Notes From the Cess Pool
Vol. IV--Random Retardation*

*retard (ri-tard') v.t. 1. To hinder the advance or course of; impede; delay.  --v.i. 2. To be delayed.  [<L re- back + tardus- slow]  (from Webster Illustrated Contemporary Dictionary, 1988)  See also "Cess Pool."

Holy shit, the appliances have assimilated little Timmy!!!

Welcome back to Cess Pool for another joyous tete-a-tete.  Will the wacky fun never cease?  Gun control, the evils of technology, even little ELIAN aren't too hip for this happenin' burg...

(Originally printed 5/14/00)

"I have read many negative articles about the government using force to reunite the Cuban boy and his father.  I agree with this government action.  Most negative articles compare the action to communism.  Since when is communism bringing a boy and his father together?  If you want to compare the government of this country's laws with communism, then do so with a communist act, like putting non-violent traffic offenders in prison.  A good point would be putting a man and a woman in prison for drinking wine with their dinner and driving home.  Is this the kind of laws a free country enforces against their taxpayers?  I think not.  This law is much more communist then reuniting a father and son so they can be together."
Stupidly put, yes, but...oh my God...I think I kind of agree with the point this fool may have been desperately trying to make...quick, someone slap some sense back into me!!!

"(Cess Pool) is a dirty, trashy city.  The city has ordinances it never enforces such as cars parked in front yards for sale, some in driveways, and on lawns, cars in yards not licensed, sidewalks in need of repair, grass clippings in streets after mowing, loud noise from cars, cars parked in fire zones--all in violation of city codes.  These problems can surely be seen by officers on patrol, but are not enforced."
Damn...I have to agree with this one, as well, but only because I know that the Cess Pool Police Department has more than enough time on its hands to address these complaints, given the absence of any REAL criminal activity there that doesn't involve elected officials or the police, themselves.

"I was wondering if they are going to have tornado sirens out at (subdivision).  We were out there last night and we were not aware of the tornado sirens going off.  Just wondering."
This doesn't even deserve witty commentary.

And This Volume's Winner Is:

"I laughed at the love bug because I don't have the Internet.  But appliances are getting bad also.  I obviously  hit the wrong button on my TV, because it didn't do what I wanted it to, and big letters--SAP--came up on the screen.  It is really rotten for an appliance to call me a sap just because I am human and make mistakes.  I won't buy that brand of TV in the future."
You may think this is one of the more intelligent Cess Poolians, making a witty jest about technology, but rest assured, the doofus most likely tossed the t.v. in question out of his house for being disrespectful.  I grew up there--I know the truth.

Go Back to My Home Page--quickly, before your brain cells begin to die off

Go Back to Notes From the Cess Pool because you still find the ignorance fascinating.

Go to the next Volume of Notes From the Cess Pool, because you just can't get enough, you sick bastard.