 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
Issue Two - 25/11/04 |
 |
Shocking DNA results prove GAA star is a Protestant |
|||
|
The sporting world was rocked yesterday after yet another Irish testing
scandal. At a press conference in Dublin a GAA spokesman announced
that a prominent sportsman is to be stripped of his All-Ireland medals
once final tests have confirmed what has already been uncovered.
The spokesman read from a prepared statement: "Certain misgivings have recently come to the attention of senior staff in the GAA in relation to a particular Kilkenny hurling player and, after ordering DNA tests at our private testing facility in Kildare, we can now reveal that this sportsman has been for years hiding the fact that he is in fact 'a Prod'. If further testing confirms these findings then the GAA will have no alternative but to strip said sportsman of his medals." The Naked Galwegian can now exclusively reveal that the sportsman in question is in fact the legendary DJ Carey. An inside source at the GAA said they have suspected for years that DJ Carey "just wasn't one of us." "What with the square head on him and the superior skill that you just don't find in other players. Aside from hatred and bigotry that's the main reason for us not wanting Prods in the game, they're just too bloody good at it; they'd put our lads to shame". The GAA insider then revealed, "Well, we've been trying to get him for years but that Black 'n' Tan bastard knows all the tricks to get out of testing, putting whiskey in his sample and all that. Sure we all just thought he'd been out on the lash the night before." DJ Carey has declined to comment until all tests are carried out and confirmed. At time of going to press we contacted the GAA's private testing facility to see if any results were in, but in a peculiar twist it would seem that the second DJ sample has mysteriously been misplaced. Cian O'Connor is not a suspect. |
 DJ Carey as sketched by our sub-standard staff artist | ||