvet gown. Spike is playing roulette.
Spike (whispering to Dru): Can you see anything, yet, Pet? Concentrate.
Dru (looking through her eyelids, whispering back): Okay, coming up. I see a red forty-two, next . . . oh, a black thirty six, next . . . ahh, a black five. Spike writes these numbers down and studies them. A large man with a wonderful head of bushy black hair has his back to them and moves closer. He even seems to turn slightly to better hear Druscilla's words.
Spike: Good, then I'll just play the red.
Spike places a stack of chips on red. The black haired man turns and faces the camera. He is very Latin-looking, very handsome. The man also plays red. The croupier spins the roulette wheel. It stops.
Croupier: 21 Red.
Spike: Real luck. We win. Thanks, Pet.
He kisses Dru. The croupier gets ready and spins the wheel again.
Croupier: 42 Red.
The croupier pays off. The other man moves his accumulated winnings to black.
Spike (whispers to Dru): Okay, here's where we make our nestegg for Rio.
He pushes the entire stack onto Black 36. The croupier looks at him, interested, then continues to solicit bets; finally the man spins the wheel.
Croupier: 36 Black.
There is a general "Oooh" from the other people at the table as the croupier pays Spike. Spike now has an enormous pile of chips in front of him. He pushes them onto the black ten. The croupier watches him carefully and then makes eye contact with a roving pit boss. He moves his eyes toward Spike. The pit boss approaches, attentive.
The handsome man with the bushy hair puts his money on the black five.
Spike: Hello! Sir, like you I'm sure the next number will be surely be black, but do you feel the five is better than the ten?
Paul: I do, sir.
Spike: Then, I will join you. You seem supremely confident and, alas, I am torn assunder with conflicting feelings. Spike then pushes his entire pile onto the black five. The pit boss and the croupier again make eye contact; the croupier shrugs.
Spike (whispering to Dru): If this goes, Pet, it will allow us to live well in Rio for several months. You'll look enchanting dancing at Carnival, my Sweet.
The cropier spins the wheel again. The ball rolls and rolls in its track, then drops down into the slotted area and it bounces and bounces. It lands in a red spot. A full second seems to go by and then, unaccountably, the ball pops back up into the air and comes back down on the Black 5.
There is an audible gasp as the people at the table realize how well Spike has done.
Spike scoops his winnings toward him
Spike (to the croupier): No sense abusing our luck. (He pushes a tip towards the man.) For you. (to the bushy-haired man) Thank you, sir, for your timely advice. We will be forever grateful.
Victor: Victor Sebastian. (He bows and kisses Druscilla's hand). But you must allow me to treat you to dinner. I think you two brought me luck.
Spike: Sorry, sir, but we have very eclectic tastes.
Victor (rippling his forehead ever so briefly to reveal his own vampire lineage): Oh, I think I can find something you can keep down.
Spike (smiling): Perhaps you are right. Let me attend to my winnings, and we'll join you in the bar.
Cut to an elaborately ornate hacienda.
Victor opens the door and leads Spike and Druscilla in.
Victor: Yes, I have several enterprises in both Brazil and Argentina. My strawberries, wine grapes, and pascal celery are doing quite well for me right now. And I have developed a taste for Latin blood.
Druscilla: We don't seem to be able to manage our money very well. I hate worrying about money. It's a good thing we don't have to BUY food.
Victor: Ah, but shelter is expensive and perhaps even more important to those of our kind. It's nice to block the sun in style.
Spike (mostly to Druscilla): We might have been able to control our finances a bit better if we hadn't had to beat it out of town a few times ahead of a lynch mob. And then, well, Dru was sick for a while and things just kind of fell apart.
Victor: I understand. Well, let's see what we have to eat.
He walks to a double door and, in a grand flourish, pushes it open. Inside are people. Spike and Druscilla hesitate.
Victor: I called from the bar and had my servants round up a variety of delectible treats. Come in, please. You are my guests.
In the center of the room five people (two strong men, two gorgeous women and a small girl) are tied to five posts arranged in a circle. The people have been bound and gagged and their eyes betray their fear. Two vamp-browed servants are also present but they are backed up against the walls.
Druscilla: Oooh, the little one. Can I have the little one?
Spike: I'd rather you didn't, Pet. I don't want you falling back on old habits. (to Victor) We've had to leave town quickly more than once one step ahead of a crowd of irate parents. Druscilla has a certain drinking problem--she has a taste for very young blood.
(He shakes his head, sighs, and gazes toward the ceiling.)
Cut to a scene in Budapest (several years previous). At the bottom of the screen is written: "1989, Budapest, Hungary."
As Druscilla walks along the sidewalk in the early evening, several women run up behind and grab her. They rip Miss Edith out of her arms and throw the doll to the ground. Then they are joined by others who descend upon Druscilla with rocks and clubs. They beat her unmercilessly for a time, obscured by the people, and then when the crowd next parts, there is a rope tied around her upper body, pinning her arms. They extend the rope out and then tie it to the back of a truck. The tires of the truck squeal and Druscilla is dragged along the street, scraping and bouncing and striking the pavement again and again. Spike appears driving a Volkswagen and he drives up alongside the truck and cuts it off, forcing it over to the curb where it hits a tree. Then he springs out of his car and runs around to Druscilla who is so scraped and bruised she is barely recognizable. He removes the rope from around her upper torso and cradles her in his arms. As people begin running in his direction, he throws her over his shoulder and runs away from them and back to his car where he gently pushes her into the back seat. He throws the seat upright, gets in, and pulls away just as the mob reaches him.
Cut back to Victor's hacienda.
Spike: Dru has just recovered from injuries suffered as a result of her being caught feeding her addiction. I wouldn't like to see her indulge her fancy here and then start down THAT road again.
Victor: I quite understand.
He claps his hands and the servants spring to life and untie the little girl from the post and remove her.
Druscilla (wistfully watching her go): Wait, don't I get any say about this?
Spike: I'm just trying to look out for you, Love. You know how excited you get about the children. You become obsessed and then careless. We can't have you back in intensive care.
Druscilla (pouting): I can control it, I know I can. But, anyway, I AM famished. (she vamps her brow and rushes toward one of the large, tied-up men.)
Cut to a scene sitting on a circular sofa surrounding a fireplace.
Spike (rising): Well, thank you, Victor, for your hospitality. We're headed for Rio, ourselves, and we'll look you up after we've settled in.
Victor (taking Druscilla's hand and helping her to stand): The pleasure was all mine. (whispering to Druscilla) I'll bring the little one by your hotel later tonight. Find an excuse and meet me at your rear entrance. I'll be waiting.
Cut to a scene in the shadows behind the hotel.
Druscilla sereptitiously emerges from the rear entrance and looks around. Victor steps out of the shadows and motions and his two servants bring the little girl, bound and gagged, forward. Dru smiles and almost swoons.
Druscilla: I wasn't sure you'd still be here.
Victor: For you I would have waited past sunrise. I find you utterly enchanting and as a matter of fact I have something else I'd like to discuss with you after you've fed.
Cut to a lush field of tall green grass.
A small girl in a white diaphanous dress, with clean white socks, white strapped shoes, and a pink ribbon in her hair runs in slow motion through the verdant field in a bouncing, truly joyous manner She spins and her exhilaration is obvious. A close-up reveals it's Druscilla, pretty as a picture in her little-girl outfit, having a wondrous time enjoying her jaunt through the lushy green field.
Cut to a vamp-browed Dru rising from the girl's neck, blood dripping from her fangs, her eyes a glowing green, and with a smile of true sated happiness on her face.
Cut to the bedroom of a hotel suite.
Spike awakens with a start. He gets up immediately and heads toward the window and, keeping to the side, he draws the curtain over the part of the window that was inadvertently left uncovered allowing the sunshine to pour in. With that taken care of, he looks around puzzled.
On a night table, he sees a note with a pencil lying on top of it; he goes over and retrieves it and reads.
Note (narrated in Druscilla's voice): Spike, Love. I'm tired of living like a refugee. (Spike looks around himself at the sumptuous suite and raises his hands and shrugs in exasperation; he continues reading) Victor Sebastian has asked me to be his boon companion for a while; we are headed for one of his many secluded estates in South America, so don't waste your time searching for us. I'm sure we'll meet again. Till then, take care. Druscilla
Spike looks around the room anxiously. He drops the note and begins to quiver.
Spike (screaming): Aaaahaaaahh. Dru and those bloody goddamn children.
He doubles over as though in pain and begins crying. He spins around in anguish.
Spike (screaming): No, Druscilla. Don't leave me.
He grabs the nearest thing which is a lamp and he flings it against the wall where it shatters. He grabs a chair and throws it across the room. He pulls a table away from the wall and overturn it, stomping on it, breaking it down. He runs over and very quickly dismantles the bed, flinging its mattress and other pieces away from him in such a way as to emphasize his great strength. He runs across the room and attacks a breakfast nook table tearing it away from its mooring on the ground and rolling it away. He attacks the padded seats, pulling the foam rubber out of them.
There is a knock at the door.
Spike ignores the knock. He rushes over to the living room section of the suite and gets a hold of the sofa and lifts it over his head and dashes it to the ground. There is the sound of a key in the lock. The door flies open and a policeman, gun drawn, is standing there in a crouched position. He looks fearfully at Spike who squints at the cop and then looks around himself and perhaps realizes for the first time what he has done. He suddenly sinks down to the ground and cries.
Fade to black.
Unfade from black.
A sad-eyed man in a rumpled suit looks around the room while Spike sits on the mattress on the floor. Meanwhile a distinguished-looking, grey-haired man in a pin-striped suit looks on from near the door. When Spike looks at the man, he bows toward Spike. The cop, still in the room, stands, watching Spike intently, with his gun still drawn. The sad-eyed man in the rumpled suit finds Dru's note on the floor and reads it, then he looks over at Spike curiously. He goes over and whispers to the manager, who shakes his had sadly, then the detective returns.
Investigator: Senior Bonham. I guess I understand what this was all about. We have no interest in jailing you. The manager has, in fact, spoken up for you. Can you pay for this damage?
The hotel manager comes over to the investigator and whispers. The investigator raises his eyebrows. The manager bows toward Spike.
Investigator: Well, at least your wife did not run off with your money. I'm told that in the hotel safe you have more than enough money to pay for this mess. Can we make an arrangement here or do you perhaps need to destroy other things or perhaps need to be jailed?
Spike: No, I'm done. Look, you guys can have all but ten thousand if I can stay here till evening. I can make arrangements by then.
The manager and the investigator talk in whispers.
Investigator: Okay, but we'll need you out of here right after six. The mangager says he will estimate the damage and try to be fair and will refund you the full difference. He has no wish to make a profit from your misfortune. At six he will bring you the release he needs you to sign, the balance of your money, and your checkout papers. The manager further wants me to say he wishes you no ill will and that we are both sorry for your distress.
The manager bows again. Spike waves back.
Spike: Thanks, guys. I won't be any more trouble.
Cut to Spike driving into Sunnydale at night in his car.
His radio is playing loudly and he, as time-honored tradition would have it, runs smack into the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. He throws an empty bottle of Old Grandad out and backs up and pulls away.
Cut to Spike driving up to the abandoned factory.
He gets out of his car, staggers, and moves toward the entrance door beside the rolling overhead door. He passes what's left of a satellite dish that evidently had fallen off the roof; he shakes his head and mumbles, "too much to ask?" No one is around and he goes to pull the door open and step through but the door does not budge and he steps right into the wall. Then vamp-browed, he wrenches the door off its hinges and staggers through.
It is dark inside. He tries the lights and they don't work. He moves forward and runs into an obstruction and he strikes a match and moves past it. He hears some movement. Going toward it he encounters some very small vampire children sucking on a body.
Spike (to himself): More of Dru's handiwork, no doubt. She leaves many thing untidy in her wake. Including me. Well, enjoy your meal, children of the night. You are an abomination and your mother is no longer here to protect you. I'll tidy you up, you can bet.
He moves past them. Ahead he sees some movement, then nothing.
Spike: Ahoy, mates. It's your hearty Captain Spike back from being buffetted and tossed about by the storms of a cruel sea.
Voice: Spike. Is that you?
Spike: No, it's Lee Van Helsing. Of course it's me. Who else would come back here and put up with you jerks? (the match nearly burns his fingers and he drops it and strikes another) Who's there?
Voice: Shakespeare.
Spike: Shakespeare? Spare me any poetry. I appoint you my Lieutenant. [Editor's note: he pronounces it as thought it were spelled leftenant.] I'll plan my future tomorrow, after I get some sleep. I want you to go out before dawn and fetch me a newspaper. I want to catch up on what the local yokels in this depressing little burgh have been up to when I wasn't here kicking them in the butt. I think I'm due for a sea change. I'm tired of spending all my time in drafty warehouses and oily-smelling factories. You know, the vampires in Europe have magnificent houses and they own legitimate businesses? I even know one who owns part of a large bank.
Cut to morning as light streams into the factory through the windows high near the roof.
Spike sits with his feet propped up on a large desk, reading the paper.
Spike (half-way reading): Scientists have uncovered startling new evidence that all those birthday wishes made by children up to age seven always come true. (He turns the paper over and examines it.) What paper did you get me?
Shakespeare (flustered): Uhmmm?
Spike (reading again): Oooh, THIS is nice.
Shakespeare: What's nice?
Shakespeare, who actually looks like most pictures of William Shakespeare--round face, balding--comes into the room and sits on a barrel.
Spike: The old Sunnydale Welcome Inn is up for sale. Seems as though they've had one too many mysterious unexplained disappearances. Of guests, ha ha. The incredible dumbells! With the name Welcome Inn printed on every door, it was a veritable vampire cafeteria. It seems the existing management can no longer get insurance, boo hoo. Ha ha. Seven point two million, they want for it. What do you think? Druscilla would certainly have to sit up and take notice if I were to suddenly become the manager AND IMPRESARIO of a hotel. (Cut to a momentary daydream flash of Spike in a pin-striped suit, bowing smartly like the manager in Aruba.) Now if I could only come up with a down payment.
Shakespeare: That's a lot of money to take out of people's pockets. Plus the new vamp boss in town, Mr. Trick, would certainly not let you buy it.
Spike: Would not let me buy it? If that doesn't sound like a challenge . . . But you're right on one account, I require another source of income.
He sees a movement across the way behind some large, filled burlap sacks. A bag tips over and disgorges its contents which looks like some kind of colored glass chips.
Spike: Shaky, see what's over there in the corner.
The Lieutenant vampire vamps his brow and walks over toward the corner. The movement scurries away and can then be heard behind another pallet filled with sacks of some other material. Shakespeare moves one way then he breaks for the other direction, cutting off the retreating lurker.
Shakespeare (reporting): Children. More of these children. What can we do with them?
Spike: Stake them, Shaky. They are their mother's obscenity--no good to anyone. They'll never get any older and they can't even fend for themselves.
Spike looks at Shakespeare trying to corner the children who again scurry just out of reach, then he looks over at the burlap sack lying on the ground.
Spike: Wait a minute, Shaky. Maybe they can dance for their supper.
Cut to the rear of a Bank of America branch in Los Angeles.
The sun has gone down, but it is still twilight. At the loading dock, three twist-tied dark garbage bags sit off to the left. An armored money-transportation van backs up and stops. The driver remains behind the wheel. An armed guard in a light-tan uniform, the man who was riding shotgun, gets out and goes around to the rear of the armored car. He waits.
The door at the rear of the bank opens and a security guard dressed in blue emerges and takes a clipboard from the armored van guard and studies it. Then the armored van guard checks the other guard's paperwork. The guard in blue goes back and hammers three times on the rear door of the bank. He exchanges code words over the intercom and the door opens and a cart is pushed forward with large burlap sacks on it. By wagging his finger in the air, the van guard counts the bags. There are approximately thirty bags. The van guard raps on the rear of the van. He exchanges code words with another guard inside and the double doors at the back of the truck open up. The armored van guard steps forward and with a grunting effort begins heaving the bags into the back of the van where a guard inside stacks them in a more orderly fashion. Suddenly there is a loud popping noise like firecrackers going off; it comes from a spot up the street on the driver's side of the van. They close the van door, first thing, and then both outside guards put their hands on their guns and move warily toward the source of the noise, scanning the neighborhood intently.
At that point the dark plastic garbage bags become animated and the dark plastic is quickly pulled inside the bags through a hole in the back, and they then reveal outwardly they are a bag very much like the other bags on the cart. Then little feet emerge from the bottom of the burlap money bags and they move over to the cart and step up onto its back where they shuffle forward until they are at the back row right behind the other bags. The feet disappear again.
No further threat is heard from up the street, and the guards shrug and go back to tossing the money bags inside the van. When the final bags are heaved in, a grunt is heard, but the two guards look at each other briefly, sheepishly.
Cut to a scene outside the van as it travels in the dark, then to a scene inside the van.
One of the bags moves and a small hole in the side becomes larger, then vampire teeth can be seen biting and ripping the bag open.
Cut to the guard sitting in the back of the van.
He is reading a Playboy and he unfolds the centerfold. He hears a noise and looks up just in time to see a body flying toward him. He is immediately attacked and set upon by two vampire children who go directly for his throat. They push him over backwards and descend upon him.
Cut to the front cab of the van.
Driver: Haven't heard from Johnson for a while. Check on him.
The shotgun guard slides a window grating open and looks in the back where he sees that the children have the rear door open and they are pushing bags of money out into the street. As the bags hits the ground vampires run out of nowhere and grab them. A truck passes by and the vampires throw the bags aboard.
Cut back to the factory.
Spike, amidst almost a dozen vampires, is beaming as he inspects his mound of money bags. He is on a cell phone.
Spike: Franky, Franky, you old reprobate. How the hell are you? (pause) Good. Yes, it has been a long time. Look, I've got a little problem, but it's a good problem, and luckily it falls within your area of expertise. It seems I've come into possession of a number of bags of old American currency; this are the old used bills that were on their way to be taken out of circulation and destroyed. I need to launder this money as I have a certain business enterprise I'd like to get involved in and I need you to facilitate my entry into the exciting, colorful world of hotel management. (pause) Almost a million, small well-worn bills. (pause) Of course I'll pay you, you bounder. (pause) She's fine. (pause) Oh yeah? A surprise for me? (pause) No, I can't even guess. (pause) What? You've located my mirror? (pause) Yes, I have been looking for it since that party we attended years ago in Paris? (pause) I know. But where did you find it? (pause) You're kidding. In the German Government's archives from World War II. Whatever was it doing there?
Cut to outside the factory at night.
The bags of money are on a truck and the rear door is closing. The truck starts up and pulls away and Spike waves bye-bye to it. He looks down and in his hand is a check for $850,000 made out to the Sunnydale Welcome Inn. He pulls out his cell phone and places a call.
Spike: Franky, old man. Spike. Really, thanks for your help. (pause) No, you creep, I'm not that grateful. However if I ever decide to swing in your direction, you'll be the first to know. (pause) Yes, I've got the check and we close on this tomorrow evening. You're help has been truly amazing. (pause) Well, I didn't think . . . Okay, okay all ready, of course I'll listen to your management consulting team. I DO want this place to make money. But, just keep in mind, I also want to learn how to actually run it myself. (pause) More amazing? (pause) Really? You've sent me the mirror? (pause) In Los Angeles? Fantastic. (pause) I'm astonished. And they don't know its history? (pause) Okay, I'll get ready for it. Thanks again, Franky. Come visit. Hey "Californey is the place you ought to be," the land of fruits and nuts. (pause) Yes, friend, bless your demon, haha.
Cut to an outdoorsy scene.
Dru is dressed like a little sailor boy. She is down on the ground rolling around and playing with a little puppy that keeps trying to lick inside her ear and when he does she is totally out of control, helpless, laughing, and she is deliriously happy.
Cut to a king-sized bed in an opulent bedroom. Across the bottom of the screen it says "Rio De Janiero, Brazil, Three Months Prior to the Present."
Fangs bared and bloody, eyes spaced out, Dru raises up from the neck of a small boy dressed in a little sailor suit and drops his body on the floor. In the bed beside her is Victor Sebastian who is also gorged with blood; his latest victim, a girl, is lying on the floor on his side of the bed. On the nightstand is a very large pile of gambling chips.
Dru leans back and lies in bed looking up at the ceiling. A fan turns lazily. Then she closes her eyes.
Cut to a scene out on a dessert.
The camera swoops across sand dunes and there in the distance stands Spike all alone except for a metal cylindrical object standing beside him. The camera passes over him but continues to watch him and it continues to move but now it's moving away from him and it continues until he is but a small dot on the horizon. Then suddenly there is a nuclear explosion and the shock wave approaches the camera and jolts it.
Cut to Dru, startled awake suddenly in her bed next to Victor.
She raises up and looks around confused.
Cut to Spike reading the paper again in his factory.
He turns the page. The camera is on his face and he is intent on reading.
Shakespeare: Spike, I ran into Druscilla. She's back in town and wants to see you.
Spike (smiling with joy): Well, the prodigal returns. Should I forgive her? What else did she say?
Shakespeare: That's just it. She asked me to bring her Miss Edith, but I went through her dolls and, well, look.
Bored, Spike looks up from his paper. Shakespeare is standing there with an armfull of dolls of every shape and size, even some stuffed animals, teddy bears, etc.
Spike: Yeah?
Shakespeare: Which one is Miss Edith?
Spike: Oh, I thought you knew. They're all Miss Edith.
Cut to a darkened restaurant setting. The sign across the bottom of the screen say, "Sunnydale, Present Day."
Left to right, Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Giles are seated at a booth; they have soft drinks and are looking at menus. A waitress comes over for their order.
Willow (holding up four coupons): We have these coupons.
Waitress (taking them): Oh, good!
Willow (giving the waitress an odd look): Okay, there may be another who will join us later. (The waitress nods.) I'll have the rock crab pasta and the corn chowder. That's all.
Buffy: Not ready yet. Go ahead guys.
Giles looks up at Xander.
Willow: Go ahead, Giles.
Giles: Your largest steak, rare but not pink, baked potato with everything you've got, and a salad with bleu cheese dressing. I'll also have a glass of your house Cabernet, with the meal.
Xander flips the menu over nervously.
Willow (to Buffy): Go ahead, Buffy. Xander never knows what to order. He's sociopathetically indecisive about food.
Xander (in his best PeeWee Herman voice): I know YOU are, but what am I?
Willow (smiling): Okay, so order.
Xander (buries his head back in menu and mumbles): I'm not ready yet.
Buffy: Okay, I'll have the Jerk tuna, and let me have the cobb salad.
Waitress: Dressing on salad?
Xander looks up curiously from his menu.
Buffy: Oh, let's see. How about just, um, (scratches the base of her nose), um, oil and vinegar.
Xander: Buffy, I saw you look at me when you ordered the jerk tuna.
Buffy (smiling): Oh? And I thought I wasn't ALL THAT obvious. Did I hurt your widdle feelings?
Willow: Don't pay any attention to him, Buffy. You didn't hurt his feelings. He's just stalling. He still can't decide what to order.
Xander: Oh, yeah, smarty pants. Well, here goes: (to waitress) I'll have the soup de jour, the catch of the day, and the vegetables in season.
They all laugh lightly.
Willow (sarcastically): Good choices.
Waitress: Salad?
Willow (sounding like Robbie Robot): Warning, Xander Robinson, twelve salads to choose from.
Xander (looking like he's just been given a monumental task or a death sentence. He looks back at the menu, then suddenly brightens): I'll have the Chef's Salad--let HIM choose.
Waitress: Dressing on the salad?
Xander (furrows his brow then points towards Buffy as if to acknowledge her choice): Vinegar and water.
The waitress gives him a puzzled look.
Waitress: I'm not sure . . . Does that mixture come in a brand-name?
Buffy (smirking, chirping in): Yeah, the brand name is Massengill. (They all laugh except the waitress.) But if you don't have it, bring him Oil and Vinegar.
Xander (feigning concern, to waitress): What'd I say?
Waitress: Vinegar and water.
Xander (cringing): Ooops. Sorry.
Waitress: No problem. It happens all the time.
She collects the menus and leaves.
Xander (thoughtfully to the others): Happens all the time? I spent half the night dreaming up that joke and she just dismisses it as a mere fox pox?
They all laugh heartily.
Buffy (confused): But what would you have said if I had ordered a different dressing?
Xander (looking right into her eyes, then away): No, Buff, you always order oil and vinegar. You wrinkle your forehead and scratch your nose, but that's what you always end up ordering.
Buffy (confused, then turning toward Xander, she puts her arm around his neck and pecks him on the cheek--he is puzzled): It's good to have you back in full Xander mode. Every Slayer should have some silliness in her life. I have a new respect for your Mr. Bungle routine.
Giles (to Buffy and Xander): Quite right. Even I missed it. Well, I hope the food is good. And I hope we will soon find out who our mysterious benefactor is.
A piano begins playing in the lounge. The camera swings around and at the piano a man is seated (Chris Beck in his big cameo) and behind him there is a screen with a light projected on it. Suddenly the familiar strains of "Soul and Inspiration" by the Righteous Brothers begins playing and Chris sings as the words appear on the wall, each word highlighted as its turn comes up.
Chris (singing into a mike):
You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
There's no tenderness like before in your fingertips
You're trying hard not to show it, Baby, but Baby, Baby, I know it.
Chris raises his hands off the keyboard to encourage the audience to join in. It can be seen that it is a player piano, as the keys continue plunking away on their own.
The audience (singing):
You are my soul and my heart's inspiration
You're all I've got to get me by
You are my soul and my heart's inspiration
Without you, Baby, what good am I?
Oh, what good am I?
The music stops and the screen goes white. A spotlight is trained on Chris.
Chris Beck (rising): And, now, Invited Guests, I have the happy honor and distinct privilege of introducing the new owner of the Sunnydale Inn, Mr. William Bonham.
Spike appears next to Chris. The spotlight is trained on him.
Cut to the Buffy table where there is a collective gasp.
Giles (deadly earnest): Don't put another drop of anything in your mouths.
Cut back to Spike.
Spike (taking a microphone from Chris, shields himself for a minute from the bright spotlight): Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm not used to all this bright light. (recovering) Welcome one and all to the new Sunnydale Inn. Please note we've dropped the term Welcome from our name for purely aesthetic reasons, but I DO certainly want you all to feel welcome here. Now, I've spent loads and loads of money renovating the old place and I hope it shows. (some clapping)
Many of you who know me know that I don't do anything half-way, so I assure you that I intend that this establishment be well-received in the Sunnydale community, that it be popular, and most of all that it be profitable, so if there's anything you can think of that your little hearts desire, and that'll ease you on back for another visit, please, let me know. And PLEASE call me Spike. I've grown into the name over the years, and please don't think me rude if I fail to answer to William.
Tonight just happens to be Karoake Night here in the Lounge, so feel free to approach Chris, here, with any requests you may have and, if we don't already have it available on our "Jukebox," I promise we'll have it for you within a week. Right, Chris?
Chris Beck: Absolutely, Spike.
Spike: So, now, I'll return the mike to Chris. Enjoy yourself, one and all.
Someone in the audience says, "Song."
The chant is picked up by others.
Cut to Buffy's table.
Even Buffy yells, "Song."
Cut back.
Spike (taking back the mike): Please, people, anywhere but in my restaurant; my singing voice has been known to turn stomachs. ("Song" continues to be shouted from the audience. Spike shrugs.) Okay, a good host does not disappoint. (He takes the mike and whispers to Chris. Chris fiddles with a small computer. The screen lights up again and the piano begins plunking away. The words appear.) Okay, maybe I can manage this. Here's my life's story.
I Started a Joke by The Bee Gees.
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