 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
Issue Ten - 24/06/05 |
 |
|
|
|
Dear Bible,
Myself and my girlfriend are in a bit of a situation. She bought herself a pregnancy test yesterday and the thing turned out positive. The thing is that neither of us wants to have the baby. But as our parents are active Catholics, we are wondering if you can suggest a solution that appeases them and suits us. Yours sincerely, Nervous in Knocknacarra Dear Nervous, I'd say the best course of action is to go ahead and have the baby aborted. After all, it clearly states in the Bible, in the Book of Leviticus and again, in the Book of Numbers, that babies younger than one month old are not valued by God and are not numbered among his followers. Therefore, equip yourself with a copy of the Good Book and if your parents give you any grief then give the Good Book a good thumping and recite the appropriate verses. They'll be so proud of you! Yours sincerely, The Bible Dear Bible, I am racked with guilt as I have fallen in love with my neighbour's wife. I know it is a sin, as you clearly say that "Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife." Please tell me that there is hope for me. Yours faithfully, Randy in Renmore Dear Randy, The Bible says a lot of things. Just pick and choose what's appropriate. Take the following verses which support your adultress behaviour: Numbers 31:18 "But all the women children that have not known man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves." Hosea 1:2 "And the Lord said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms...." Hosea 3:1 "Then said the Lord unto me, God yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress." I say bang away, and give her a good seeing to for me! Yours sincerely, The Bible |
 |