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Issue Twelve - 17/11/05 |
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The Coffee Shop of Broken Dreams |
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Daniel Fitzgerald, 28, an employee of Elle's Cafe Galway, finally admitted last weekend that he is a coffee shop employee and not a writer as he had been claiming for the past five years. Sitting on the couch in his flat in Galway city centre last Sunday afternoon, Daniel Fitzgerald completed Grand Turismo 3 for the fourth time in as many days and then broke down in tears. Amid a deluge of tears and barely intelligible sobs about being a fraud and a failure he retired to his room where he did not emerge until Monday morning.
Flatmate Jonny Kavanagh admitted that he was not exactly surprised by the revelation. "Daniel's always told everyone he's a writer. Since he left college he's been working on his 'magnum opus' as he calls it. But, to be honest, when he's not at work he's normally, stoned, drunk or playing Playstation. Any time he does manage to get his shit together and spend some time in front of the computer in his room I think he's mostly just watching porn on the net." Holed up in his room on Sunday evening Daniel granted the Naked Galwegian an interview by phone. "I have notebooks filled with ideas but I look at what I've actually put together coherently and it's rubbish - the sort of shite that a transition year student would write after reading Catcher in the Rye too many times. It's time I face facts, I'm a coffee shop employee not a writer. I know more about half-cafe double-frapp caramel mochas than I do about literature. I don't think I'll be ever able to hold my head up or scab a pint in Neachtain's again. I'm such a fraud compared to the hardworking writers and artists that frequent there." Daniel spent a further thirty minutes reflecting on the state of his life before smoking a joint and masturbating to some of his sizeable downloaded pornography collection. |
Daniel sips a coffee and contemplates his life's failures and large pornography collection
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