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Issue Twelve - 17/11/05 |
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Dear Jesus,
I have an unhealthy fear of croissants. I keep thinking the world is going to end if I eat one. I mean, I could be just sitting there in my flat enjoying the fine taste of a beautiful French croissant and then BANG! It's all over. Please help. Yours multi-culturally, Niall O'B. Dear Niall, Don't worry, the only thing that's going to happen if you eat that croissant is maybe a little flabbiness. Everyone knows the world is going to end when George Dubya's reign comes to an end and he accidentally pushes that button.... Hmmmmm... I probably wasn't supposed to tell you that. Shit, ah well, I'm sure most of ye all could kinda see it coming anyways. Yours, Christ. Dear Jesus, I'm a real fucker. I mean a real, real fucker. Name a sin and I've done it, tenfold. I'm selfish, depraved, addicted to various narcotics and a disease spreading womaniser. What should I do to get into heaven? Yours, M deSade. Dear M, Don't worry about it baby. I mean, take a look at what the Catholic Church have been up to. Holy Fucking Me - they make the Mafia look like the Tweeneys. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SICK FREAKS AT? I mean if they're not perverted child abusing scumbags then they're covering up for them and insuring themselves against what they're up to. Your problem? Yeah, whatever. Try to be good. Pass through the eye of a needle and you'll get into heaven. That's how it goes isn't it? I cannot even remember my own parables. That's how fucking annoyed I am right now. Yours, Christ. |
 "I'm never drinking again."
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