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Issue One - 11/11/04 |
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Government funds 'The Burberry Experiment' |
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As part of a new study into 'undesirables', the government is funding a "Burberry Experiment", in order to find out
more about its effects. Yesterday, as part of the opening ceremony, Senator Tom Kitt voluntarily donned a tasteless
patterned baseball cap with matching disaster pants. Mayhem ensued. Senator Kitt was seen to grab a knife from a
nearby table and threaten the Minister for Justice Michael McDowell, demanding the keys to his Mercedes. He then
fled the scene in the stolen vehicle.
The Minister's car was next seen doing 120mph down the M50, before being involved in a ram raid in Blanchardstown. The burnt-out car was then discovered in Clondalkin next to a housing estate. Soon after that, Kitt was spotted carjacking a Fiat Punto near Neilstown Shopping Centre. He was not spotted again until later that evening, when the now souped-up Punto, with added go-faster-stripes, double rear spoiler and neon blue under-tray was seen on Eden Quay, with the trance version of Bryan Adams' "Heaven" blaring from the car stereo. At this stage Senator Kitt was apprehended by the Gardai. Senator Kitts' "singer/songwriter" son, David Kitt, was unfortunately uninjured in the incident. |
 Style Baby! STYLE!
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