Rocky Road 4
by ParraDee

Scully looked at Mulder laying on the back seat of the cab. She tried to make sense of what was happening.

"What?" she said for the sixth time in the last 30 seconds.

Suddenly the cab swerved violently to the right, throwing her against the window. The impact seemed to knock her out of her monosyllabic stupor.

"Mulder, are you suggesting that you're not feeling well? First, you are lying at the bottom of the library steps and now you are lying down in here -- in a cab, a rather messy cab at that -- where there really is not enough room to do so in an effective manner. You appear to be having difficulty remaining upright."

She leaned over to examine his sturdy, harder-than-usual body. "Well, I can see that is not entirely true. I need to amend my analysis of the data."

Hmmmm….. Maybe she should try using her medical training to figure out why his body had taken on this unusual configuration. She thought back on all that she'd learned at medical school, through all of the anatomy classes, all of the courses detailing the parts of the human body -- but no answer presented itself. She frowned in confusion as she tried to form a rational hypothesis.

Suddenly, tires squealed on the pavement as the cab swerved violently to the left, throwing her across Mulder's mostly prone body. Scully exclaimed, with a start, "Hey, what was that?"

Mulder purred, "If you don't know, let me show you."

The buxom taxi driver-librarian-porn star shouted to them, "A black limo keeps cutting us off. I think it's trying to stop us. Fortunately, I used to drive a stunt car in those Burt Reynolds / Sally Fields movies and know how to out-maneuver a limousine."

She pulled the emergency brake, sending the cab into a 180-degree turn, the tires squealing loudly. The abrupt motion threw Scully onto the floor of the cab. Mulder landed on top of her.

"Hey," Scully yelled indignantly as her limbs flailed futilely. "I think I landed on the ice cream."

Suddenly, there was a loud crack. The left rear window shattered. Small chunks of safety glass rained throughout the cab, many of them getting caught in the short, moussed spikes of Mulder's hair.

"They're shooting at us," yelled the taxi driver-former stunt driver-librarian-porn star, "Get down!"

"I don't think I can," Mulder yelled back as he shook his head. The chunks of safety glass in his hair started coming loose, falling down onto Scully's face.

"If I went down any further, then I would be . . ." Scully's voice trailed off as she tried to fend off the shower of safety glass.

"OK, that's it!!," yelled the former stunt driver-taxi driver-porn star-librarian as she pressed the accelerator to the floor. "I want to know WHO you people are and why a congressional limousine is shooting at us."

"What?" Scully yelled over the roar of wind rushing through the shattered window. She was busy running her fingers through Mulder's hair, trying to locate stray chunks of safety glass.

"Oh, yes, yes, don't stop now, baby," Mulder murmured.

"Who ARE you people?" the porn star-librarian-former stunt driver-taxi driver repeated as she deftly wove her way down the street at high speed. "WHAT do you do for a living? Are you running drugs or carrying guns or what?"

Finally! Questions she could answer! "We're FBI agents" Scully yelled back. "We don't have our guns with us right now."

The tires squealed as the cab made another sharp turn to avoid the limousine. "OK, I can see it's up to me to save our asses." The librarian-porn star-taxi driver-former stunt driver reached under the front seat and pulled out a sawed-off shotgun.

Quickly, she maneuvered the cab into position. With her left hand on the wheel, she used her right hand to aim the shotgun out the window. With one well-aimed blast, she shot out the front, right tire of the limousine. The limo swerved and slid into Akbar's All Nite Live Poultry Stand. The chickens promptly scattered, squawking loudly in the process.

Swearing under her breath, the taxi driver-yadda-yadda drove the cab a few blocks. She pulled over in front of Akbar's All-Nite Frozen Custard stand and stopped the cab, the brakes screeching loudly. She got out and opened the rear door to the cab. "All right. Both of you! Get out!"

Mulder and Scully looked up at her from their entwined position on the floor of the cab. "What?" they said in unison.

"Get out, now!" The shotgun in her hand persuaded them that she was serious. "I don't want to see you in my cab ever again!"

They got out of the cab, chunks of safety glass raining from their bodies. They stood on the curb looking dazed and confused. As the cab pulled away, Scully spluttered, "But, Mulder . . . she took our ice cream!"

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