 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
Issue Six - 24/02/05 |
 |
Efforts to rid Galway of students fail |
|
|
Mayor Connolly was today suffering another setback as her plans
to rid Galway of drunken Rag Week students failed miserably this
week. These scantily-clad vermin with their high-pitched,
drink-fuelled giggling have plagued Galway for the past two weeks
- and the female students weren't much beetter.
In an emergency Council meeting on Monday last Mayor Connolly got approval to call in the help of Hans, the barrel-wielding Dutch man immortalised on cans of Dutch Gold. This icon of youth drinking was, in theory, supposed to lead the students out of the city, away from real people who matter, and let them drown in Galway Bay. Unfortunately, the large barrel of lager slowed down Hans, and he only got as far as Fr. Griffin Road before he was pounced on and pinned down by the students. Amidst shouts of 'booze! booze! booze!' he was torn to pieces and his barrel drained. Then, re-energised by the cocktail of blood and beer, the students raced back to infest The Hole in the Wall, Mixer's, Fibber McGee's and the GPO, the faint echoes of ring-tones fading into the distance as the last of Hans' life essence drained from his mutilated body. Next year Mayor Connolly has promised that the standard Pied Piper will be used. |
 The Pied Piper will be brought in
next year promises Mayor Connolly |