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Issue Two - 25/11/04

Advertising Feature
Cunts 'n' Pricks Nightclub
Hey! Are you looking for a great night on the tiles? Then look no further than Cunts and Pricks Nightclub where you'll find everything you need for your ultimate clubbing experience.

First, you'll be treated to a 45 minute wait in the rain before encountering our incredibly obnoxious bouncers who, if you're not suitably attired (checked Ben Sherman shirts for men, tiny skirts of any description for women), will tell you in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

Once inside, you'll be asked to pay a nominal fee of entry, at least 10 euro. This does not include any drink or use of the cloakroom. And if you do pay the 1.50 to put your coat in we're not responsible if anything gets stolen out of it. Incidentally if you lose your ticket we are not obliged to give you your coat back.

Then it's time to bust a groove on the dance floor. Why not shake your ass to some of the most mediocre and overplayed tunes that you've heard all week on the radio in work? The ones that make you spend your lunch hour discussing the fun you think you had last week in Cunts and Pricks and looking forward to next weekend.

If you tire of singing your heart out to these classics and simultaneously getting your ass grabbed by one and all, you'll be glad to hear that Cunts and Pricks is one of the last champions of the slow set where even socially retarded losers can score some comatose chick to prop up for ten minutes and possibly bundle into a taxi if she doesn't come around. Score!

But don't worry. If you don't manage to get that dream girl don't forget there's always a chance to appear in The Galway Advertiser. Cunts and Pricks are now running an exclusive offer for our customers.

All you have to do is:
  • Drink 12 pints of cider.
  • Box the head off some random stranger in the street. (Must be outside our premises)
  • Then tell a Garda to go fuck himself.
If you do all these in the order printed you'll win the unique opportunity of an audience with Judge Mary Fahy and an appearance in the Courts Pages of The Galway Advertiser. What better way to top off your night and be the envy of all your friends?

So come on down tonight to Cunts and Pricks Nightclub where you're Number One!*

*Customer is not actually considered Number One

Just one of our smug git customers







Ladies - this man could be
your Prince Charming!
Lads - look at him sideways and he'll break your face!