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Issue Two - 25/11/04 |
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New terrorist organisation emerges |
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A new terrorist threat has emerged in Ireland. A group of dissident republicans has sent out
press releases announcing the organisations name and intentions. The group is known as
the 22-County Sovereignty Committee. They claim to be an ultra-nationalist terror group
who stress the importance of pure "Irishness" in their supporters. They also want Donegal,
Cavan, Monaghan and Louth to be turned over to British rule, since these counties just
aren't Irish enough. Yesterday, at a hastily convened press conference, a balaclava-wearing,
obese man made this statement:
"The group represents the true Irish people; the freckle-faced, red-haired muck savages who symbolise the real meaning of being Irish. We don't like foreigners, lefties, Dubs, Protestants or people with any sort of tan. Be it real, fake, sun-bed or alcohol induced. Well, ok, maybe the alcohol one is alright, as long as it's accompanied by some sort of mindless grudge against everyone else". The group also want Dublin to be carpet bombed by America, with the capital being moved to Ballina, County Mayo. "Dublin is not the real or historical capital of Ireland, and it's full of West Brits. In any case, Ballina is handy because when I seize power I won't have to travel to work and I'll still be able to sign on from home". It is not known how many people are in the organisation, but journalists and passers-by were offered a stubby Transformers pencil and a sheet of paper to write their e-mail addresses on. |
 Eyre Square:
Weapons of Mass Destruction still not found | ||