2/18/03
random overheards in the locker room at the gym:
little girl (to pregnant woman): why is your belly so big?
pregnant woman: because there's a baby growing inside of my belly
little girl (to non-pregnant woman): do you have a baby in your belly too?
non-pregnant woman: no, this is just fat. i don't have a baby in there.
non-pregnant woman's daughter (to pregnant woman): you better hope (obscured by locker room noises)
pregnant woman: what?
non-pregnant woman's daughter (to pregnant woman): you better hope the baby doesnt die in your belly
(silence)
(more silence)
non-pregnant woman's daughter (to pregnant woman, louder, enunciated): you better hope the baby doesnt die in your belly
pregnant woman: no, he's fine.
then, pregnant and non-pregnant woman talk about the baby's due date.
neither parent bothered to discuss the inappropriateness of their comments with their children. apparently, in the locker room, it's ok to be rude.
Song of the Day: grace is gone
1/10/03
i'm starting the year off with a bang-up blog entry. i basically skipped the entire month of december... but here's a quick recap:
i've got the proposal story written down somewhere, if you're interested... but that's not the purpose of this blog entry. the mid life crisis that has ensued as a result of the engagement is.
so i've already complained about my lack of female friends.let me tell you that planning a wedding doesnt make that any better. i feel like i'm totally alone. i dont have anybody to plan that bachelorette party i've been dreaming of. i dont have anybody to complain about ugly bridesmaid dresses. i didnt even have anybody to call to share my joy with! and i wish i did. the big hole i complained about last time suddenly feels like a giant black spot on my soul, and it's quickly eating away at me. my eyes are tearing up as i write (and i'm sitting on public transportation, hoping nobody looks at me!)
the latest installment (that put me in this mood which has made me capable of crying in front of strangers) goes like this:
i realized right away that nobody would be throwing us an engagement party,so i figured the way to go would be to throw one ourselves...and that we'd make it a surprise by announcing it during a superbowl/housewarming party. since ettiquite states you only invite ppl you're also going to invite to the wedding, i pick my closest acquaintences, and i give them a month's notice so it wont conflict with anybody else's party. well, i must smell bad or have cooties or something because they've all got something better to do. my fiancee's friends are gonna make it, but mine are bailing. it's so frustrating that i'm probably going to drop the engagement surprise and just send out an email, if i bother to tell them at all. i recognize that i'm putting more weight on this football party than they are, but these are the same people that have been bugging me for a year about when iwas going to throw the housewarming party. come on! this is totally a slap in the face, and what little faith i had in these people is now completly shattered.
what the hell is wrong with me? why cant i make non-shallow, non-selfish, REAL friends? and why do wedding traditions state i need to rely on these (non-existent) people? and why do i care?
ok i need to stop dwelling on this, or i'm going to break down here on RTD route T, currently on I-25 approaching Broadway.
happy friday
Song of the Day: mad season
12/19/02
i rushed to catch the bus, just left my loose ends hanging at work. i grabbed a seat and plopped my bag next tome, thus preventing a stranger from joining me on the hour and fifteen minute ride home. (time estimated...it's 4:56 and we're not quite to Yale)... now i'm doing penance. the two people across the aisle from me are engaged in conversation at the 200 billion decibel level. ok, just one of them, which is making it worse because i can only hear half of the muffled conversation through my headphones. i cant tune it out - the volume level isn't constant so every time the loud girl starts up again, it's like somebody poked me in the ear with a stick. sometimes i think this bionic hearing thing is some karmic torture for something i did in a previous life. normal people can tune out other people's conversations, but i cant. i can hear them crystal clear, and quote them back to you 30 seconds later. this really sucks when you're,say, waiting for a movie to start and the two guys behind you are talking about the most asinine thing. or the couple across from you are arguing about if he just called her a 'stupidass' while you're at a restaurant trying to enjoy your appetizers (5:05 - just passed colorado blvd)
oh, please turn the voices off. this must be what it's like for schizophrenics.
quick life-in-general update: i currently weigh 175. i haven't weighed that since i started keeping track in college. (last year at this time i was at 198, and the year before that, 220) i've stopped doing things to lose more, which i blame on the holidays. i also hold a grudge against a "friend" of mine who joined WW and started complaining to me about her size 6 pants that were too big and she'd have to try out a 4. these insensitive comments took all of the wind out of me being happy i don't have to buy plus-sized clothes anymore...and succeeded in making me feel like shit for being a 16 again. so much for that supportive shit they're teaching her. i try to avoid the issue completely now, because we end up talking about food and the point values of just about everything. in a web search to try to find out the secret formula for points, i ran across somebody's comment about WW: it will help you lose weight but it will also make you really boring. coincidence?
(5:18 - almost to 6th avenue...traffic is inching along, jack johnson is about to go off on that obnoxious ending to"Flake" ..."pleaseplease please dont drag me, please please...." oh just shut up!)
ok. i've got a headache and i cant think of anything else to write about. m. is having a party tomorrow and i want to go but dont feel i have anything cool enough in my closet to show off how much better i look. if i ever get to my car, i was planning on going to the mall to find something. (5:23 -just passed the 6th avenue exit)
ouch. my head hurts. i'm spelling everything wrong. i need to stop.
Song of the Day: basketcase
11/11/02
well i survived round 1. or is this round 2? i'm not sure. it's another round of pre-merger layoffs and this one hit a little closer to home. (every time i say another round i hear the boxing round bell in my head!) the guy who i felt was doing everything in his power to make me look worthless was on the list, as was a coworker who volunteered. we also lost a programmer. i cant tell if we lost our information architect - it seems like we might have but i cant be sure. we've got an 8:30 status meeting tomorrow morning - i guess i'll find out then.
i've been in a whacked mood since i heard the news. despite what you might think, i'm not really relieved to still be employed.i'm not emotionally attached to anybody leaving, so i'm not hurting either. and it is good to continue to receive a paycheck. i'm not really sure what i'm feeling, and part of getting out of this funk may be acknowledging i feel nothing because nothing really has changed. my situation is the same as it was friday. my career path is still headed straight for the toilet. my job wont exist in so many months.. i can actually start a countdown timer if i wanted! (maybe i will put one in my planner - so i can feel like i'm progressing toward a goal.)
so, here's the deal. there is a finite number of days until i will absolutely, positively be unemployed. what is my game plan? i feel like i should treat this like a weight loss plan - the three to six month guide to losing 1000 dollars a pay period!
goal of plan: break into writing on the side biz
realistic indicator of success: return inquiry
to do:
week 1: refine idea
week 2: prepare 3-5 examples
week 3: ID markets and write query letter
week 4: mail query letters
repeat as needed.
ok, sounds easy enough. now to brainstorm on how to turn those wasted hours into something i can use.
1) find websites to inspire goal- writers digest, inscriptions, etc
2) browse netlibrary collection - are there books i can read?
3) browse library/comm college sites - are there groups i can join?
4) browse IMDB to compile start list for GGtGM
5) write (on paper) drafts of reviews/articles/etc
6) learn to use fireworks / find photoshop tutorials
well, this sounds like a plan. and i feel a lot better. i think getting out of the building and onto the bus helped a lot. people were packing there stuff up at the office - it was just a depressing place.there was a cloud of "the mondays" hanging over the place. and a little too much positivity from all the wrong places at all the wrong times.
damn this bus is freezing.i hope ivan got my message and comes home "on time" so we can brainstorm bathroom ideas. 'm excited and frustrated about the upcoming emergency bathroom redecorate/remodel... probably because we discovered it was an issue at midnight this morning after taking a shower. i guess we're encountering our first big "money pit" style repair.
ok need to put my coat on and stop typing. i'm too cold and cant feel my fingers. i'm making too many typos.
Song of the Day: die another day
11/04/02
november 4th. already. it's funny how the days inch by so slowly, how i dont know how i'm going to survive another hour of boredom at work, but the pages of the calendar just fly by. it's already november, and i'm already planning christmas dinner. and thanksgiving dinner, thanks to wayne. and debating hosting a white elephant holiday housewarming. i think i need help. these martha-steward-esque urges are frightening. i even bought the november issue of her magazine. (i'll try to blame that on laura - she made those sweet potato fry recipe at her party) trust me, it wasnt worth it. i should have just asked her for a copy of it.
so, it's november. two months left in the year. wow.
i really shouldn't write this thing in the morning. i'm too tired to say anything deeper than an episode of dawson's creek
ok so now it's the bus ridehome. i'm doing my best to look fat, preoccupied, and rude because i dont want to have to share my seat. it's getting crowded in here.
this has got to be the world's shallowest blog entry. only figures it would follow a day where the most productive thing i did at work was print out enough x-mas coloring sheets to make an activity book for dominicc. i debated printing out multiple copies, but figured it would be too easy to get caught. i mean, how often do you find line drawings of santa claus in an office printer?
on the plus side, i got a lot of ideas about how to make x-mas at my house a bit less stressful.
ok, i'm having issues with the space bar. i think it's time to put my toy away and get back to reading the guide to whip my career into submission. god knows it needs it.
Song of the Day: ???