5/3/00
I only had 2 cigarettes after I got home last night. Hooray for me. Again, don't get all excited, as I have yet to decide where this is going to lead.
I really wish I could stop fucking dreaming. I keep having really weird ones, the kind that leave you feeling really fucking creepy when you wake up but you can only remember bits and pieces and those aren't so bad? Like last night, I was maid of honor in some wedding, like my ex-husband's or ex-brother-in-law's (only neither of the guys looked like either of them) and first we were all watching a video of MY wedding and I started to cry because it was just so sad. And I'm clutching this pink teddy bear (who is wearing a matching bride's maid dress) and then the preacher comes out and it's this hippie chick, and she makes the maid of honor (me) and the best man (couldn't tell ya) come forward and stand next to the happy couple, and then she tells me "this is a very solemn, very traditional ceremony, you'll have to put the teddy bear down." And I'm just mortified and thinking she could have told me that earlier and not in front of all these people. And that's about all I remember. Really bizarre and they keep me from getting a good night's sleep. It doesn't help that for some reason, our bedroom heats up to about 15 degrees hotter than the rest of the house, probably because there are 2 people and 3 dogs in one room with the door closed and no circulation. I need to sleep, I need to sleep...I can't wait until we get the spare bedroom done so I can go sleep in there if need be...LESBIAN BED DEATH REARS ITS UGLY HEAD! Okay, now, I used to think it was really harsh to not sleep in the same bed as your spouse. Then I got old and started sleeping like hell, and I realized, better to sleep in separate beds than to wake up hating each other for nighttime transgressions. So I no longer think Lucy and Ricky were all wrong...
I wish I could get my head on straight. It's so hard to keep my mental "to-do" list in order. I keep forgetting shit then remembering and then forgetting again. I wish I could get up earlier. I'd love to get up really early, walk one or two dogs, eat breakfast, watch the news, then get ready and go to work, and stop at QT on the way for a lovely coffee. As it is, I roll my ass out of bed 35 minutes before I should leave, fight like hell to get out the door and end up 10-15 minutes late every morning. Oh, well. Win some, lose many more.
I have to go do some work now...I shall return...
I swear I am going to take a fucking hostage. Apparently the sons of bitches from the furniture financing fucking place called Megan's mom yesterday. And every time the "Big C" gets a call from someone we owe money, our phone rings like crazy. This is really starting to piss me off. FIRST OF ALL, we bought the fucking furniture on 6 MONTHS SAME AS CASH, which was represented to us as meaning "6 months no payments, no interest." Simple, right? So in December I sent them some money because I was hoping to pay the shit off within six months, right? And in January when my student loan money came in, I sent them some more, right? And in February, and in March. Then I get my first bill from them in April, that says "AMOUNT PAST DUE=0.00" and lists a payment amount of $159, which I send and which they receive. Then the calls start coming from some bitch in California who tries to pass herself off as a personal friend. Fuck, that pisses me off, when telemarketers and bill collectors act all cute and social so you don't immediately slam the phone on their stupid ears. Anyway, I called the local office the day after calling the California bitch everything but a white girl and was told that "your account isn't past due, I show that everything's current and the office in California sees the same screen we see, so I don't know what the problem is." Just to be safe (and because I'm a bitch) I sent them a letter documenting the call, enclosing a copy of the bill and a copy of the bank statement showing the cleared check for February. Now last night another phone call from Big C bitching up a storm. "I got ANOTHER call from the furniture people today, what's going on?" So I call them this morning and they say "we're sorry, we don't have a memo here on the account that says we can talk to you about the account." Funny, you have no problem cashing checks on the account that are signed with MY FUCKING SIGNATURE, but you can't tell me what your fucking problem is?
Okay, forgive my outburst, but I am just sick sick SICK of people who have no goddamn tact or customer service skills. Shit, you can't even order fast food anymore without having to argue with the minimum wage motherfuckers that work for these places! ("What part of 'mustard and pickle only' did you not understand?") And the people that work for credit companies? Jesus! What's really fucking annoying is the fact that I ACTUALLY PAY MY BILLS NOW and I generally pay them on time. But by God, you send a check 2 days late, and YOU SUCK! One card in particular pisses me off, I've had the account for nearly 10 years now, and they keep sending me hate mail because I pay them 3 days later than the due date because of the manner in which I am paid (twice a month, not every other week or whatever). So if you work the phones either selling shit or collecting on shit that someone else already sold, GET THE HELL OFF MY ASS, I'LL PAY YOU WHEN I'M DAMN GOOD AND READY!
My...such hatred...is it lunch time yet? MY KINGDOM FOR A CIGARETTE!!!!! I swear, I think that little vein in my forehead is about to rupture. Smoking isn't what kills you, trying to cut down or quit or just running out of cigarettes is what kills you.
Okay...continue working...more psychotic ranting later...okay, how about NOW. I am sooooo not happy right now. I'm not dressed comfortably (pantyhose, CHRIST! and an ally mcskirt that keeps turning around when I walk down the hall), I haven't had a cigarette since 10:00 last night, I'm hungry, and I'm in dire need of a hot oil treatment and a hair cut. I've seen weaves that look better than the shit on my head. After lunch I tried to "finger comb" it, which is what you do with nappy curly hair, and that only resulted in getting my ring caught in my hair. Which pissed me off (because I'm not smoking) to the point that I dug a brush out of my purse and just attacked my hair. I'm surprized I have hair left. Ever brush curly hair? The end result is no better than what you started with. I look like a blonde Rosanne Roseannadanna. (I was going to link to a picture of Ms. Radner as Ms. Roseannadanna, but can you believe my internet search turned up SQUAT? If you know of a site I can link to that has a page of Roseanne Roseannadanna, let me know. Thanks.)
So my hair looks like shit, I have too much work to do that I can't keep track of, and I'm fucking hungry. I think I'm going to break down and buy a bag of chips before I hurt someone.
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