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Issue One - 11/11/04 |
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UCD scientists discover Glen Hansard created the universe |
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A small body of scientists researching the origins of the
universe have discovered, much to everyone's amazement,
that the universe was in fact created by Glen Hansard,
lead singer of Irish band The Frames.
The team of scientists say that they are now in possession of unquestionable mathematical proof that Hansard is in fact the creator of the entire known universe. Meanwhile Glen Hansard himself, although a little taken aback by the news, is determined not to let it go to his head. "I always knew I was special. Everyone knows that I created rock music in Ireland but it's good to finally have it confirmed that I actually created everything. It's deadly!" "I am God," Hansard added with a smug, self-satisfied grin. Having people recite his rambling, trite, meaningless anecdotes at concerts was a big plus for Glen as he can now turn these ridiculously self-indulgent pieces of tripe into prayers. "Yup, the first prayer book of the Church of Glen is being published as we speak. It's mostly just stuff you've heard on the Setlist album as I tell my wonderfully intelligent and highly original stories about where my songs of genius come from. So my flock mostly know them all off by heart by now. And if they don't they better start learning or I will strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger, just like what that fellah in Pulp Fiction said." |
 The Great Ginger One in action
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