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October 18, 2005
Depression.
Blog. I honestly find this senseless already. I'm blogging nonetheless. It proves that my boredom does make me do things that I wouldn't normally do on a day like this. Gawd. So much has been happening in my life, and I beg to differ when people say that I haven't changed. For one, my eyebags are literally sagging. With that said, I'm constantly tired, wanting to go out even with zero energy -- just because I don't want to totally nerdize myself and bury myself in all the books and stuff. It's been tough lately. My chances of receiving an honor for this quarter is like, totally far from 0.0001%. Hah. Proves to show that hard work doesn't exactly bring you where you want to be brought. High up the clouds - oh how I wish! This year wouldn't exactly count as one that I would "cherish all my life".
The depression literally takes me over. Striking me at the most unusual times as earlier, I just literally broke down, not wanting to live no longer - seriously. Call me a drama queen all you want. It's just that the pressure is overwhelming. My dreams of getting into UP are, I think, crushed; My chances of making my parents proud are out of the question; My social life's completely deteriorating (workload, and if ever I DO have the time, I'm too tired or too busy or whatever!); And to top it all of, the guy whom I think I'm actually infatuated with has no idea, or if ever he DID have an idea of it, and even if he DID like me back, NOTHING would happen at all, CAUSE THE PAST STILL STICKS TO US LIKE GLUE! Don't get me wrong. WE didn't have a past or whatever, it's my friend and him, which is like, completely sad. I wouldn't wanna look like this bitch who steals ex boyfriends away. And even if he IS an ex of hers, I still feel that it wouldn't be right. Because of all the guys that I choose to be infatuated with, I CHOSE HIM. And I really cam't help it, can I? So there. Such a happy life don't you think? It honestly tears me up, the fact that I think about these things. I have soooo many dreams that I'd like to achieve, thank you very much! Theres: 1) Buying a house and lot at Corinthian (cause that's like, my ultimate dream village and all). 2) Getting a Porshce, or at least something close to it. An uber cool car in other words. Expensive too. 3) Have a secretary! You know those types? Like, "Miss Roa, call on line 1." Hahaha. It's a weird dream but hey, I'd totally dig that! 4) Raise 3 children, give them all drivers and cars each, the coolest gadgets and such. In other words. Spoil them. In a good way though.. So as you can see, my dreams all require, well, LOADS OF MONEY, which I don't have at the moment and which I've lost hope of ever having. I just want a good life. Period. And hey check it out. No dreams for the greatest lovelife there. I admit, I'm totally materalistic - or practical as I'd like to call it. SEE! SEE!!!!! My future plan's destroyed! Cause the only plan I've got is to get into UP, take up accounting, take the board exam, leave for the US, take the exam there, apply as a taz accountant (who by the way earns loads), save up a lot, marry, have kids, and die. SEE! It's a simple life plan don't you think? Simple yet unattainable! Sheesh.
We've been having songfest practices for I guess about a month now, and almost everyday I get home at around 5:30 or later. Which is sad. I'm not exactly the most focused person on the block, so I end up sleeing at around 11 cause of all the friggin' "breaks" as I like to call them (so as to not feel guilty) ;) It's really sad though. My eyes are totally red sometimes, and add up the fact that I wear contacts. Nuff' said.
My exam scores were OK by the way. Failed English by like, a point, passed CL, LITERALLY PASSED. And the others. Well, better than I expected. Nothin below minus 15 for the others, which is great. Haaaay. High school does have it's ups and downs. Sometimes more downs than ups but hey. I bet college life's much worse.
I still feel like I don't belong.
Please try and catch me before I fall?
at 6:02 PM, Tuesday
October 9, 2005
beyond starving. famished.
Almost a month. Almost a month of not checking out my blog, almost a month of not blogging. Almost a month of not doing anything in friendster except logging in and logging out. Almost a month of hell weeks. Almost a month of nothingness and stress. Almost a month since I've been able to REALLY enjoy. Almost a month since I've had nothing on my mind. Almost a month since I saw him. Almost a month, since my this world's been hell and almost a month since I had a life..
Gawd. If you ask me, it's amazing how everyone else has the time to go online and blog for a couple of minutes slash hours. It's tough. I find the hours of the day too short for all the studying I have to do. And the worse part is, nerdizing myself isn't really getting me anywhere. I doubt, AGAIN, that I'll be able to go up that stage for honors or whatever. Really, it's tough, and being just above average makes it even harder. I wish I was this genius person, so I wouldn't have to study or whatever. I'm waaay too lazy for that even though it seems that I'm not. And here's the thing. I hate weekends!! I don't get anything done on weekends!! I slack off too much, and I'm waaaay too lazy to realize that I AM slacking off that I realize it right before I go to bed, Sunday night. I had this list taped on my mirror which had: Chem notes, CL Scrapbook, English analysis, Geom notes, Religion notes, Social notes, Study for social, Chem ionic, covalent, and acids, and clean room. out of 9, I only had 2 checks on that list. One for clean room, and once for the Chem ionic crap. Which means I'll have to cram my way through tomorrow once again. And I personally hate cramming. GAWD!!!! I'M BECOMING A HYPOCRITE HERE!!!!
The past month's been both fun and stressful. INFO OVERLOAD!! I'm physically and mentally tired. Happy nonetheless. It's hard, cause everytime I try to have fun or whatever, I do, but, not to the extent that I forget all the schoolwork I have to do when I get home slash the next day. It's soooo sad. I swear. My social life's deteriorating. And I'm losing contact with friends whom I don't get to see often. Kill me. OH WAIT. I have to meet Chad Michael Murray, Warren Peace (The one in the movie, not the actor), and John Cena. THEN I can die.
Joyride nonetheless. Minsan nauubusan na ko ng gas. PERA PANG GASOLINAAAAA! Minsan naman, full speed ahead. Minsan nasisiraan sa gitna ng kalsada. Minsan naman kala mo kung sinong tangang nanghihitch ng ride kasi wala na talagang pagasa yung car ko. Pero. Adventure eh! Masaya, kahit stress. Masaya ako ngayong sa III - 6. Kahit nung una medyo lubak lubak. At least now it's smooth sailing. I dunno what'll happen lang if SHE comes back from her leave. Baka magiba na yung buong class. No idea. APAK LANG SA GAS.
at 3:07 PM, Sunday
September 14, 2005
I wanna meet Warren Peace ;)
Gawd. It's been soooo long since I've had nothing to do at all, except for maybe ONE thing ;) Thank God that none of our teachers for the day gave out any homeworks or whatever, excepr for math though. Sa math kasi, walang kamatayang homeworks and excercises! So what do you expect, especially now that we have a new lesson, since our first long test just passed by some days ago ;) Sheesh. Well, it's my fave subject to say the least, so why bother? ;) Gotta love it though. No memorizing and all! :) That's the great thing about Math, it's all logic. Sadly, not everyone would choose logic over memorizing :) I'm one of the few ;)
It's sad. Really. I've been up till like, 11 at the least every night for the past few nights. Coolness ;) It's been a week na pala since Iast blogged ;) I haven't been online for quite sometime, schoolwork.. Typical.. I've been showered with schoolwork all week, and lucky me, as I said, not much homeworks ;) Sheesh.
One week. Tuesday, since I last blogged ;) Ok. Not much happened last Wednesday, so lets go on ahead to Thursday ;) Thursday. Half day. College day celebration. Marshall for the fun run. Etc. SPOGNECOLA. Shake hands. Yael Yuzon and Gosh Dilay. Wooosh! Sky High. Gateway. Jumbo Japs. Wendy's Biggie. The day started with the fun run ;) Marshalls! Haha! ;) We were the ones making sure that no one was cutting or taking shortcuts or whatever ;) After that. Mass ;) Gawd. I was soooo sleepy then. Then programme, crap crap. WOOSH!!!! The new teachers danced their hearts out! Haha Sir Keenson!!!! Kidding ;) Moving on.. Pols and I went down to the caf to buy some drinks or whatever.. And guess who we saw!!! YAEL YUZON!!! Ok, I'm not MADLY in love with him like some people are *ehem*, but still, cool, cause he can play both guitars and drums, cool lang talaga. Sort of like, an idol rather than a crush ;) So there! SHAKE HANDS!!!!! I shook his hand!! With hopes that some of his talent would find its way to me or whatever. Then went to the CR, then on our way back, SI GOSH NAMAN!! GOSH!! I SHOOK GOSH'S HAND!!! ;) Haha! ;) Again, with hopes, cause he's a great bassist! ;) So again with the hopes of the talent creeping its way into me!! ;) SADLY, no effect whatsoever. Nada. Nothing. Zip. Kapoot. Sheeesh. Hopes. Hanggang hopes lang talaga noh?! ;) Gusto ko pa naman kareerin yung pag gigitara na yan, o kaya pag drums, o kaya pag piano? Lahat nalang ng instrument na alam kong laruin, hanggang marunong lang eh! Hindi ko na nakareer! Which is sooo sad, cause I wanna be relatively good at something, besides badminton-ing ;)
After that, Angge, Halls and I went to Angge's house to dress up and freshen up and all, then went to Mcdo, just stopped by, then went to Gateway to watch Sky High! ;) Coolness! ;) Warren Peace dude is sooo hot! ;) Steven Straight if I'm not mistaken ;) Uber cool! ;) Wala lang!! ;)
Friday. Nada. Nothing. Just, studied and all that crap. Oh yeah! Went to my cousin's place ;) There was fiesta ;) Saw some YFC people! ;) Had sooo much work to do eh, so there. Saturday was both better and worse. Went to mass at around 6, got home at around 7, and while I was eating dinner, WHILE I was eating dinner, doorbell rang. There they were. 15 of my closest friends. 15 of the people I treasured the most in my life. HOLDING VODKA AND CIGS! =)) Weridos! They just, appeard! Hahaha! ;) They brought 90 proof vodka, which is uber strong ;) Hanggang Arctic lang ako eh! Everyone was dropping on the floor in no time. So I had to kick them out early, since we had no maids at night, and I dint want to be the one who would clean up THEIR mess and all ;) Funny night though ;) Talked to Karen! I wasn't wasted naman eh, not at all ;) Sheesh ;)
IT STILL ISN'T EVEN HALF OF WHAT'S TO COME..
at 7:55 PM, Wednesday
September 6, 2005
Hoooly crap! ;)
I was going through some blogs slash blog-hopping -- for the lazy at heart ;) And I saw this blog which says that she watched the longest yard and all. Well, yep. I watched it too, last LAST Sunday ;) So, 2 weeks I guess since that occasion crap ;) It was OK I guess ;) I wouldn't rate it as uber funny though :) As I said, it was, OK, no more, no less ;) Worth the 120 though ;) With Rob Schneider on the bleachers screaming shit, haha ;) Uber cool. Notice that in all Adam's movies, Rob Schneider always has this minor character, and vice versa ;) Like, for the Hot Chick, Adam Sandler played this dude who played the bongos and crap (if any of you remember) :) And in 50 First Dates, Rob Schneider played this dude who was fat and all ;) Woosh ;) Friends nga talaga sila ;) Not to mention Rob's being half Filipino ;) Coool ;) I know right?! :)
Yes. That's an ongoing expression that everyone seems to be ok with at first, but at time goes by, I find it hard not to notice the simple fact that everyone gets annoyed by it in the long run. It simply shows that my expressions will never "happen", much like fetch ;) I forgot what movie what was in, but still, much like my expressions, "Fetch will never happen!" ;) Even the "Uh-huh this my shit" expression (supposedly meaning "righttt", but I got tired of that rightttt thing) dint last long. It was corny not to mention senseless, as I've heard everyone who has heard it say ;)
I came across another blog that was, shall I say, UBER SHOCKING, not to mention funny and embarrassing. Ok. I'm posting it I swear!! Coming from a Yellow batch dude from Miriam!!!! CONSIDER THE FACT THAT I'M NOT AT ALL BAROK.. I think.. BUT STILL!!! ERRRR!!
why did ateneo lost to UST??!!! 1. they were SOOOO complacement and over confidence that that game will be so easy and that ust won't be able to defeat them 2. l.a. tenorio didnt play well 3. not all players stepped up 4. the team didnt play hard during the first 2 quarters that's way the lead was up to 22 points!!!!! okay, lets go to the positive side: we also have to recognize the team's effort that they were able to brought down the lead to 1 point and stop ust's run during the third quarter and was able to outscored them by the end of the quarter, but those arent enough. but i believe that this lost will serve as a punishment and that they will definitely learn a lesson from what happened today. pero, lets still support the Ateneo Team!!!! One Big Fight!
* hey this is just my opinion and we are in a free country so, no offense!*
Want to visit her site and see for yourself? CLICK HERE! ;)
I have no idea where the hell this girl will end up in the near future, nor have I and idea how on earth she passed her GRADE SCHOOL years. I swear!!! ;) Magtagalog ka nalang sana, nevermind the tagalog part. Just don't.... Try too hard.. Sheesh. I'm not being mean ok. Factual mahn, FACTUAL ;)
I have no friggin' idea what happened this past week. Actually, I do, but it's too hard to recall ;) Let's try though ;)
Friday. Oh yes. Friday, friday, friday. I watched the Sibol play! WOOHOO! ;) Unfortunately, before that, a very SHOCKING, not to mention irritating and misfortunate thing happened. I'm not posting it though. *Karen, Buan, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! ;)* I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?! It totally IS irritating, and super unexpected. Actually, a part of me expected it but.. GAWD! NEVERMIND! Anywho. Sibol play!!! ;) And everyone, well, almost everyone, knows why I was uber happy that day! Woohoo! ;) "Sinta!" was good, CYRANO WAS WAAAAY BETTER. Only now had I really taken that in ;) They say that Sinta!'s supposedly the best play? I beg to differ. Can't wait for Romeo and Juliet next year!!! ;)
Saturday. NERDIZED MYSELF!!!!! ;) I swear to God I really DID nerdize myself. As in, I did everything. Studied every subject, brought home practically my whole locker, and did every friggin' assignment there was to do. AND AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH!!! I had to carry on whatever I was doing to Sunday cause I dint have enough time to do it all! SHEESH! How much crap is there?!?! Haaaaay. So there. There was my Saturday and Sunday.
Honestly though, I still stand by what I said in one if my past entries. What's the point of not getting any Cs if I can't use that to my advantage anyway?! GAWD!!! Hmmm. Stupid though. Schoolwork's totally eating up my social calendar. I barely even have time to go out to dinner with friends (which is the only thing I've been really doing to hang with them since school started) whom I don't get to see quite often, which is hard, considering the fact that I wouldn't want to not be updated with their lives and all ;) Haaay. Tough people live tough lives ;) That's probably all I have to say ;)
Monday. Yesterday was good. Tiring. I slept at like, 11:30 the night before -- Sunday, and since I'm not really used to sleeping late and all, I came to school, as always, uber sleepy and not really in the right mind quite yet. Got home at around 5:30, slept till 7, and still with my uniform on, I began to embark on a never ending quest to finish whatever I have to finish for the day -- or for the week for that matter. So there. Finished studying at around 12, NO STOPPING YAN HAH, except of course for 1 hour -- The OC! ;) But still!! 4 hours of studying, and I wasn't even completely done!! Gawd! So there. Puyat kahapon, puyat nung araw bago kahapon, and probably puyat din tonight! Gawd!!
Only now have I realized how burdensome schoolwork can be, and they say that, that's not even half of what's to come...
at 6:26 PM, Tuesday
September 3, 2005
Sinisinta kita, Sinta :)
Being the uber cheesy person that I am, I should've been touched by Sinta :) But no. Not at all. Well, the comedy part of it all was great ;) Justin Aquino was great too ;) Like, super funny, haha ;) Anywho, being, well, me, I should've liked the cheesy parts better, but, not really. It doesn't really mind me that it was cliche. I could deal with cliche (take note that A Walk to Remember's my facorite book AND move) ;) I can deal with cheesy lines. I can deal with predictable outcomes. But. Well, Sinta, it wasn't all that good, the cheesy parts I mean. The uber deep tagalog made it even more unlikeable ;) SO ANO TO?! CRITICISM!? Haha not really ;) Insights lang ;) It was good nonetheless ;) Cyrano was better though, and Hervacio, thus far, was the best (since I've only watched 3) ;) The girl that played Sinta, was the same one who played Roxanne for Cyrano de Bergerac ;) She's good!! ;) I mean, GOOD! ;) Love the voice! I wish I could sing like that though. I'm not a SONGER kasi whatsoever!! HAAAY I WISH!!! ;)
Last post was 4 days ago I think ;) Not much happened though ;) No classes for Monday and Tuesday! Woohoo! ;) It was good while it lasted though. Back to school again, and all the schoolwork just kept pouring in! Imagine, I brought home ALL my books!! Dint leave a single one! Too much stuff to do over the schooldays named WEEKENDS!! See! I'm sacrificing my social life for a friggin' honor!! Haaay. Ok get this. I study my ass off, so I wouldn't have a C in my card, cause if I did get a C, then I wouldn't be able to go out AT ALL. Parang, DON'T BOTHER ASKING PERMISSION CAUSE THE ANSWER IS NO type. So there. Now that I dint get a C, and that I got what I wanted, that is, the freedom to go wherever, whenever I please, I HAVE NO TIME TO GO OUT!! I've been spending my past weekends SLEEPING LATE cause of all the reading I've been doing! Sheesh! It's hard though. Cause by me working that hard, I expect a lot from myself, specially in Filipino and Social. See, I'm not really a fan of deep tagalot words, nor memorizing, so there. B- sa Filipino and Social Studies! It's hard I swear, for a person who's literally BOBO regarding Filipino. IT TAKES ME 30 FRIGGIN' MINUTES TO READ A CHAPTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!! It really IS hard to comprehend naman kasi. Pero, wala, I'm slow lang talaga sa Filipino. As for social studies, I'm not a fan of memorizing either as I said, so there you have your answers ;) I'd choose math anytime. Logic over memorization is fine with me!! ;) Sheesh.
I just realized how time consuming studying is. I mean, I hardly hard time for Badminton (kinareer ko nung summer, and when school started, my time just, deteriorated, leaving me nerdized and un-badminton-ed), which I love playing by the way. It's the only sport I'm relatively good at. Running sure. But for those who are athletes and such, good at multiple sports, no thanks, haha ;) Gawd. Anywho. It's time consuming talaga. Studying the whole day, and you wouldn't even realize that it's dark already except when you have to turn on the lights na, sheesh! So there you have it. Looking forward to sleepless nights and no social lives, and no going out too much this quarter. HAAAAY!!!
at 12:03 AM, Saturday
