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Issue Three - 09/12/04 |
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Chromo-Zone |
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New lows were reached in the pop industry today when Louis Walsh unveiled
his latest musical venture. "Chromo-Zone" are four genetically engineered
young men (two of whom hail from Sligo), who have made the impressive leap
from lab rats to brat pack. "Johnny", "Bobby", "Jimmy" and "Barry" were
unveiled amid much pomp and flash photography at The R.D.S. this morning.
The band have been genetically designed to smile a lot, dance, attempt to sing, sign autographs and say nothing controversial. As yet, The Naked Galwegian can find nothing to distinguish these "Pop Clones" from all other manners of "organic" pop dross. Originally there were five members of the band, but the band's main talent, "Billy", didn't make it through the engineering process. "Billy", who was intended to be the band's songwriter, was engineered from the combined DNA of Leonard Cohen, Ian Curtis and Kurt Cobain. Unfortunately, "Billy" developed severe emotional problems and turned over his own test-tube after five months, but only after penning the debut album as well as several b-sides. Asked about the inspiration behind the idea and the band's chances of success, Louis Walsh said this morning, "I am a talentless wanker who epitomises everything that is wrong with the world and will spend the afterlife being sodomised by Hermes the Three-Headed Hell Dog, while feasting on Satan's Foul Cock and regurgitating his acidic jizz in a perpetual cycle of pain and misery". Reasons to be optimistic then. Chromo-Zone's debut single, "All that we have seen and experienced in our lives thus far", goes on sale on Friday. The Naked Galwegian will keep you posted. |
 Evil has an ugly, ugly face
 Johnny, Bobby, Jimmy and Barry (order not important) |