Atomic Words of Wisdom

• Jello is not a good place to store valuables.
• It's not good to question the marital status of your boss' parents.
• There's nothing wrong with the green potato chip.
• Always unplug the toaster before servicing it.
• Macaroni and cheese are not two of the four food groups.
• Unless you have a good lawyer, always test hot liquids before guzzling them.

• If the dog's head is bigger than yours, let him hump your leg.
• Guacamole shouldn't be brown.
• All those warnings on power tools are there for dummies, not you.
• If a woman wants to know what you're thinking, you'd better say something.
• Crying doesn't always prevent a good butt kickin'.
• Don't do drugs. They make you sli.,d,fj2 w;a[sf

• Those toll-free numbers aren't really free. Somebody pays for them.
• Crock pot cooking is no longer in vogue.
• Genital terminology is not welcome in most social situations.
• Vegetarians don't like it when you throw carrot juice on them. Nor do beefetarians.
• Tattoos are not considered picture ID.
• Be nice to your waiter, he spends quality time with your food.

• For some reason, so-called "public servants" hate being reminded that you pay their salary.
• Take the Spam out of your underwear before going to the doctor.
• "Because" is not a valid legal defense.
• You have to pay for food from the grocery store, whether you've already eaten it or not.
• People vastly underappreciate the spontaneity of Tourette's syndrome.
• The sign "No shirt, no shoes, no service" also implies "no pants, get thrown out".

• Club soda gets out a lot of stains, but it won't remove relatives.
• Cutting down your own Christmas tree is fine, unless it's from your neighbor's yard.
• It is not appropriate to heckle the minister during his sermon.
• The museum doesn't like it when you color inside the lines on someone else's painting.
• Gophers are not good housewarming gifts.
• Mayonnaise is not an effective adhesive.

• Don't puke on the first date. Once they hold your head, you won't see 'em again.
• Few people have ever seen the inside of a booger.
• When they say you can kiss the bride at a wedding, they mean only once.
• Burping the alphabet is not an appropriate skill to put on your resume.
• You shouldn't admit it if you see someone you know on "Cops".
• A church won't grant you sanctuary just because of midterms.