06/05/00 (cont'd)
That's a very good question.
I know that I want to incorporate some of the better portions of my "old" self into this new creature I have become. The clothes, the creativity, the deep introspective tendencies... I used to have some of that, and I think some of it's still there, although I admit I will never be enough of that kind of person to be one of those ethereal chicks you see gently fingering runes over a cup of house blend at Starbucks. Still, as I said, there used to be just enough of that quality in my day-to-day persona that kept my conversations with other people interesting. I also want to start doing things for ME again. Like writing. I don't have time to go back to the theatre, which I would so dearly love to do, but I can always find time to write. I want to have friends again. (In spite of my odd demeanor and the fact that I am rarely "me" in person, I actually used to be quite the little socialite, but Megan hated all of my friends...)
And I certainly need to explore this relationship and determine whether or not it can really be everything I need. But as I've said before, that's way too deep a well to peer into right now, so...
I don't want to work in this arena any more. But I do want to make money, because I would like to someday be far enough out of debt (student loans excepted, of course--they'll be taking those out of my fucking estate, I'm sure) that I don't have to be a slave to the dollar (or the job). Therefore, I will probably have to continue in some sort of typing setting--i.e., transcription--and therefore better start looking either for the job I'm interviewing for this week or one pretty damn similar. I will finish school in December, then study for the LSAT and take it in February, then...I don't know, fuck off until school starts again in the fall. I will go to law school. I will become a lawyer. I will do work that I believe in because I refuse to sell my soul like my friend C most likely is going to end up doing (before he gets truly disgusted and says "fuck it" and goes back to school to get his master's in horticulture--he's such a fag). But I will work, and I will make a lot of money, and then I will buy a big sailboat and sail through the Carribean, and I will land at St. Bart's and become an expatriate.
Or something like that.
But for now, I need to search yesterday's want ads (as in, I "want" to get outta here) and dig through my closing docs from my house purchase last year to find some clause about "title free and clear of any and all liens, encumbrances, etc."--I got a bill in Friday's mail for sewer improvements that were done on the property...this is the bill for the ninth of ten installments...the original issue date was August, 1991. Excuse me? I'm not paying for a fucking repair done to the property I currently own when said repair was done when I was EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. Give me a fucking break.
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go...
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