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Issue Four - 20/01/05 |
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Dublin is foreign, says writer in free Galway paper |
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Let's face it; we all hate those jumped up Jackeen bastards. You can't put your
finger on it. Their accents sear the skin on your face like hydrochloric acid.
Their attitude is known to cause Geiger Counters to switch themselves on. The
River Liffey more closely resembles the renal arteries of a 78-year old alcoholic
than an actual river. And the piece de resistance; that "Spike"; as much a tribute
to heroin as it is a symbol of the future.
We hate Dublin and Dubs, with their grim cocktail bar lives and "label" clothes.
These are not only made by sweat shop slaves, these same slaves are called upon
on a daily basis to do repairs, make alterations and take guff. It is an established
fact that 83% of the world's problems originated in Dublin.
And, it has now also been revealed by historians that Michael Collins tried to give Dublin to the Brits as part of the Anglo-Irish Treaty, in exchange for a few acres of marshland in Fermanagh. David Lloyd-George is believed to have reacted to the suggestion with the comment "I'd rather inject caustic soda into the eye of me knob." Lloyd-George's secretary is now known to have attempted suicide the moment the suggestion was made, in spite of the fact that he was 150 miles away in Ipswich at the time. But, a solution to the "Dub Problem" is at hand. After intensive negotiations between The Naked Galwegian and Al Qaeda, the latter has agreed to a request to direct all future terrorist attacks against Dublin rather than America. Intelligence reports from the Homeland Security Agency in Washington suggest that Trinity College could be targeted in the next few days. When asked to specify a date, Tom Ridge, Head of Homelands Security Agency said: "I could, but that would only give those Trinity shitheads a fighting chance of survival. Who wants that?" It just might be the Bush Administration's first good decision. |
 Four good reasons to drop the bombs |