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Issue One - 11/11/04 |
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A controversial new plan to scrap the month of
November was this week revealed by Micheal
Martin, the Minister for Enterprise, Trade and
Employment. It is, in his own words "to rectify
what has not been working for a long time now".
Martin has proposed this daring new move only
days after meetings with major toy company
and department store bosses.
By way of explanation Martin has said "I think we were all getting a bit sick and tired of that funny little month when nothing happens. It's all a bit pointless really and frankly I believe it's wasteful, self-indulgent and irresponsible of us to go on like this year after year." When quizzed on what he planned to put in November's stead Marin replied "It's very simple really, when we look at the all the options, the most practical thing to do is to extend December to 61 days thus taking the stress off of people in regards to Christmas. With the Festive season starting at this time people have a lot longer to really enjoy this family period and of course complete their purchasing in a hassle free environment." When quizzed on the notion that this was merely a cynical excuse for big business to squeeze even more money out of the already stretched Christmas shopper, Martin replied "I'm appalled at the suggestion that I might be 'in bed' with companies such as Mattel, Sony, Toymaster, etc…if a little more spending happens what's the harm? Everyone knows that the Christmas spending period is always a huge boost to the economy so how could it hurt to extend it a little?" Martin declined to answer any more questions but did add that he is also formulating a plan to "even out" time allocated for programming and advertisements on terrestrial television adding it "has been unjustly biased and disproportionate for some time now." |
 November - a wasteful, self-indulgent
and irresponsible month. |