Toast Reactor Acquired by AOL/Time-Warner/EMI Music/CitiBank/Disney

Toast Reactor, USA (NTNW) — It was announced today that the Nuclear Toast Reactor has been acquired by the world's largest mega-corporation. With this addition, AOL/Time-Warner/EMI Music/CitiBank/Disney extends their holdings to include the leading provider of radioactive breakfast bread.

Co-CEOs Michael Eisner and Steve Case warmly greeted the new member of their family. "It was either the Toast Reactor, or General Motors," said Eisner. "And I already have a Buick. So the choice was easy." Turning to his partner, he asked, "Steve, you just bought another company. What are you going to do now?"

"I'm goin' to Didneylan!" beamed Case, to the delight of the gathered press pirhanas.

The two leaders of the global conglomerate then unveiled their new computerized sound bite. In a painfully choreographed and cheesy photo op, the two co-CEOs pushed down the handle on a brightly painted toaster. Two pieces of green, glowing toast popped up out of the toaster while the now-familiar voice said, "You've got toast!"

The two titans of industry each caught a piece of the toast, again to the joy of the preening press.

When asked why the Toast Reactor was swallowed up by the voracious corporate beast, Case replied, "We've worked hard to assemble best-of-breed, top-notch complementary products and services. We're not exactly sure what the Toast Reactor does, but we know it's the best there is at it. So, of course, we had to have it."

The pair then pointed out that, through their behemoth online service, they can now provide everything today's wired consumer needs. "Whether it's email, world news, music, financial services, family content, or toast with a shelf life measured in thousands of years, you can get it all from us," said Eisner.

To which Case gleefully added, "Monopolize this, Bill Gates! AOL keyword: neener neener neener."